Sometimes words fail me. Sometimes I’m struck stone cold silent.
Sometimes there’s only one word that falls from my mouth.
With “The Conversation” looming, I did what any terrified crushing girl would do. I broke out the girlie gear.
Mini-skirt… creamy white silky shirt…. no bra.
Absolutely exploiting every asset I have. Shamelessly.
Dreading and anticipating his arrival…. and biting my lip watching him drive up to pick me up.
He’s grinning at me. All signs are good… but my heart is racing and I’m avoiding looking at him.Ugh… I’m acting like a nervous little idiot- biting on my acrylic fingernails even…
I really like him. It’s really nice to date an adult- and someone who I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with. He’s funny, is only too happy to spend a day watching football, AND he can cook? Shares my tattoo habit?
Duh. No wonder I’m freaking out. He’s steadily falling into every category on my He-Who wish list.
No sign of “The Conversation” and he’s indulging me with foodie porn, the Food Truck show… running his beautiful hands up and down my legs, holding my hands. Ahhhh. Damn it I like him. He smiles at me, runs a hand just under the edge of my skirt and I feel the temperature in the room go up.
I grin at him… and he looks stunned. Horrified. Pale even. I watched the color drain from his face and thought Oh… fuck… here it comes.
He’s not looking at me, he’s looking over my shoulder.
C- Well hello.
There’s a tall woman walking from the back door to the living room, where we’re sitting.
W- What is this? What is going on here? Are you cheating on me again??????
I’m instantly aware that my little whory outfit designed to get me out of “The Conversation” is painting me as quite the nightmare for this woman.
It doesn’t help that my thighs are across his lap and his hand is half covered by my skirt. Awesome.
W- Jenni, are you seeing him?
Holy shit she knows my name.
Someone has officially gotten herself out of “The Conversation”.
She’s looking at me and I’m stunned silent. I can’t speak. I can’t answer her.
C- You don’t have to answer her.
I can’t speak to him either.
But the worst part…..
Is that I’m fighting back laughter. Seriously. This woman is fucking mad and I know if I start laughing, shit is going to go CRAZY. So I did the only thing I could think TO do…. and got up and went to the bathroom to avoid listening to him negotiating her out of the house.
One word falls from my mouth…
I couldn’t pee. I was too shocked to washed my hands…. I just sat down and let it hit me for a minute.
Hearing a knock on the door sends me into a panic.
My first inclination is not to answer it. I loathe drama and I just fell into an ocean of it. Ok, perhaps I jumped a little…
I open the door and it’s him, looking positively mortified.
C- 5 minutes, I’m so sorry. Please let me explain.
I nod and he goes outside to deal with her. I’m honestly a little horrified at myself…. because I’m not surprised and not totally offended either.
I like truth…. and it just smacked me right on my sanctimonious ass.
Realistically, I could find myself in this same situation. I know how to juggle. I have plenty of broken heart karma. I so deserve this moment.
He walks in and he just looks horrified.
And I burst out laughing. I couldn’t contain it any more.
C- I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’ll take you home- you probably want to kill me.
J- Actually? I think it’s kind of hysterical. It’s real life. Life is messy. Wow… that was epic.
C- Oh my god. Why are you ok? You’re still here? You don’t hate me? Why are you ok with this?
J- Ouch- I can go. No offense but everybody warned me about you. Things just got really real right there. It certainly presents an opportunity for you to tell me the truth. I’m used to this.
C- No, no, no, I don’t want you to go. I am so sorry. I am not with her. I swear. That’s terrible, I’m sorry. Do you want to know what my first thought was?
J- Of course.
C- All I could think was… “Well…. she wont have writers block tomorrow”
J- Oh this is blog gold. You have to know you’re ending up there tomorrow. Perhaps it’s time to have that conversation.
C- I have commitment issues, clearly.
J- This is exclusive or I’m not interested… or it goes both ways and I’ll date other people too.
He just looks stunned.
Is that really so crazy?
It seems awfully reasonable, if you ask me. If you’ve just met someone, and it’s not a girlfriend/boyfriend situation yet, don’t you sort of expect or at least assume that it’s not exclusive?
Isn’t that why it’s a big deal when he pops the “will you be my girlfriend” question?
I like a lot of things about him, but clearly there are some not so lovely details.
I’m not lily white and I don’t claim to be. I’m confident in my sexuality and the bottom line is…
Life is messy…sometimes in painful ways that present opportunities to get real, get honest… and change your perception of yourself.
I don’t envy him that moment and I’ve certainly put myself in situations that would entitle me to that same experience.
I felt horrible for the poor girl- and was SO thankful this was his shit hitting the fan, and not mine.
It didn’t change how I feel about him because I’ve grown up. I realize that having expectations only guarantees you’ll be disappointed at some point. It’s new. It’s early. It’s… nice.
Well… at least up to the point other women crash our dates.
Definitely one for the record books.