Being a single woman and even more challenging- a single mother… creates the perfect storm of needs and not a lot of wants being realized. It teaches you to focus on the things that have to be done when there are so many of them to juggle that it’s natural to feel paralyzed by indecision… if the exhaustion doesn’t get you first.
I’ve changed flat tires in the snow… in heels and a dress.
I’ve rewired the electricity to my garage… with a do-it-yourself book I found in the electrical section at Home Depot…. and IT WORKED!
I’ve planted enough vegetables and grown enough flowers to make the lives of those around me, prettier and more delicious.
I’ve knit a million hats, a half dozen bunnies and an entire Halloween costume once. I taught myself how to make soap, how to balance the PH on a hot tub AND through much trial and error… how to cut and hang crown molding in my house.
I can cook anything, bake the pants off anyone and sew the matching curtains to my daughter’s surprise bedroom make-over with just enough time to pick her up from school.
I’ve learned to thrive in the last minute and which corners can be cut to realize my goals while still making it to work on time.
I make single motherhood, look good.
When it comes to love, however… I’ve written the book on being naive, gullible and delusional. I fall in love easily- because I want that happiness to balance the stress of my over-achieving lifestyle. Regardless of the horrible men I’ve entrusted with my most vulnerable asset, I still believe in love.
Superman rose to the occasion and scared the living hell out of me. I’m used to biting back my L-bombs. I’m used to carefully balancing my text messages to match the number chiming in from the man in my life. I’ve learned to pump the breaks and buckle my seat belt, for the safety of all involved.
Him? Not so much.
He sent me words that left me speechless, and backed up those statements with action and every intention to keep on going. He opened every door in my path and laughed as he forgot that his fancy shmancy truck had it’s own set of perfectly functional brakes. He wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t careful and he backed up his bravery with hours in my garden as a volunteer feast for the mosquitoes- just to give me a break.
…. and I flipped out over the whole amazing experience, and broke up with him.
He’s been camping for the past week, and he’s one of those crazy people that goes camping without his iPhone. We had the chat about it once.
S- I’m stealing you away for a week and you’re leaving that damn thing at home.
Everyone knows how stubborn I am, and nothing makes me dig my heels in more than being told what to do. In the face of all I’ve had to learn to do on my own- I’ve clung to my one undeniable right. I do what I want.
Right now? I’d give just about anything to be in a tent in the woods with my favorite man- sans phone. Sigh.
I made it 3 days before I caved to the temptation and sent him a text message… asking him when he was coming home. Trying to gauge the climate of the situation before planning my apology and all-out plea to forgive my insane reaction to him being the perfect boyfriend.
J- Hi… I hope you’re having a wonderful time camping in spite of the rain, are you coming home soon? Talk?
No answer. Sigh… I so deserve to twist in the wind after being such a damn fool.
I made it another day before sending another one. Sheesh. I know, I know… quit while you’re ahead and all that- but I couldn’t help myself and really I could have gone on and on… I’m pretty proud of my limited stalking.
J- I sure miss you. I hope you’re coming home soon.
Nada… not so much as a smiley face. Ugh.
I learned to dislike my delightful phone if it meant it was just going to sit there silently and torture me with his absence. I left it home instead of taking it to the store with me. What was the point? I’d already haunted it to the point I was being annoying to my friends.
But… just when I’d really come to terms with the mistake I’d made, and figured I only had myself to blame for the douche bag factor in my life if I finally met a wonderful man and ran him off at the first sign of easy perfection and romantic bliss.
A text message came chirping in…
S- I’m not sure when I’m coming home, but the moment I do, I’m coming to see you. I only left because you asked me to- I’ve been looking for a woman like you my whole life and I’m coming back to you if you like it or not because I like the fact that you make me so happy it scares me. I’ll show you that you can trust me however you need me to, with or without the stupid fan.
Awww…. a second chance to not be a stupid jaded territorial lunatic, and so grateful.
Completely in love with a certain super hero who loves his family enough to quiet his heart.
That does it…
I’m sewing him a cape… if for no other reason than to give me the perfect outfit to greet him at the door when he comes back home.