I’m burned out.
I’ve run out of words and my inspiration is something I’d rather be selfish with and enjoy all to myself.
My darling T… the very definition of why it was worth it to put my journal online and even more insane- share it with people. Falling in love with this man should be something the rest of you can only speculate about… it’s different, he’s special to me and I’m not sharing. <grin> So, quite honestly my head is full of thoughts I can’t put down because I’m not willing to share him. I’ll post a few pictures of the two of us at some point, how’s that?
It’s been interesting- and I’m thankful I can read back through the past 5 years of my life. I still can’t understand why anyone else does- but it’s still cathartic.
All good things come to an end.
Looking out the window this morning, watching the snow fall and feeling about as sad as a girl can feel without crying. Big things need to change. The whole world, essentially. I want out of this home ownership nightmare. I’m tired of all this responsibility. Life could be a hell of a lot easier- and I’m ready to snap under all this pressure.
Over it. Done. I’m crying mercy. Someone please send a realtor on a white horse down the driveway, lol… before I lose my mind.
I have a million little details to every day. I have a million responsibilities and not enough hours in the day to do it all. 
Blogging proves to be cathartic- but I don’t have the time anymore- so I’m afraid this really is it.
I may post here and there, but I’m officially unplugging myself and walking away. There are too many people I come in contact with that read this anyway. Y’all have ruined it. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. I have a second blog that I’m able to be candid on- unpublished, private and at times completely password protected. I’ve learned the true value of anonymity this year.
I’ve learned the value of candor. I can’t really be 100% any more. If I sat down and really wrote like I used to? I’d have death threats- because I used to out people for who they were on a regular basis. Too many people know exactly who I’m talking about when I’m bitching now. That sucks. The fun has gone out of having a bitchy outlet because now I have to see your offended faces in person… and I’m only inspired to piss them off more. I’ve gotten pretty comfy in my bitch panties. I’ve learned to stand up for myself.
I’ve learned to accept responsibility and defeat- and how to manipulate a man with words that glorify him publicly. Some of them get off on it even more when I’m hating them…. and two of them have purchased the domain name of their nickname. I’ve learned the difference between a boy and a man… and ultimately it’s led me to the man of my dreams.
He should be the only one privy to my thoughts. This man who already knows all there is to know- and then some… he’s different- and I’m prepared to approach this with blind faith and the resilient hope that dreams do come true, and that he really does exist…. my T.
He who’s worthy of the words that trickle from my fingertips into his heart- the way his do into mine.
This full scale melt the paint off the walls love affair requires me to turn the page and bore you to tears with stories of baking and sewing… or shut the book and whisper softly to all of you… 
Goodbye….
I love you. Each one of you individually. I see the stats each day and it blows my mind. I read your comments and feel like I’m not completely alone in juggling more than three people could manage. I can be a raving cunt and you still come back. I’m not sure why- but thank you. You’ve been there for me in so many ways.
Through parenting with a pushover, through a breakup resulting in my bitching forever about my boat being stolen. Through my being an asshole, a party girl and a slut at times… to my friends sleeping with my boyfriends, my boyfriends sleeping with EVERYONE and my son leaving and hating me. Through the multi-thousand-dollar water leak in the driveway and the car breaking down- for good. It’s just ridiculous how hard this year has been. Truly.
You’ve read along with me being stupid, getting hurt and canning jam. Everything from planting too many tomatoes to making up with my arch nemesis… It’s been a crazy year.
You’ve watched me be loved out loud by an amazing man who I’ve been falling in love with since his first sentence. I love your emails about him- especially those from the haters… keep ‘em coming.
Looking forward I’m somewhat melancholy and the things that used to matter, don’t anymore.I cannot internet date- it’s just too awful when My T is vibrating on my phone in my pocket. I’d rather be on the phone with him than in the company of a hot piece of eye candy, or worse, a weirdo.
I don’t really give a fuck about Christmas, because I feel it in my soul that it will be missing my son. Christmas has always been so special to me- and now it’s just another day… just like all the rest.
I want out. Out of this struggle, out of this nightmare, out of this life in the snow. Out of complaining. Out of crying… and out of being disappointed.
I’m officially done. Tapping out, calling a realtor and exhaling for the first time in years.
Signing off on my blog. Putting all the babies to bed, so to speak.
Devoting myself to what’s really important. 
I love you, I love you, I love you-
Take care… and keep in touch.
Strive to be happy- and go find your own T…
xo J
You suck. That’s all
I hate you…. But not really. Good luck with your prince sweetie 
Awww I know. I might wander in once a week to blog for sanity- but probably not for a while. I need a break- it’s too weird having people come up to me in public to comment about the week I’ve had.
