Monthly Archives: February 2010

Being a farmer interferes with my inner high maintenance girl…

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My poor nail tech. She should force me into once a week appointments. My desire to have beautiful nails is challenged mightily by my need to plant flowers & vegetables.

Oh…. I aspire to be a good old fashioned bows in her hair- perfect nails- fabulous chef- dedicated mother- wife to be envied. Go ahead and laugh- it’s my good old fashioned values. However I love to be outside- love to look at things under the microscope and play in the dirt… hell fake nails make for great digging tools if nothing else… :)

Poor Miss T… who has to replace 2 of these fabulously misleading lovely nails and fix the other 10 (somehow) this Wednesday, eek :)

Maybe I’ll tip her with salsa…

Oh Ben.

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Considered internet dating? Hmmm… I hadn’t either… but such is life, and so it goes.

Frustrated and trying to avoid the bar scene?  Thinking you might  contact someone from an online dating service?  I’m not sure where to begin in warning someone, but the email I received today should say it all…

hi im Ben, looks like you have very full plate, me too. Hardly ever have enough time to do it all with alot of irons in the fire. looks like we have alot in common I think we could be good friends at least maby more im not sure. I think it would come down to time. maby im wrong but we are both very independent and that takes alot. so here is an invite to you. I think your pics are very hot for some reason, you look a little taller in photos than you stated, mis-print or just my take on them? I am an artist at heart and see some things different than most. I was also born in Sandpit but I have never lived there. I love gadgets, tec. stuff,art,music,outdoors. (not a hippi or a tec. geek) more of a hunter, fisher,worker with the cool shit to do it with!

Is it really so much to ask for a man that knows how to spell “maybe”? Or hope for one who knows how to capitalize? There are some dangerous violations with the comma in this email.  I especially love that he thinks that my pics are “very hot for some reason”. Didn’t we learn these things in grade school? Has the internet really freed people up so much that they feel comfortable looking/sounding like an idiot? I probably sound like a bitch- but I’d love to correct his email and send it back- lol. Not to be mean- but to help a ‘fella out… he can’t be having much luck with that approach.

Incidentally my profile says:

“I would love to meet someone who reads for enjoyment and can write a love note that I can understand both the spelling and grammar in”

…

Somehow that doesn’t really sound like Ben.

<snicker>

Mr. Fantasy Date is a mere mortal after all…

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I admit it. I fantasized about his cockpit… but hearing he’d been talking to someone else the whole time he was talking to me…and that he’d already had my fantasy date with him play out with someone else makes it seem recycled – no matter how you slice it. Fantasy guy… maybe not so much. What ever happened to a man lying awake at night thinking about you? What happened to good old fashioned tantalization? Sigh.

Yup. I’m THAT girl.  The one who wants to captivate you.  I make no apology for being divinely female…sexual…smart…and well… not interested in this whole online (dating) recycling program.  Especially when distance dictates interest… I happily make the 2 hour drive to Victoria’s Secret- even though they sell panties at Walmart 10 minutes away. I’m all about quality. Also I don’t want to be on The Bachelor… vying for the attention of one man amongst many other women. I pride myself on being worth more than that- so XOXO, love you to bits- but no thanks :)

Because I don’t ever want to settle for being one-of-many. Eww.

Damn, damn, damn though… I really liked him.

Retail therapy = getting just what you want for Valentine’s Day :)

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Ok so it’s easy to feel crappy about being single on the most gratuitously romantic holiday of the year. I can admit it.  The grocery store pulls out those atrocious heart shaped mega-balloons right around the day after Christmas.  Simply overlooking it isn’t an option, because the stuff is EVERYWHERE. I almost caved when I saw the heart shaped shrimp cocktail dish. We all have our weaknesses.

I still have to remind myself sometimes… half the battle of this self-inflicted single life is remembering that I am completely capable of taking care of the things that I want/need/love.

So I poured myself a glass of wine- started to read my email and found just what I was looking for… a sale at Victoria’s Secret. I settled that whole Valentine’s Day black???or red??? debate and bought both.

