Falling…

It’s the first time he’s heard thunder in years. His face lights up like the sky outside when he hears it.

I shake my head at myself. Just sitting with his leg touching mine makes me stupid.

It’s beyond chemistry… it’s like an electric fire.

AND he says nice things.

I can’t fucking get over that. It’s absolutely stunning.

He gets up and runs outside to see the lightning, and asks me to bring a blanket.It’s late, and I’m exhausted… but this is one of those moments in life you suck it up and rally for a few more hours.

If Adonis wants to make out in the rain, I’m happy to accompany him.

He smiles at me and I can hardly breathe. It’s hot. Muggy. You can already smell the ozone hanging in the air from the lightning. I throw a blanket down on the damp deck in the back yard.

He teases me for having bad intentions.

McS- Awwww, my little nympho… I always wanted one of those!

J- Sweet-talker.

Wrapped in a big fluffy blanket, lying on our backs on the cool hard deck, watching the lightning.

Such a perfect moment full of intoxicating feelings in spite of the fact both of us are exhausted.

He holds my fingertips. He looks me in the eyes. He’s irresistible. He’s nice and cares about being a good person and not saying anything negative.

He loves my cooking. He joked with my daughter about it.

McS- Your moms food is better than any restaurant.

D- I know, right?

I’m absolutely bringing my A game in the kitchen. I made fresh pesto out of the garden last night with tortellini, sauteed zucchini, pea pods, broccoli and mushrooms. Carrot cake for dessert.

He’s impressed that I can sew. I’m already planning on sewing something for him for Christmas.

I’m counting my chickens before they hatch…. because I know they’re going to be just fine. I have faith. I refuse to let past mistakes destroy my future happiness or ability to love freely.

One of my worried girlfriends said something interesting.

G- What can he offer you? You need to be dating someone who can make your life easy.

J- He can offer me love. Himself. The physical and mental presence of the man I adore. I have everything else or can get it if I want it badly enough. I’ve learned how to take care of the bills… sort of… I’ve learned how to fix things that are broken… for the most part… but nothing replaces watching the man you adore smile at you while you sew his buttons back on…. especially when he knows you have every intention of ripping them off again. He has the one thing I can’t buy, find or earn. Himself.

True story. Nothing compares to an amazing man willing to invest himself in your happiness. Nothing.

Pulling the blanket over his head, our laughter mixing with the thunder.  His fingers writing a love note on my goose-bump covered skin as he laughs into my mouth. Raindrops falling on my eyelids, my earlobes, and my knees and elbows, and it’s just cold enough to shock me a little with each drop. The zipper on my dress bzzzzzzing down my back, I can’t help but laugh. I love being happy.

Lit only by the moon, shining on my bee tattoo…

McS- My little honeybee.

With the raindrops coming swifter and in greater quantity, I’m stupid grateful.

Naked in a summer rainstorm with McSteamy? Hell to the yes, please. It’s an “inhale satisfaction and ask questions later” kind of moment.

I’m falling in love with the idea of it all. Hard. Quickly. With reckless abandon…. but who could blame me in this moment?

The rain is falling quickly enough that his hands are slipping on the back of my thighs and I’m careful to cover his nose so he doesn’t drown… teeth sinking into my neck, my hands sliding on the cool damp wood of the deck. Feeling raindrops run down my back.

Laughing and shivering at the same time.

Thanking all the angels and saints, God, the Holy Spirit & sweet Baby Jesus himself for sending this delightful man into my life. Accepting it for what it is, one small piece at a time.

Not picking out china patterns, for once.

Just being myself- and enjoying it more than I ever have before. He makes me, like me… and he’s easy to like.

I knew this was supposed to be easy.

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