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30 days of truth, revisited. Day 1.

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Because why not?

I did the 30 days of truth blog series exactly 5 years ago, and decided I’d do them again to clear out the cobwebs and hopefully to see a little personal growth.

Prepare to be less aroused, more annoyed and maybe… just maybe… a little proud of me.

I strive to be.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.

I don’t HATE anything… so let me start right there. I have plenty I’d like & need to change, but the beauty of approaching the big 4-0, is that I’ve learned to love myself in all my perfect imperfection.

I am repulsed at some of my choices, and ashamed that I felt so badly about myself for so long. I hate that it reflects so clearly in the repugnant men I allowed to occupy my time. I hate that I invited, encouraged and even glorified the bad behavior from those same bottom feeders. I hate that I had such little self respect, that I believed I was worth so little and readily accepted so much less than I deserved. I hate that I thought I needed a man to love me, in order to be happy. I could not have been more wrong.

But the thing I hate most about myself, is that I lose sleep over the things I cannot change, nightly.

I come from a long line of insomniac worry-warts and frankly, the worst times in my life were the times I wasn’t worrying enough… so I’ll consider my constant lack of sleep as good sign.

worry

2 responses »

  1. You are inspiring me, as so frequently happens, yet again. I, too, have allowed my writing, and the contemplation that accompanies it, to lapse. I miss it, too. I will follow your example and take the 30 Days of Truth writing challenge, too. I’ll be one day behind you. 🙂

    Good to have you back.

    And yes, Thomas Murray can most definitely go fuck himself. Still.

    Reply
  2. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 1 | that precarious gait

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