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Internet dating round up…

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Oh my. Just when I thought it was bleak? I check my internet dating profile. Ha ha ha…. brace yourselves.

Hello grorgeous.

Wow! You sound (and look) awesome, you should live a little closer to Moscow…

Hmm. Nevermind my statement about facial hair and the bone deep urge I’d have to shave him while he slept… learn to spell gorgeous if you’re going to step up to the plate to swing the bat. Uck. Suffice it to say I’m not moving to Moscow any time soon.

I could find you without a map:

You sound very interesting plus, you’re IN the same town !

Lucky me! Does that immediately qualify me for the consolation prize boyfriend? Or do I have to buy a compass and learn how to hide more effectively? No. No. No. Nuff said.


Hey Hotzy

nice pic r thoz real

By those I’m going to assume he’s asking about my breasts… because I’d hope we can all assume to still have our own teeth at 34. Nothing turns me off more than someone with shorthand ghetto abbreviated text-style emails. Nothing. Ok maybe a guy that posts a picture of himself wearing a dual mudflap girl t-shirt. I’d be willing to bet he doesn’t know how to tie a tie, which spells immediate disqualification in my book. Again. Uck. No. Never. Learn to spell, Mr. Delta Bravo.

Helllooooooo Nurse!

Hi there. You’re cute. What’s your name?

Sigh… yeah… I’m cute. I’m also in Idaho and soldier boy lives in South Dakota. I understand the need to flirt with some random stranger, but seriously? This guy is 22, and most definitely lives in a place even less desirable than the place I’m stuck in. Definitely with his mom… or worse. Not to mention… any 22 year old losing all his hair should just abandon it entirely and get rid of the whole Island-of-hair look. Seriously. I love bald men, a whole lot more than the receding hairlines of the world. Let Gillette save your lack of a dating life. Please. Do it for all of us.

Everybody loves cake!

Hey there! You are SO cute! Want to go out some time?

Dear God in heaven… this boy is 19 years old. Where the hell are we gonna go, Chucky Cheese? I could keep going, but I’m simply going to quote what it says in the opening paragraph of his profile and rejoice in the money I save on birth control given the utter disasters that adore me….

I am loud, and quiet. I hate a LOT of people. I spend holidays with the family, but not a whole lot besides that. I desperately want kids, and will take any chance I get to have them.

Yikes & a half. Desperate to have kids and willing to go to sketchy lengths to make it happen? This guy makes me reconsider tubal-ligation.

I think perhaps I should change the title of my book to: “Why I don’t have a boyfriend”

I’m tempted to put a picture up of myself wearing my “I’m on the naughty list” shirt… just for the guaranteed crazies it’s destined to attract.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Internet dating round up… « Another beautiful day in chaos… | Dating Site Review

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