First Impressions, a RANT.

What I really should do, is quit my job and open a business tailored to helping men sound like someone COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than they are, so that they could be more successful at internet dating.

Because frankly… they’re all so fucking ignorant I want to scream. If I weren’t hand picking the odd balls, I’d want to sew my vagina shut and live in an underground bunker- just to avoid the penis-folk.

I really have to pull out my bitchy soap box this morning though, because out of 19 emails, 2 men have taken the time to spell out the word Y O U. I understand shorthand laziness and I get that 90% of people just write “u”… but I’m not one of them, and when you have nothing but email to rely on for a first impression? Make it fucking count. For crying out loud, be so bold as to use two more letters while typing.

Here’s a sampling… so you can see what I’m fuming about.

Hi j how r u first date meet u in sandpoint for a drink and c where it goes from there what do u think

C where it goes from where? Perhaps you want to meet my … uh… well… shit. I don’t know anyone his age so I guess that’s out. If I introduced him to my mama she’d smack him.

I’m extremely multifaceted, most definitely one of the most interesting individuals you will meet, and I can promise you that! I have seen and done a lot in my days here on the planet EARTH. I tend to have an insatiable appetite for learning, which lends itself to many adventures. I am driven and have an uncanny sense of personal motivation. I am independent; although that can be my biggest strength, it can also be my greatest crutch. I would describe my adventurous ways as a cat, just a little mischievous, but one that will always land on its feet! I guess some, would label this as a free spirit, because I am passionate about humanity in a way that most others can’t touch. I am selfless in ways, which most don’t understand. I give of my time, without thought or payment; more often then most do in their lifetime.
Have I scared you away yet? I promise I don’t bite…

And ya lost me… I love a good biter. lol… BUT. The thought of this man biting me after his rather Thomas-esque 18 page email about how fantastic I am and how magnanimous and charitable he his, makes me throw up in my mouth a little. This guy does everything but email you the title to his mid-life crisis mobile. I understand some men play the sugar daddy card… but I’d rather be poor and exhausted in love than face my wifely obligations with any amount of hesitation.

hi j, i read ur profile and decide to say hi. if u would like to chatt sometime feel free to say hi. by 4 now good luck fishing.

Nevermind school was canceled yesterday due to snow. Nevermind it’s NOT FISHING WEATHER. It’s another one of those UR douche bags. For fuck’s sake, SPELL THE FUCKING WORD. This is your first chance to communicate with someone you potentially want to date, right? Is it really that much to ask that they fake a little intelligence? Please? My bad habit loves Jeopardy, if that tells you anything. Sheesh. This girl… loves smart men ONLY. Don’t even get me started on his decorating decisions or creeper mustache.

Well, the text of your POF profile certainly doesn’t speak very well for the “datin’ pool” of Sandpoint area eligible males!?! ( Altho, since I acually live on four acres out in the country, about eight miles outside the next city, perhaps I don’t fit the pattern you reference )?

Uh… no, you fit every pattern I’ve had the misfortune of coming across, thus far. At 55, you exceed my age requirements by oh… 10 years. Let me guess, you’re a young 55? Ugh. Yuck. No. Sack up and date women your own age and spare me their hate and vitriol when they see you trying to date me. These guys are the worst. They piss off the women I adore by being shallow bottom feeders who have in no way done anything in life that qualifies or absolves them the guilt of, dating someone 20 years younger. He should thank me for not responding. He’d hate my music and I’d end up flirting with his 26 year old son, lol…

Hey beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just thought that I would write to say hello and to see if “u” might like to communicate a little bit for starters????????????

Oh boy… where on earth do I even start. He refers to himself in the third person as a “Savory Morsel” <gag>. He’s 50… and well… absolutely not. I had to post his email because he’s clearly trying to find his way to being a hipster that uses the destruction of Y O U. He had to put quotation marks around his U… he was that uncomfortable. Now that’s funny 🙂

Ha R U?

Uh… I’m scared…. for so many reasons and in so many ways. A man of few words? Um… HA!  I’m not sure where to go from there… other than to show you his profile… in it’s entirety.


Hi my name is. Dave. I was born in cali
And moved up Here a few years ago
I do like the country. I like to take my
Boat out to the lake Every chance I get.
I do like takin my truck. Or my dirt bike And going off road.
I do like the city life. I like going in watching a live band.
Or just going out on the town.
I do like to go to the movies a lot. Or go have a drink.
Or a nice dinner somewhere. Or run off to vegas for the weekend.
I have a good job.
I would love to find a good Woman.
I know it something you can’t rush.
I just hope someday. I could meet the girl for me

And y’all wonder why I pick the crazies…and Good luck, Dave.

It appears we all need a helluva lot of luck.

19 thoughts on “First Impressions, a RANT.

  1. Idaho? You live in Idaho? That reminds me of a joke I heard once: I da ho. Get it? you might want to put that on your dating profile, bet the emails will really be rolling in then, lol.

    This is priceless entertainment. I never knew the dating pool in Idaho was that deep…..

    • Lol… I have a shirt that says “Idaho? No U da ho, and frankly I’m offended”

      This is only one day of emails, there are literally dozens to choose from. It sure is entertaining, isn’t it?

    • I don’t reach out to anyone so I figure if they send it to me, I should ask my friends for help choosing, right? You should see the pics I CAN’T post…

  2. I see the same thing online. It’s so sad. My friend and I also said we should start a coaching business for men. Damn, some of these guys are just clueless!

    • He’s been on these sites for years- and he’s always been 50, lol. My mom is 56 and hot, but then I think women age a lot better than men.

      50 or not, that’s a big NO.

  3. S.

    Haha, this had me laughing out loud and sharing with my bf. 😛
    One thing, the third guy? The one that took his picture from so far away that you can barely see the porn ‘stache? You know, the fishing guy? He isn’t as crazy (stressing the ‘as’) as you thought… He said ‘good luck fishing’ in reference to finding people on Plenty of Fish. Haha, It is interesting that it could actually be a tiny bit of wit… or Maybe not.
    I had a moment where I kinda feel bad for these guys… I don’t mean because of the post, and I certainly agree that none had any real chance of being date-worthy. But they are just lonely old men. That’s what makes me feel bad for them. Like the guy that had to ‘u’… He obviously isn’t that comfortable with modern technology but still tries to be what he thinks is ‘hip’ to women. Or perhaps I am just too nice, and he is nothing more than a creep playing on others sympathies! 😛
    Eek, sorry, I wrote too much again.
    oo – S.

    • It also says I like to fish on my profile…Ugh.

      I can’t stand facial hair, and the only time I get anywhere near it is if I really like the guy… but it’s a strike against them from the beginning. Uck. If I have to shave- so can he.

      Write away- that’s what this thing is for anyway 🙂

  4. Maybe “u” guy wouldn’t be so bad if he took his hearing aid out……….. or maybe he just needs some scissors………

    Ya, this latest pool just leaves me flat. Definitely not as alluring as sister wife guy.

    Oh! But on the upside, “u” guy has the internet, so maybe there is hope that an old dog could be taught new tricks? So sorry, I know that was not nice…….. 😆

  5. adalamar

    Love this post and it is so true! The wwhole U thing was one of my pet peaves too and itbgot to the point where I would simply delete anyone who did not spell out you.

  6. Pingback: Viral – Another beautiful day in chaos

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