Who needs chocolate and roses anyway? I have a new sexy black dress and ruffled red corset coming in the mail… Yeehaw.

Internet dating 101…

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A few warnings, perhaps? At the very least, let me save you from the terrific fun I’ve had so far :)

1. Don’t do it. For heavens sakes go out and meet someone in person that you fall madly and deeply in love with, then live happily ever after. Please. For those of us that have succumbed to the horror that is internet dating- do it the old fashioned way. Do it for us.

2. Don’t date someone completely different from anyone you’ve ever dated. Seriously. And if you do, and he/she doesn’t like you? Deal with it like a big boy/girl. There are many people out there that are compatible with us, and many that aren’t. Know the difference and accept it graciously either way.

3. Do not rely on text messages for communication. Oh and (God forbid) do not use ghetto text abbreviations. It’s such a gigantic turn off- blech blech gag. Nothing is more attractive than an intelligent man/woman being interested in you. Nothing. So if it takes you 10 seconds longer to make the effort to show your respect- good on you- and it’ll never make you look like an idiot…

4. Do not… I repeat… DO NOT date someone with a completely different diet than you. I recently went out on a date where he attempted to order the pizza without cheese. Being that it was one of only 3 toppings (the other two being basil & tomatoes) I sort of had to say something.  At a certain point, I thought I was on Candid Camera. My teenage son said it best “What could you possibly be thinking… what could you feed him? He wouldn’t/won’t eat half of the amazing stuff you make- and for the record, I’m not eating what some weirdo veggie eats”… out of the mouths of babes. Also… in case he’s reading this… It’s called meat. Not Mammalarian tissue. If there were ever a nail in the coffin- it was when he asked me if I ate Mammalarian tissue. Ummm yep- every day. Sometimes twice. Sheesh.

5. For goodness sake- remember to play hard to get. It’s divinely attractive- completely exciting and reminds you why you wanted to get back out there and torture yourself again. I appreciate compliments as much as the next girl- but I reaaaaaaally want to think my date is a confident self assured man who wants to like me, not marry me tomorrow afternoon at the Court House…

6. Be on time. It’s a first date- and if you’re late, it’s the last date. I guess it’s sort of something my Grandma taught me that has always sort of held true. She always said “If he doesn’t care about impressing  you on the first date- he doesn’t care about impressing you.” My grandparents were married for 50+ years- and blissfully happy. I tend to take that sort of qualified advice to heart.

7. If he’s over 40 and has never been married… something is wrong with him, or he’s fabulously gay and you should snatch him up as your new best friend. If he’s straight… umm… good luck. Statistics are not on your side… but good luck.

8. If you have a child under the age of 2- you have absolutely no business whatsoever internet dating. I’ve been emailed by several men with infants… and as much as I love babies- and loved my own more than anything- I can’t imagine that sort of dynamic- and it’s just sort of white trash tacky. Holy Moly… it’s certainly not something I saw coming- that’s for sure.

9. If you are a 65 year old African wild game hunter conservative Republican, perhaps the liberal-leaning 33 year old organic gardening/graphic designing/domestic princess is not for you. Good Freaking Grief. I am contacted by so many strange and oppositional men it’s just creepy. I cannot fathom anything kind I’d have to say to someone who paid an inordinate amount of money to kill a wild animal in Africa. Nothing. In fact I can think of PLENTY to the contrary. Ugh!

10. No uninvited touching. This is a big one. Unless there’s a blazing sign on my  forehead that says “Touch me, please?” don’t even think about it. It puts women in the most uncomfortable situation ever- as many of us are raised to be polite, not make a fuss, be demure, etc. So if you ignore all that- force the whole thing too soon and force her/him to make excuses to get away from you… it’s not going to work.  Anticipation is priceless- and I can confidently place myself in the category of things worth waiting for- so should you :)

Either way- the whole thing is stressful,  more than a little creepy and… … exciting. When I least expected it- while I was happily dismantling my internet dating existence… a cool one appeared.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained :)