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Thomas Murray: Happiness is the best revenge

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Every time someone contacts me regarding the nightmare that is Thomas Murray, I laugh a little. I can finally laugh about it. I can finally forgive myself for being so careless with my safety and I can finally shake my head at myself in the mirror.

How could I be so stupid? How could I trust someone without any concern for my own value?

I hate to admit it… but it was fairly easy. I’d gotten to a place I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I’d been broken so deeply I forgot to protect the one thing I couldn’t get back… my life.

I curled, painted & zipped myself into believing I could take risks other people “wouldn’t have the bravery to take”. I was so terribly disenchanted that I took the ultimate leap of ignorance and got on the airplane.

There are a few clear memories that stand out now that I know what a horrible idea it was. The first was the real head-shaking, heart breaking memory of handing my passport to the man in the security line at my local airport.

M- Ohhh Puerto Rico? I’m jealous! Enjoy your trip!

At the time I looked ridiculous, I’m sure. Dressed in a little black dress, heels and blonde curls for days… running on adrenaline because I’d been up all night long with my best friend. Packing and repacking… and still unhappy with what was in my suitcase. Stopping at the book store in the airport to buy Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”.

The second moment hit me on my last flight, and the one that took me into Puerto Rico. I sat with a couple who’d been married for decades, and they urged me to be cautious and warned me to watch my drink.

C- Be careful honey, Puerto Rico is beautiful but it can be a very dangerous place. Keep your wits about you at all times.

I heeded that advice, and it may have saved my life.

The third time I finally realized I was in over my head, on the phone with my red-headed sister Miss Lovely.

L- Please let me call mom, I’m worried about you and I know she would be too. Please.

I told her to call my mom right before I passed out and fell asleep. I still don’t remember calling her and her memories are what I have to fall back on when I panic over the lack of mine. I talked to her for 3 hours in the middle of the night, and told her we’d gotten in a fight, that he’d hit me and I’d packed my things and left. She said she could hear him banging on the door of my room and screaming at me. I don’t remember any of those things beyond fighting with him, but her recollection matches closely what the hotel has told me.

I came home confused and feeling broken and responsible. He tormented and terrorized me until I went public and told the whole truth. As soon as the pieces started to fall into place, he left me alone. As soon as I called his wife, he disappeared and quit harassing me.

…but just as soon as he vanished…the women started to come out of the woodwork.

I’ve been contacted by women he’s been involved with for the past 15 years, women he’d recently tried to schmooze and other women he had on the line. Twenty two women who’d had the misfortune of being targeted by a con man. What’s the one common feeling every one of us have?

We all feel stupid.

We all feel responsible, to a certain degree- and we all regret him.

We’re all right & alright at the same time. We should have known better- we all should have believed more strongly that we ALL deserved the truth.

I’m just thankful for the lesson. It scared me out of my nightmare and made me face my mortality. The experience spanked me deeply enough for me to catch my breath and remember who I was again.

I love my children and my family more than I loved the idea of having someone love me whom I loved and wanted to spend my life with.

I wanted so much more than to settle for an elderly nerdy wanna-be frat boy. He was so bad I remembered how awful it was to settle for the Dirty Boat Thief. I remember waking up hating my existence. I remember being embarrassed by my partner… I never wanted to go back there.

I wanted more and he was never enough to risk my life for.

His ultimate downfall is that he underestimated our voices and disregarded the facts on the ground.

He pursued me AFTER falling in love with my blog. Hello? I suppose because it covered more than the span of a year, people gave it more credence than some fling, but just given those facts I should have to wear a big red I on my forehead for at least a month.

He had the audacity to buy me a ticket and con me into meeting him there. I say con because that’s truly what he is. He doesn’t tell the truth to anyone, we all get tiny pieces when he decides to “bless” our hearts with to show us more love than we’ve ever known… because we’re important to him, and he’s not finished with us yet. <eyeroll>

I acted like some sort of prison inmate with no prospects and fell for simple flattery and pretty words. That’s all on me, and I take full responsibility. Definitely not a high point in my life, that’s for sure.

