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Words fail me.

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Well… no… no they don’t. In fact, I’m a wordy deadly weapon every now and then and this man just happened to piss me off on a very wrong day. I’m simmering, damn annoyed and dying for a target. Exhausted and coming down with a cold that involves me feeling queasy. Work was a real picnic. I came home and realized it’d been days since I checked out the whole crazy inbox of internet dating weirdos. It’s downright depressing. I may just have to spend a whole day copying and pasting to share my horror. It’s worse than I can describe.

On occasion, one of them is rude…. which is what happened the other day.

Like I said… I’m itching to eviscerate an idiot, and this guy is shaping up to be just the right guy for the slaughter.

A volunteer douche bag, just asking for it.

AmazingUniqueSeeksSame4BF

3/30/2012 11:52:54 PM
Well this non-douche bag tried a couple of times to say HI
SO you get what get Maybe you are just attractive on the outside
j

4/4/2012 11:30:40 AM
This email tells me just how much of a douche bag you really are. Someone not being interested in your rather unattractive old ass does not give you license to insult me. Kick rocks, asshole.
AmazingUniqueSeeksSame4BF

4/4/2012 1:47:19 PM
Well I think I will be successfully off of here before you…so not so unattractive or a douche bagSorry that was rude, and for that I apologize

Where to start?

Amazing & Unique? Not so much. Trust me, I have a doctorate in Douche Bag and you are quite the textbook example of a penis, gone douche. Again… I didn’t respond because your photograph alone tells me I’m not interested, nuff said. I was being nice by ignoring you. Oh sorry, that was rude- but you asked for it. xo J

Usually I rename them, more as a courtesy than anything, since they may not be thrilled about being blog fodder. Names have been changed to protect the occasionally innocent. Which doesn’t happen very often, but this is a whole new ballgame. Today’s emails were so bizarre I had to call my friend and read them to her. I may even screen shot them to prove it.

**Jonnyrocknroll**

4/5/2012 9:24:15 PMย  I’m the person that’s taking huge dumps in the middle of the bike path.. So if you stepped on

some in some huge man scat.. It was mine ๐Ÿ™‚ please watch me have gay sex..

What the fuck? Again… I cannot change his name because this dude is clearly insane or this is his ex-wife, determined to destroy his reputation. She’s succeeding. I don’t even know where to go with that or how to respond. I think this is one of those magical occasions that less is more. I’m just not into gay sex unless it’s women, sorry. I’m fresh out of any urge to be ignored by TWO guys at once. No thanks, I’m gonna have to pass.

wburns1969

3/20/2012 11:04:28 PM
Hi beautiful…how are you…enjoying Spring so far? :)Look forward to hearing from you,
Wayne
wburns1969

3/22/2012 12:31:53 PM
Hi beautiful…how are you today? ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, I’m SOOO waiting for the real spring to come out, too…so, I can spend some time out at the lake ๐Ÿ™‚ Where do you like to go camping? Do you ever come to the Spokane area?I see in your profile, you’d had a few “strange” dates, curious what those are? I’ve heard some CRAZY stories…as well as with my own :)So, you like the “exception to the rule”…curious what that’s about…I’d like to think I am, but I guess that’s in the eye of the beholder ๐Ÿ™‚

Do you have anymore pics you wouldn’t mind sharing?

Look forward to hearing from you,
Wayne

wburns1969

3/30/2012 1:13:52 PM
Wahoo, it’s Friday! :)Hi beautiful, how was your week, other than all the rain? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Doing anything fun and exciting for the weekend? For me, going to the Shock game in Spokane…wahoo! :)Look forward to hearing from you,
Wayne

wburns1969

3/31/2012 6:44:53 PM
Hi beautiful…how are you, enjoying your weekend so far? ๐Ÿ™‚
wburns1969

4/5/2012 4:58:32 PM
Hi beautiful…how are you…having a good week so far?

How many times do you contact someone and not hear back before you understand they’re not interested? He’s cute… ish. Not my type, not at all interesting to me. Dude… buy a clue. She’s just not that into you. Silence speaks volumes, a lesson I’ve learned from the Vagina Hoarder. Nothing makes you feel worth less. Run. This man cannot date me. I will only make him feel bad about himself.

I had to sit and laugh… I had to call a girlfriend to read them to her. I had to just shake my head and wonder how on earth I ever thought internet dating was a good idea….

5 responses »

  1. I will anxiously await the follow-up to the bunny “tale”!

    Reply
  2. I like the last to lines ๐Ÿ™‚

    Painting bunny tails on my toenails, excited.

    Sewing a tail to my favorite pantiesโ€ฆ. excited.

    Reply
  3. Holy Hell…. I swear we must be sister wives. I Wrote “The Dating Diaries of Jane Doe” a few years ago. It was hilarious. much like this but an entire blog dedicated to it. I deleted it, wish I still had had it. I love the page :]

    Reply

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