Nope.

It’s a ground zero day in my life.

We all have them.

The day you got divorced, the day your Dad died, the day you found out your spouse was unfaithful. I guess it’s better to know it’s one of those awful-but-noteworthy days. The worst of them are usually a horrible surprise, so I’m trying to be grateful that I’m aware of what’s ahead.

Better to be able to plan for the worst and hope my worries are unfounded and overblown. Yeah right. I immediately started to panic and overthink every last detail.

Down to which underwear I should wear, because clearly THAT matters. It’s a confidence thing, don’t judge. At any rate, I was standing in a sea of black dresses, pants and panties last night, when my phone started shouting YUMMY at me. I can’t recommend this text tone enough. I honestly don’t rush to read them and I could only be happier if he sent me each letter, individually. I asked him for help choosing something to wear for this fun time.

I- Let me see you in both and I’ll tell you which one is better.

Nothing about this man makes me want to put clothes on. If anything, he inspires me to plan my wardrobe choices around his weaknesses.

I piled the mountain of black clothes on my bed and began searching for my headphones… slipping on my sports bra, shorts and tennis shoes to run off the temptation.

My phone screams YUMMY because he’s a damn delicious man and requires distinction. I’d been fighting a migraine and sick to my stomach all day with a less than pleasant attitude, and now I’m distracted from the horror at hand.

I was still torn between a dozen dresses when I woke up this morning and still trying a million things on in the dark, morning hours as that damn migraine started creeping back up the back of my neck. Dress or pants? I figured I should probably wear a dress, but I really felt more comfortable in pants. Which is precisely when my lovely phone started shouting YUMMY.

I- Pants.

Suddenly I’m thinking of him in bed at 4 in the morning and my ground zero day sucks a little less. Say what you want, I walked around grinning and inspired on a day I’ve been sick over. It’s not called a smartphone on accident, y’all. It knew I wanted to wake up to him, and today, of all days? I’m an Apple fan for life.

Favorite pants and jacket that just started fitting again…. FREE

First class ticket from a friend…. FREE

Having a full fledged panic attack upon taking my seat on the airplane, and more importantly the courage to nope the fuck out of the whole thing as a result? …. PRICELESS

I phoned it in, and it took a whole lot less from my life. I’m inclined to be disappointed that I didn’t go the extra mile, but I think not going was actually the greatest gift I could give myself. I’m way more inclined to put my needs aside to make a situation easier for everyone else.

I’m really proud that I chose myself this time.

 

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