Nothing works.

I can’t fix it.

It’s not fixable.

I am so damned disappointed and so incredibly mad at myself for ignoring the obvious for all this time. I can’t believe I could be so stupid. I am so mad. and I should be so mad at myself for avoiding the obvious and putting up with garbage I never should have. I am a fool, and I’ve been foolish.

Damn it. Damn damn damn.

I am so damn sad.

Precisely what I deserve for dating a garden variety athlete jerk, I knew better in junior high, what on earth possessed me to ignore it all now.

I am too co-dependent.

Breakups just plain suck.

They especially suck after you’ve introduced your soon-to-be-ex to your entire family.

Then they’re twice as wretched.

I’m always amazed at how a breakup can encourage the worst kinds of behavior in people. I don’t enjoy being a jerk, but if inspired I can be a real pain. Suffice it to say someone is working overtime to inspire me lately.

I’m sad that it didn’t work out- and sad that it’s not going to be what I thought it would.

…but thankful this isn’t how my life is going to be forever.

I’m truly thankful for that.

I should explain… I grew up in Utah. I spent half of my childhood in Utah. I learned to be a woman, a mother, and thoughtful… in Utah. Say what you’d like about living in Utah….the sense of community is different, the sense of family alone in my opinion is different from anywhere else on earth. Either way… I’m taking my boyfriend home for the first time.

They’ve never met a boyfriend or husband of mine. Never.

Eeek.

I know they will love him… but I’m petrified. He may actually meet my Grandpa. Omgosh.

Ugh.

Here’s hoping it goes ok. At any rate… I can’t wait to see everyone.