He paid for nearly everything, except for dinner and drinks the last two nights I was there. So all told I got to go to Puerto Rico in February for $300, I got the story of a lifetime in the history of internet dating and just the slap in the face I needed.

I never claimed to learn the easy way, and I try all the time to be a nicer person.

Ultimately I’ve met my Superman as a result of raising my standards, who happens to be the love of my life. I regret every man that came before him. I’m happier than I’ve ever known and I know love deeper than I ever thought possible.

All things Thomas promised I would do and/or have, so I suppose I’m thankful for the reminder that it’s nice to have someone treat you kindly. The charming Thomas Murray quickly morphs into Tommy Boy when you add booze, and unlike the charming dancing Lothario he claimed the infamous “Tommy” was? He’s more like an abusive jackass with no filter.

With my wits about me, I witnessed what I never wanted my life to include. I came home in one piece, but broken and compromised. Surviving it and telling the truth.

Making Friends with the other “Other” women.

Forgiving myself in the process and moving on in my life. Wanting more and being blessed by God, all the angels & saints with the greatest man I’ve ever known.

The Karma fairy gave me new wings, a future to be envied and the love of a lifetime. A man as devoted to wanting my happily ever after as I am his.

That guy I always dreamed existed, is going to be my husband and the father of my youngest child(ren).

All that limitless faith and deep abiding love Thomas loved to go on and on about? I have that and it’s rumored that Thomas relocated to Pennsylvania since all the truth came out . Some ladies were suspicious of him at a singles meeting, did a little fact checking & contacted me.

I never wanted someone like Thomas in my life.

The step father to my children that will love them as his own and set a good example? Yeah… my Superman is as good as Thomas is bad. My life is as blessed as his is cursed.

I have a few dozen new friends, countless women he was lying to now know the truth and I am happy.

I learned my lesson… and I sure hope at some point he’ll learn his.

Until then…

Drink up, Tommy Boy… and know that I have friends in every circle you walk in. Your closest confidants have apologized for your behavior and commiserated with me. The women you’ve spoken to about me have all shared your words with me.  Being young at heart is one thing, being immature is another. It’s time to grow up and be a man. It’s time to care about your own soul and your severe lack of integrity. Carpe Diem… and Cowboy Up.

Just as you treated me, in every way that you disrespected me, my intelligence, my safety and self respect? Just as much as you cared about what you had to offer… I’ve returned that effort. I’ve refused the burden of you in my life and forced you to hold your own truth.

I don’t have time in my life to hate you because I’m loved too deeply and love too much. I have nothing but a smile to offer you, and a little gratitude. Without my trip to Puerto Rico I could have stumbled along in my own misery… and you snapped me out of it. I was scared sober at the sight of the bottom of the barrel and I realized first hand that I really am shallow. I love a bald man better than a hairy one- but not all bald men are created equal and I am not the kind of girl that could handle people mistaking my boyfriend for my grandfather.

You’d be a distant memory if your scandal wasn’t so widespread, and I would have washed my hands of you if you hadn’t continued to harass me. Your own ego got the best of you, and instead of the puff piece you demanded I write… I told the truth and your other targets came out of the woodwork.

So many women in addition to your wife. Shame on you for making all of us complicit in your betrayal.

Surely you can understand then why we’re all enjoying your expose.

All 24 of us… you reprehensible douche bag.

Ohhh and some words from you that were stumbled upon and recognized immediately. You’re a bad apple, Tommy Boy– and I’d be willing to bet my life that’s exactly what Cylie figured out.

You have a team of helpers, as my ticket was purchased under a different name and the same person signed for your package in Saint Thomas.

You’re a bargain basement con-artist who’s had his cover blown and we’re a vibrant group of smart women who ended up a little wiser for the bad experience.

