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Internet dating, revisited again…

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I logged into OkCupid the other day and a little box popped up that told me my profile had to be active for a week if I logged in. Whatev- I was curious if my loser ex was on there like he is on Match.com. I went in this morning to see if I could shut it off yet (nope) and found some choice morsels of why it’s just NOT a good idea to look for love online.

Hello I’m Edward, u r the sexist farmer I have ever seen, I bet ur garden is amazing, along with other stuff.

Really? Such as? These guys are about a subtle as a shotgun barrel to the back of your neck… which is why I must take a moment again, to say how thankful I am that they do not disclose your home address on dating sites. Yikers. Oh and double yikes, he’s a white guy with dreadlocks, my least favorite group- AND he’s holding his NEWBORN son. Please. Get your nasty ass off the internet and help your baby mama. Yuck. Me and my amazing stuff aren’t interested.

Do you put on lipstick or are your lips naturally that firey red?

Now that’s a first….which is pretty rare. I’ve heard it all from these weirdos. I’m tempted to tell him yes… not only are my lips naturally red, but my ass is naturally thin and my hands naturally fly the bird when provoked. He is 21… so I suppose I should cut him a little slack… but ewwww.

I’ve been known to use punctuation as well. Does that earn a response from your loveliness?

Hells yeah- I love a man that can spell and punctuate. Biggest weakness I posses and the only thing better than that? A second language. Sigh… too bad the guy’s wearing a bunny hat. Hasn’t there ever been a hot guy that can spell? Oh yeah… Smarty Pants… The chicken. Perhaps the bunny is an improvement? Or is he a pig?

93% match… I don’t know why you don’t write back?

Huh… perhaps because you’re 50 years old and unattractive? I might match the guy across the street but he’s 70, in a wheelchair and I’m shallow.  Seriously? I get so tired of the raw delusion these guys embrace. I love Brett Favre- LOVE him, . Know your place in the food chain, boys. Don’t confuse being delusional with being confident.

You look/sound like a rather delightfully younger, sexier version of Martha Stewart.

No picture… but 52… and honestly? If 25 is an option, 52 doesn’t look that appealing anymore. Sorry. Just being honest.

This shit is exhausting.

14 responses »

  1. Yeah, but puppies shit all over the place. 😉

    Reply
  2. Well, you may have to smack him over the nose with a rolled-up newspaper a few times, until he gets the hint….

    Reply
  3. So just make sure you give him a tasty treat anytime he doesn’t shit inside the house…. 😉

    Reply
  4. If you’re willing to saddle yourself with the responsibility of housebreaking him… more power to ya! 😉

    Reply
  5. You can’t steal someone else’s puppy! That’s messed up!

    Reply
  6. Phew, okay! That’s very charitable of you to adopt this poor abandoned, yet housebroken puppy then. I’ll send PETA your way immediately.

    Reply
  7. My Dear, it doesn’t matter what site you ex is on. You don’t need to be looking for him nor should you. He’s your ex for a reason.

    Reply
    • I only knew because he was on the list of people who’d viewed my profile. Luckily they let you block profiles too which is why I looked for him on the other one.

      Reply

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