Confession… I’m a pushover for a filthy mouth. With the exception of that whole “who’s your daddy” bullshit. My daddy’s name is Greg… and he lives in Utah- and I don’t want to think about him when I’m having sex. Ever. Ew.

I realized this weakness from my first multiple orgasm boyfriend.  The average was 3 and the first time it happened because he started talking to me. Who knew it was that easy? He’d start talking  and I’d lose my mind. Poor guy. We still joke about it.

It’s in the heat of the moment…

J- …Talk to me.

I really don’t care what he says. although there are a few guidelines.  If you’ve ever heard a crazy talker just rambling on and on, you know how annoying that is. Talk TO me… don’t talk AT me.  Don’t yell at me, either- this is one of those times that you have to be nice Aggressive= good, Angry= bad. Don’t ask me the same question over and over and over and over again. Change it up. Seriously.

G-Do you like that?

J- Yes.

G- Do you like that?

J- Um, I said YES.

G- Do you like that?

J- Hm. I thought we covered that? Nevermind… shhhhh.

I also don’t want to hear about what a whore I am, ever, in that moment. That ‘s just too awkward… um… no, please don’t insult me. It’s a bit of a show stopper. Oooh and please… approach this endeavor as a man- not some giggly weird boy either- the ultimate turn-off. Not the time to be silly. Eww.

It’s really pretty easy, and I’ve only met one man who could not find words…. which was also awkward, lol 🙂

J- Talk to me…

F- What do you want me to say?

J-… nevermind.

Come on now- if you’ve gotten this far, you’ve got to be able to think of SOMETHING? Tell me what you like, what you want, and how you feel. Talk to me. Think of it as future sex insurance.

There are bonus points for certain things.

• Originality… say something I’ve never heard before and enjoy the show.
• Foreign Language… who cares which… hell make one up if you want. If I’m convinced, what does it matter?
• Personalized… say my name- I dare you.

After all, if you’re good… you’re unforgettable- and if you’re really, really good?

You’re my next boyfriend.