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Internet Dating, revisited…

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A fellow blogger of mine mentioned that she was going to try internet dating again.

Sigh… nothing will ever cure some of the damage of internet dating. It was a wild ride, that’s for sure. I came away from it with a few lessons.

1. It’s totally and completely unnatural. You cannot feign interest and when you are attracted by the best three pictures some dude has of himself? You are in for quite the shock when you actually arrive to your date. Forced intimacy is never comfortable. They ALL tried to touch me. Eeek.

2. Sex was out of the question for me, but I figured out pretty quickly that it was what people were using internet dating for. I was the exception, because most of them were simply building a booty call database. I never had sex with a single one of them. Ever.

3. They’re weird… but then I hand picked the weirdest guys at the end of my online dating stint, purely for the material. I’ve seen it all- and there are some weird guys out there. If you think your immediate pool of options seems dismal? Go look at your online menu… but do it with a glass of wine and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s… because you are about to lose a little more faith. I live in a small town and it’s depressing.

I gave it up- because it was only making me jaded and depressed…. but the mere mention of it made me curiously wander over to one of the sites I’d registered on ages ago… only to realize it was still active, LOL.

There are emails from the last six months. Some so funny, most so awkward… and mostly grating on my last bitchy nerve.

D- Ur hot. Do u want to kick it?

Good Lord, don’t even get me started. The reality of me is that I am goddamn picky when it comes to men. They have to be smart. I can’t date anyone who’s dumb. They have to want to spell YOU out in it’s entirety. It’s one of those pet peeves of mine, I suppose.

They run the full gamut… and then I get to the last one.

OG-Hi again, we’ve messaged a few times on this site before. At least I have messaged you. I still have a crush on you, lol. Wish you were a little older or (more accurately) I was a lot younger. You just sound like “my kind o’ gal,” which naturally I mean as a compliment even if you don’t know me from Adam’s house cat. So anyway, hope your life is going well; I envy you the tomatoes. Good luck, and you’re ever in Spokiedokie, would love to offer you a cuppa.

He’s 64 and I realize I sound like a total bitch, but he’s nearly 10 years older than my mother. I guess what I ultimately came away with was that internet dating teaches you to settle for the list in front of you, instead of just living your life knowing that happiness is the goal, not shared living expenses.

I’d rather have faith and be alone than be depressed and creeped out. I had some crazy experiences trying to hunt love down via the internet. It’s like finding Tiffany & Coach at the thrift store. Yeah it happens once in a blue moon… but most of it is crap. That’s my charming analogy of internet dating. At the end, I was in it purely for the story.

I’m horribly tempted to go out on a few of these dates, purely for the entertainment… but that’s pretty shitty, isn’t it?

I might just do it anyway.

8 responses »

  1. I think it can be kinda fun…. as long as you don’t take it too seriously. I can only handle it in spurts though. Like a month on… and a month off. The scenery gets a little boring otherwise 🙂

    Reply
    • I hear this from people and I guess I just never had that experience. I never had fun. It was always weird and awkward. I went on 18 dates, wrote about all of them and laughed myself sick. It was great for building my confidence after getting out of a horrible relationship, but that’s about all it was good for.

      The scenery is painfully boring, and it is a break in the monotony. I’m going on at least one of them, just for fun.

      Reply
  2. Save the dimes for an island adventure. 😉

    Reply
    • Oh what I wouldn’t give… some dreams are just meant to come true, right? 🙂

      That man is just….

      It.

      Why can’t the islands be closer???

      Reply
  3. –If I were single, I’d definetely do this…
    but I’d be Careful as hell…
    –there are some really scary dudes out there…
    I know several woman who have had good experiences ( my friend married one!) — but another friend dated a pedaphile. Serious.

    Reply
    • I’m a trained professional at this point. I don’t meet them anywhere near where I live and I would NEVER tell them about my kids. No. Yikes.

      Internet dating is not for the faint of heart… and if you’re smart… you do it purely for the writing material because the result of my internet dating success?

      The Dirty Boat Thief…..

      I rest my case.

      Reply
      • Ok. that’s it. I MUST read about the dirty boat thief. I’m putting that on my “to-do” list today. I can’t go another day hearing that term and not knowing the story.

      • Ugh… I’m sorry in advance….

        Long story short? I started dating him a month after my divorce, and continued down that same horrible path for 7 years because I wanted a second chance at love. I had every intention of one more baby with the man I adored- we planned on getting married- etc… he was/is an aimless lazy loser who did nothing but shit on my self esteem and bleed the hope & happiness out of every facet of my life. At the point I was estranged from my family, I (finally) snapped after he sold me out in front of our kids. I dumped him- so he bought a camper and a wireless signal extender and lived for another few months in my driveway, watching porn…. it practically took a crowbar to get him out. I gave him 6 months to get all of his stuff out, and he waited 7 to even begin… so I got rid of some of it, and he licensed my boat in his name, and drove it away. I see him now and then- and hopefully I don’t loathe him forever- though driving past my boat on the way home from work makes me want to knock on his door purely to flip him off. He sucks- but happy reading- it’s pretty vicious at times.

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