Hi

Well hi there… I’m Jenni.

Face and everything… yikers. Don’t buy the smile… I’m really quite sad this morning.

I have an amazing knack for putting myself in situations that result in me feeling worse, and thankfully- enough brains to get out of them, even when that makes me even sadder.

This sort of shit reminds me to remember who I am.

I’m fucking funny. Make you laugh till you puke, funny. Especially if I’m making fun of myself. Which perhaps explains why I keep putting myself in situations destined to hurt me? Who knows.

I’m the best friend you could ever have, and the worst enemy.

I cook and bake like Betty. As in Crocker. I spoil the people I love with their favorite things. I’m ridiculously thoughtful.

I’m pretty… and flirtatious. More than that? I’m nice. I say and do nice things. I’m a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold AND sexually? I cripple a man and rock a mean blow job. Proudly.

I fly a few fingers in the direction of anyone who judges me for being exactly what I am. Read back a ways… I burned my people pleaser panties.

I have a lot of friends who love me dearly. I’m adored by amazing people. I can handle a few enemies…hell, when people you don’t know hate you? You’re famous.

A dear friend posted this on my “wall” the other day:

That about sums it up.

I’m a great mother, with amazing kids. I’m already sewing my daughters Halloween costume. I already have Christmas presents in the closet. I’m that mom. The cool one. The one who sews things so you believe in Santa forever.

I learned to let shit go this year…. more out of trial by fire, but sheesh… at least I learned. I realized how unimportant the garden was, and how very little I missed the stupid Farmer’s market all summer. I fell in love with Saturday mornings with my daughter.

I trusted a lot of the wrong people, and made a bunch of new close friends. I learned how to tell the difference… though not when it comes to dating.

I really dated some assholes. My word. I still really leave myself open to being hurt all over again.

I refuse to be bitter. I refuse to carry bags from one relationship into another.

I refuse to be limited by my past failures.

As a result…

I cry a lot… lol ๐Ÿ™‚

I laugh a lot… and I get my heart broken equally as much.

I fall in love too quickly and I trust too freely. I’m a walking target for mean men.

I love Coach bags and hate spiders… and know how to fix the hot tub, the lawnmower and the tires on a car. I’ve had to learn how to be completely self sufficient, and I’m delighted that I can both install a new light fixture and sew anything I want. When it comes to women, I’m exceedingly well rounded.

I’m also really fed up. Really tired of gossip and drama. Tired of feeling lied to or misled or just unappreciated in general. Tired of hearing about it.

More than anything? Tired that there’s anything TO hear.

When does it get easy and when does it benefit you to be nice? I don’t like being a bitch… and I prefer being happy.

So… hi…. how are you? Got a joke to tell me or something funny? You read my journal… so I figured it’s fair to ask you to cheer me up, tell me something I need to hear or just slay me with truth.

I’m discouraged on an epic level this morning…

8 thoughts on “Hi

  1. First off.. beautiful picture!
    Secondly.. you’re an amazing woman and you know it. I’ve been in your shoes. Still am in fact. I’m too nice as well, and always fall too fast for the wrong men.
    it results in tears.
    And being sad.
    I’m sorry we learn the hard way. It fucking sucks. One day we are going to make some good decisions, damn it.
    Keep your head up… and keep it moving. You’re strong and you know it. Tomorrow is another day…

  2. Pingback: Hi |
  3. Sayin a prayer for you right now girlfriend. May you continue to learn from life’s lessons, trials and tribulations and come out the other side as Victor. I love you and am always available to listen should you need a sounding board in real life ๐Ÿ™‚
    Jen

    1. Pray hard my friend… I can use all the help I can get.

      If I’m not learning I’m at least providing lessons… huh.

      I’m discouraged. Faithless. Hopeless and broken. Go Captivated, Go.

      Straight to hell if my prayers are heard.

  4. I love you dearly. I hate that your hurting but the more I read, the more I absolutely love you! I am the same way…I am constantly getting shit on by men…figuratively speaking that is lol and I fucking hate it….it really can be this hard to find a keeper….can it??????? I dont know whether or not to keep my head up or just give up on men all together. Chicks have been looking better and better these days LMAO

    1. Could a vagina be that much worse than the dick that keeps effing me the wrong way?

      No.

      My lesbian bestie said it best…

      LB- Honey… if you switched to vag you’d just pick chicks that would cheat on you.”

      Great… I can’t even win with my own tribe.

      Sigh.

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