That pirate prince of mine has changed the way I look at the world-
♥
Tell him I said hey….. and if you are doing subbers to your other place, would you email and let me know, please? Will miss you!!!
I will
It’s a much needed break, if nothing else… time for the thoughts to collect in my head and time to silence my heart a little so I’m not rambling on about rainbows, butterflies and true love.
I’m happy to send you the link- it’s the ex-factor I’m looking to wash my hands of… not to mention the very public local reader factor
I’m actually looking forward to catching up on all of your blogs- so you wont miss me a bit ♥
I love you ! And if you sell your house (Merry Brown Hayes) will do that for you ! And you and Issy want to come to Arizona ! You always have a place in my heart and my home ! Im so happy that life has become more important then trying to please all your bloggers ! I know that it’s been a big part in getting to the place you are now ! That is what happens when you live in a very small town where no one else can have there own lives so they have to live through yours . You Go girl ! Keep them all guessing and be happy . I Love you ! Your a great person and friend no matter what people say or do . Happy Holidays !! And Fuck them all !!!! Do what you know is best !!! xoxox My phone # is still the same so please call !!!!
Love you
Oh what I wouldn’t give for an escape plan…. I’m desperate to get out of the cold and it’s just started.
I miss you so much I haven’t been able to call. I miss my little T so much It breaks my heart. I. Miss. You. So so so much it hurts. If I could move tomorrow I would- and you’d be staring at my gigantic shit eating grin and know that I really and truly finally know what it is to be happy. All because of my own efforts- oddly enough.
You pick oranges in your back yard…. I am green with envy.
Jenni – burned out? Yeah, it happens. That’s why they make massage schools and mani/pedi schools – go, for cheap, refresh, at a discounted rate.
We’ll all still be here, blogging away, when you come back to post the pics of you and your pirate tearing up the seven wonders of the world. I for one would love to see those pictures so do share.
I dream of the day you and I can write about the healing heart of a mama, the day our son’s come home. For this mama though, I fear it’ll be a while still, I hope yours is sooner.
Knit, knit, knit, and spread that jammy goodness all over homemade toast this winter. Stay happy and focused on the path to your ever after.
xo
35 Maple Street
Five people in a week coming up to say….
P- Heyyyyy!!!! Who is the guy????? What a week- you sound stupid in love.
Yeah no. No bueno. For the first time, I can’t share. I can’t share him and I can’t share details and it’s effing killing me. I’d rather quit than go crazy… and honestly?
Y’all would stand up and cheer if you knew the half of it. There would be a parade and flowers and doves released. All that cheese-ball nonsense that says “This girlie found the man she was born to meet.” I want to see everything again for the first time- with him. It’s that good.
Oh my aching mommy heart… and honestly part of the stepping away stems from that. He hates me for this blog. He hates that it’s popular and he hates that I just keep on writing. He doesn’t understand- and though I hoped he’d never read it? It’s not for him. It’s not for him to read or for him to judge me by. He has no idea the struggles I swim in. He has no concept of the sacrifices I’ve made to be his mom. I’m ok with that. I know that I’ve been a complete asshole to my mom- and I apologize every day. I’m thankful every time she hugs me and kisses my face. I’m happy every time I laugh with her. I love her so much and I am so sorry for the time I lost with her because I was an asshole.
The knitting rolls on- and I’m replying from bed with an ice cold beer and a dozen knitting books & balls of yarn littering the bed. I’m in heaven… and it could only be better IF….
Well… nobody ever said the path to ever after was paved with rose petals…. in fact they said “Good things happen to those who wait”
Waiting… and smiling… and in love with every bit of my crazy difficult life.
Oh and SO frustrated I can’t blog today because I’d have soooooooooooo much to say……………..
Muah. Words are few with us but I always love you and call you a friend.
I love you too J ♥
I have the faith I have because of you. I saw you meet that guy and fall in love and all of a sudden the whole world made sense because the two of you were an “US”. I’m so happy for you and your new babies and your shiny happy beautiful life. I love you darlin’ girl- and I miss your face!
WHAT??? You’re not serious are you? I found your blog through his and this is the coolest twist of things I’ve ever read. I’ve read his comments for months and I always thought it was too bad he wasn’t closer because you seem alike in alot of ways and now your shutting down before I get to read about the coolest part? NO! Please don’t leave us, please dont go and I agree with myjourneymyrules, I hope you both find the happiness you both deserve and pictures or it doesn’t count!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You look so much better blond. You really did it, you really pulled the plug? Good for you baby girl. send me the link for the other one.
A
Thank you so much for the follow on my blog, it really means a lot to me anytime someone hits that button. Also, you are a very lucky girl! Best wishes for you and yours!
The very luckiest
Thank you!