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30 Days of Truth, Day 23

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30 Days of Truth, Day 23 – Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I’d had more children. Not with the dirty boat stealing asshole, but with someone… I just wish I’d had them.

Because now I’m pretty over it. I love kids and I love babies- I really love babies…. but my kids are getting older, they’re funny and interesting and they both are a joy to spend time with. They listen to me when I ask them to do things, they both do well in school and both of them are kind, polite & respectful. I’m very blessed….and it’s been a hell of a lot of work. I wouldn’t do anything differently if I had to do it over again, but I’m exhausted even considering the idea. I’ve been defined by my motherhood for so long, and I’m enjoying having a life of my own too. I have to be able to function beyond being their mother and caring for them. All three of us have to know how to live life individually.

But I miss the 5 year old and newborn I planned on having after my two. I always wanted 4- two of each, ideally- all 5 years apart. Oddly enough it’s exactly the spacing of my ex-husband’s family, with his step-daughter and their new baby boy. I’m so thankful they have a baby and let me play with him 🙂 It’s wonderful to have little kids around again- but at the same time… I think I’m done.  At this point if I got pregnant tomorrow, (which would be impossible) I would be 35 by the time the baby was born and 53 when they graduated from high school. Holy Hell NO.

Assuming lightning struck and I met Mr. Perfect, dated him for a year or so, got married, spent some time alone together and then decided to have a baby? I’d be 56-60 when he/she graduated. Sorry to be blunt, but oh fuck nooo. Not me. No thanks.

I’d rather be the young mom- and I’d rather enjoy the children I have- I just wish there were two more of them already running around, to over-protect & adore.

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