30 Days of Truth… FINALLY… Day 30!

Day 30 – Write a letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Ohhhh Jenni….

You sweet misunderstood girl.

I love your strength. I love that you’re learning to be fearless. I love most of all that you keep on apologizing, even when you aren’t sorry.

I love that you’ve learned to trust… and that you finally know if you’re not there for every single second? Everyone will survive. Or they won’t. Either way. You’ve learned to accept that you can’t be everything to everyone.

I love your body… imperfections and all. I love that you are finally learning to use it like you should, instead of how you think other people expect you to.

I love your mind, and how you find a way when it doesn’t seem there is one out of the mess you’ve landed in. I love your sass… your ass… and the way you smile through the hell of your own bad choices and the mistakes you intentionally make.

I love your mistakes… because they benefit everyone who loves you. I love the lessons, and the way you justify each one. They’re all worth it. They’re all valuable.

I love the bad boys you love. Even if they’re all unworthy or unavailable. I love that you don’t discriminate between them. I love that you don’t limit yourself to the bad boy you love best.

I love the life you’re building, and the life you’ve lived thus far. I love love love that you don’t react out of fear, but out of hope. I love that you’re finally brave enough to accept defeat as a legitimate option. At the same time? I love that nobody can tell you it’s impossible. You have the most amazing will and a sparkling personality.

I love you….and I love embracing the ability to fly a big fuck YOU at anyone who disapproves.

Because?

You’ve arrived, my lovely self. You’ve finally gotten a handle on your inability to say no, your inability to laugh through tears and your bone crushing ideals.

You’ve let go. You’ve accepted what you cannot change…. and it’s made you a better woman, in spite of the assholes you’re forever tempted by.

What’s not to love?

It’s all too easy to accept someone else’s judgement of you.

Instead? You embrace your fabulousness. You’re learning to love yourself. You’re learning from your mistakes and you consistently do your best to make better choices in your next rodeo. It’s only teaching you to grip the bull harder with your delightfully chubby thighs. You can only learn from the hardest lessons.

Don’t avoid them, embrace them.

So you’re a little adventurous… so you fuck up a lot. So you want what you can’t have.

It could be worse….

You could be boring, jealous, scared or pathetic….

and I’d rather see you die trying than watch you give up or settle for mediocrity.

30 Days of Truth, Day 29

Day 29  – Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Uck. This 30 Days of truth thing is thankfully almost over… and admittedly I’ve put off the last few because they struck a little too close to home.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be my appetite for mean men. Definitely. Wouldn’t we all?

Put two identical men in front of me and I’ll pick the asshole every time. Blindfolded even. Give me a nice guy that returns phone calls, sends flowers and is honest and faithful… and I’ll go straight out of my mind.

A jerk is so much more…. hmmm… dangerous? Reckless? Enticing. If he makes me wonder where he is, lies to me, cheats on me, etc… I can’t do enough to please him. I should have a doormat tattooed on my forehead. Seriously.

It’s totally and completely ridiculous, and as a grown woman? A habit I sincerely need to break.

It’s tragic and pathetic to see a confident woman flail miserably with a douche bag for a boyfriend or husband. Truly tragic. We all have a gorgeous friend who wastes her brilliance on a bad man, and I will be the first person to tell her to cut her losses, remind her how wonderful she is and will her to love herself as much as everyone worthy of her love & devotion does.

I just don’t take my own advice. Tragic and mortifying, all rolled into one lovely little disaster.

Browsing blogs last night I found the best advice I’ve seen in AGES.

“Women who chase men only catch the slow ones”

No more chasing, no more assholes… and no more ignoring my own advice. How’s that for a worthy New Years Resolution?