30 Days of Truth, Day 1

A fellow blogger sent me an email asking me if I wanted to join her in this “30 Days of Truth” thing. I wasn’t entirely thrilled, given the current situations in my life… but hell… I’m a glutton for punishment- why not. I hadn’t seen the list of prompts, and she just sent them to me. Of all days… the first one is…..

30 Days of Truth, Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Oh Goody. I agreed to this? Damn. Today is soooo not the day for that question. However, I’m Catholic and it’s Sunday, so my first reaction is to be penitent… feeling it must be God’s way of saying I need to own up a little. Can’t hurt… that’s for sure. I had to fight back tears in Mass today, so the guilt is definitely working, if nothing else.

I hate that I only want men that don’t want me. Hate it. I can’t rid of the nice ones that can’t get enough of me- but my goodness they drive me insane. If I get one more text message from my drunk tent partner I’m going to have to be mean. Why can everyone else have a one night stand and I end up with wedding proposals and questions about having babies??? WTF? The available men of the world are everywhere, but ugh… so what. They’re about as interesting as the cowboys at the rodeo. Sometimes cute to look at- but odd… boring… and hmmm… uncomfortably attentive.

A mean one that doesn’t return my phone calls? Be still my heart. I’m done for. Totally and completely tragic. But true. I have no idea why it works out this way, but I know I’m not alone. A friend and I were talking about it the other day and she agreed. The assholes of the world are irresistible to some of us. Talk about a great group to cancel your membership to…

So when the source of my suffering called me today… I couldn’t resist… I answered it. Even though I was terrified of what he was going to say to me. The original glutton for punishment. He wasn’t mean… and he wasn’t nice. I feel horrible for ruining things with him… and I’m also just sad. Happy that it’s raining to match my mood.

and promising myself that I won’t ever compromise myself to make someone jealous, ever again. It didn’t work, and I only ended up compromised. Not good- and not worth it.

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