Ok so what do you do with your sweet self on Father’s Day if you don’t have… a father?

I plumbed the fridge for the water and ice maker…seemed like something a dad might help his daughter do, and after all, I’ve had the fridge for nearly 4 years and it’s gotten downright embarrassing buying bags of ice to put in the ice dispenser…though my friends have all gotten a grand-ol-time teasing me for it. I put new linoleum in the laundry room…again, one of those jobs you could picture a dad helping with.

I talked with my girlfriend about it and she laughed at me, told me to cling tightly to my fantasy idea of what fathers do, because she’s lucky if hers remembered to send a card a few weeks after Christmas.

One would assume that frees me up from Father’s Day shopping rituals…but no. One of the consequences of being dad-free is that you inherit an assortment of nice men that feel the compulsion to provide you with a male role model…hence the 5 father’s day cards I bought and sent. Hallmark has a fathers day card section for every sender. There’s a section for step-children, one for adoptees, even one for pets…since I suppose the child-free couple does still want to participate in all holidays, and after all, cats and dogs have feelings too. You can also send a card to a variety of different fathers, or all of them, if time and money allow. Uncles, Grandpa’s, Great-grandfathers, and brothers, the list goes on for days.

So perhaps it’s a little sad to endure father’s day as the child of a deadbeat parent…but Hallmark is certainly doing their best to provide me with someone to celebrate with.

Happy Shopping!