I can’t say the same for you.

13 responses »

  1. Good on you that you are now 100% wiser after your lesson.

  2. Bravo Jenni. So happy for you. So happy for ME! Your experience stopped me from heading to San Juan and refocused my energy towards a far more deserving individual who makes me incredidbly happy with a real and honest love. Thank you. And ironically thank you Thomas Murray….

  3. Just read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” and recommend all our fellow survivors read it as well. Especially if you’re still blaming yourself in any way or trying to figure out what makes someone behave this way. There’s no fixing someone like him. this is who he is and who he will always be. No change, no self-realization. Jenni – as I’ve said before I am forever thankful that you’ve done what you have to expose this and I’m happy to see you happy! I’m glad people keep finding things… we can’t protect everyone from him but it’s nice to see it be a thorn in his ass as much as possible. I agree that living well is the best revenge so like you, I’m going to keep loving my life and living well!

  4. Wow. The Hyperion writing was interesting, and definitely the same “voice” that we’ve come to know and loath.

    I was waiting for you to write this. I heard from her, too, recently, and had all the same thoughts you’ve expressed here. My heart breaks a little for every woman who contacts us, but I can only hope that he will do for them what he did for you — free them from low expectations and put them on the path to happiness.

    Oh, Thomas, there’s a reason it’s called the world wide web, and, darlin’, you’re stuck in it. 🙂

  5. I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Thank goodness it’s a few years old. 🙄

    Glad you are so happy, Jenni. I can’t wait to see wedding and baby pictures. 😀

  6. Bravo to you Jenni, first on continuing your writing and sharing of your perspective and life, and second that you have found much-deserved joy in your life.
    I completely agree that exposing your experience with TM had ripple effects for many women to reassess their expectations of men (as well as ourselves). I am forever grateful to you for this.

  7. OK…so I have read this, and I have met TM before. Let me start by saying if your mind is so weak and you are so dependant and other people, dont blame others when you make mistakes, are “conned”, or whatever other variation you women have to describe someone who doesnt have your best interest at heart. I am not going to say I am not sympathteic to you women being hurt, but from your story it is clear YOU placed yourself in all of these situations. First off, meeting someone in PR that you met on the internet is already a problem. Things have changed in the world and(according to, 1 in 5 relationships form on the internet) I understand internet dating, but it is a very high risk you are taking meeting someone you dont know, espically flying to PR to meet them. What the hell did you expect? You would meet prince charming, he would sweep you off your feet, and you guys would live happily ever after in the caribbean?? People in this world need to be realistic, and not have unrealtic expectations. As I read this blog, I wonder to my self if you and the 23 other woman who have had “a bad experience” with Thomas are the only ones in the world who has expereinced heart ache, dissapointment, deception, or whatever else may have happened to you. This happens to many people in this world, and you guys arent the only victims. Trust me when I tell you, there are many women who are in/were in much worse situations that yours. What is more, this encounter you had with Thomas was not recent. Why are you still holding this grudge? You mention in the email that you can laugh now and seems like you have moved on and you are over it, but you still continue to write blogs and create facebook pages about Thomas. DO you think he really cares about you or the blog? You say you have moved on and you met that special guy, so why are you still here writing bolgs about being hurt by some guy from a year or 2 ago, rather than focusing on the man in your life who makes you feel so special. IM sorry, but you and those other women need to get over it. You got conned or whatever, you learned, move on. WTF?!?! The next thing is, you going as far as to mention someone else full name in you blog. You dont know that person, and you have no right to talk about anyone else on this blog other than the peron you wrote it about. If I were him, I would honestly sue your ass for defamation. Again I have met thomas before and IM not one of “his team of helpers”, but I cant understand why you continue to waste your life blogging about someone who is no longer in it? Stop..think about it!! You claim to want to warn women from him(as if he is that bad…you clearly havent dated much men in this world), when if you want to warn women, I suggest you guys watch out for all of us(I am a man). Im sorry to hear you women had bad experiences with him, and Im not trying to defend anyone, Im just trying to understand what is being accomplished here other than you and a few other venting about something negative in your life.

