30 Days of Truth, Day 09- Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
When I met the dirty hippie… his son was 5 years old. An angry sad little boy, who didn’t have any social skills to speak of. I called him Eeyore, if that tells you anything. He had two parents that hated each other with their whole soul- and fought like they’d broken up yesterday. It was your worst case scenario. He met me once with his dad, and then his mom dropped him off at my house for a weekend she said wasn’t hers and his dad was out of town. He looked terrified… I took him to the destruction derby and spoiled him rotten all weekend… the only thing I could think to do, seeing as his mom had left him with a complete stranger. It had started to make sense, at least.
I started slowly teasing him out of his angry shell. He would walk in the door frowning and say “Hey” and I’d tickle him, make him go back out and come in excited. He would laugh at me for making him- but he’d come roaring back in with a shout “Hiiiiiiiiiii Jennii!!!!!!!!!!” I didn’t care how it came about- I just couldn’t stand idly by while a 5 year old walked around with such a heavy heart.
They tossed him around in their custody arrangement based on what was convenient for both of them- and to accommodate neither of them having to parent more than 2 days at a time. The poor kid was still wetting the bed every night at nearly 8 years old. It was a disaster, unfolding daily in front of my eyes. His mother absolutely hated me- and the feeling is quite mutual. She did all kinds of crazy things- caused problems CONSTANTLY… even egged my house 3 days before Christmas once. Ugh. It was a huge lesson in not saying the things you’d really like to. After 5 years of living in her nightmare schedule, we ended up in court, and the schedule changed to week on/week off. He stopped wetting the bed (poor kid) and started to really thrive in school.
With one very large exception. His dad is accommo-dad. Doesn’t make him carry his weight- and doesn’t hold him accountable. For anything. Ever. It created a rift in our family a mile wide… and it only grew with time. He learned early on that if he wanted something he wasn’t supposed to have, he just had to wait until I left, and ask his dad. My kids really started to resent them both for it. It just continued to get worse though. The dirty hippie gives his son so little- and makes so little effort. Both in being a good example and providing him with the material things he needs, but also in teaching him to do the right thing and being a strong male role model. He lets him do basically anything he wants, even if it’s unsafe. After we’d lived together for 2 years, I had at least gotten it under control while I was present- but it’s frustrating to feel like the rules change as soon as you walk out the front door.
So when they moved out… we didn’t keep in touch with them. The first time I saw his son he hugged me for a good 5 minutes. I know he misses me… I miss him. I know I was really important in teaching him to be loving, kind & good. He tells me all the naughty things his dad has let him do every time I see him because he knows I’m proud of him when he does the right thing. I don’t understand why his own natural parents don’t, but I hope in his heart he always knows he can come to me. I told him when they left that he always was welcome, and that he would always be my son too. It was desperately sad- and I wish I got to see him…
It’s an amazing gift to have control over your life again- and it’s wonderful to have the sanity and security restored around here. I love my children enough to let him go- even though I know he’s stuck with two lousy parents that wont care about teaching him to do the right thing… and he’s going to be a teenager soon. Heaven help us all. I really hope I see him again at some point, and I really hope those 7 years gave him some sort of foundation.
Some people you have to let go purely to save yourself…. because some people cost too much to keep.