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30 Days of Truth, Day 19

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30 Days of Truth, Day 19 → What do you think of religion?

Religion is a tough one for me. I was raised by atheist parents, essentially. My step father was Rosicrucian. My mother was raised Mormon. Neither really said much about it. Occasionally my mother would decide we should be going to church and we’d go for a few weeks. Any sign of intolerance or bizarre religious teachings and we were back to staying home on Sunday mornings. Something we all preferred.

Until my son was born three months before my nineteenth birthday with a rare eye condition, leaving him completely blind in his right eye. We flew over to an eye hospital to have him evaluated for eye surgery when he was 3 weeks old. All I could do was hold him, nurse him… and cry. At the time I was surrounded by other mothers who had prayer to fall back on. They were so much more at ease with the situation. I was lost. Thinking about all the things he wouldn’t do… and feeling responsible, somehow. I’d been a saint my entire pregnancy. Several of my friends had partied through theirs…. and my baby was the only one who could only see with one eye. I was angry at the world.

My dear Grandma Blanche told me to go to church. She said she didn’t care where I wanted to go, but told me it would offer me some comfort. We tried all of them. I could write a book on that whole ordeal. We are most comfortable in the Catholic church, something that delighted her because she’s also Catholic. She’s also my Godmother.

I love Mass. It makes me feel a million times better. Like a big reset button on my life. However- I think a lot of it is completely bullshit. I’m a salad bar Christian. I struggle with believing any of it given the way I was raised, but I absolutely have to give respect to how much better I feel after I go.

I think religion is to comfort you when you don’t know how to comfort yourself. Plain and simple. When you need to be reminded to do the right thing- you can listen to yourself or you can look to your faith in religion.

It’s a hard one to swallow- for sure- but if you can? You have more than yourself to rely on when shit goes south…and that certainly can’t hurt.

2 responses »

  1. i am addicted to your blog. thanks

    Reply
  2. I am born and raised Catholic. I think I would also fall into that salad bar category but I recently went back to regular churchgoing. I understand what that “reset button” is because I’ve felt it also. I’ve also felt joy when taking communion. I have been having trouble reconciling the “bad luck” that occurs in my life vis a vis my faith. I struggle with what it all means. Is God testing me? Am I just unlucky? It seems the closer I become to God the more I struggle.

    Reply

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