    • Oh Thomas, I knew you couldn’t resist the urge forever… it has to really burn your ass that all’s well that ended well, for me.

      The now 25 women have one thing in common. We were all conned. All lied to. That’s where it becomes more than your average experience with a douche bag. Had we all been given the truth and chosen to pursue a relationship with you, I would agree. Clearly, none of us were.

      You had future targets lined up before I even got on my flight to Puerto Rico.

      Why do I still write about it? Because it’s funny. Because it’s justice in every word and karma in every syllable, but more than anything? Because it pisses you off and ruins your chances to con another woman. From sea to shining sea, dear King of Douchebagistan- you’re bound by the damage you’ve caused in the lives of the women naive enough to trust you. I might have been a damn fool to get on a plane, but I did it with nothing but the truth and without a spouse at home, unlike him… er you.

      How do I know who you really are? I tracked your IP, for one, and for another? This line: “Again I have met thomas before and IM not one of “his team of helpers”, but I cant understand why you continue to waste your life blogging about someone who is no longer in it? Stop..think about it!! You claim to want to warn women from him(as if he is that bad…you clearly havent dated much men in this world), when if you want to warn women, I suggest you guys watch out for all of us(I am a man).”

      Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. I bet you’re still kicking yourself for arming me with your handy-dandy little stat tracker. The irony still just cracks me up…. your line: “As if he is that bad… you clearly haven’t dated much men in this world”

      Clearly you aren’t a subscriber. I speak fluent douche bag, and it’s not accidental that I refer to you as their king.

      It’d take a real effort for you to sink any lower, though I could totally see you conning the elderly as a last resort.

      I did enjoy your attempt to convince the masses that “You’ve only met TM” Sure.

      I’m completely convinced…. lol

    • Interesting comment. Always good to see that Thomas (or TJ, as he’s now going by) is still surrounding himself with high-quality people.

      A few things:

      1. You criticize Jenni for, amongst other crimes, expending time and energy to out Thomas and his pathetic shenanigans to the world of women smart enough to use google to discover him. Hmmm, this is interesting, given that you a) took the time and energy to read said blog, and b) took the time and energy to write a critical novel targeting someone you’ve never met. So perhaps it is you who needs to get over it? Just an observation…

      Second, you completely missed the point of the posts about Thomas, so let me help you out: this isn’t about venting. It’s about outing a con-man who preys on the feelings of vulnerable women for his own pleasure. It’s about saving other women from asshats like Thomas and his friends.

      Third, perhaps your time spent on Jenni’s blog could be better utilized in a couple of law school classes. Defamation, slander and libel all require a common element: a falsehood. Calling a douchebag a douchebag is not grounds for a successful lawsuit when it’s true. Truth is and always has been a solid defense to accusations of defamation, slander, and libel. So, Thomas can sue Jenni (or me or any other woman with proof of his deceit) all he’d like, but he won’t ever win. And that’s why he hasn’t done it.

      Although I think your time here has been entertaining, I think it’s for the best if you take your leave while you’re ahead. Besides, I’m sure your time would be more enjoyably spent gulping rum with Thomas while he regales you with false tales of his conquests and achievements. Be sure to have him tell you the one about running with the bulls — I simply adore that one!

      Good luck to you,

      • That’s the bummer about defamation, slander & libel, isn’t it? The pesky truth always gets in the way of the people who really want to use it as a weapon.

  8. Hey Thomas, the comma goes inside the quotation marks. But kudos to you on changing your writing style in an attempt to create the illusion of a different writer. But seriously, you could have at least used proper grammar and punctuation.

  9. You can add “Jax” to the list of his aliases.


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