I should avoid him. I know this.
I should delete him out of my phone and go on that stupid date. I should go on more than one stupid date.
I’m not going to, but it matters that I know what I SHOULD be doing and what I AM doing are light years apart.
I put myself directly in his path. Sometimes literally. I’d say I can’t help it, but I’d be lying. I’m actively pursuing my own suffering/satisfaction.
I can’t help it. It’s wayyyyyy too hot. As in… first time a boy touched you, hot. First orgasm, hot. I’m somewhat bothered by my physical response to him. I handle a million details in a day, and I am struck down by those hands of his. From confident to powerless with one touch. What. The. Fuck. I’m as frustrated by what a weakness he is as I am by the time I spend fantasizing about him.
He’s worse than nicotine and quitting him is impossible.
Things were fine and I’d talked myself through a half dozen temptations… and then he was there. So fucking hot, smelling so good, looking at me with those pretty eyes of his. Lord have mercy, being insanely attracted to someone makes me stupid.
I tried to breathe through it and walk away. Haha… I did think about it and knew that’s what I should do. There’s something about the physical presence of him that I can’t help but lean into. The heat of his arm next to mine makes my heart race and I have to swallow hard to keep my thoughts to myself. His chest against my back is enough to push me over the edge.
He’s yummy. So goddamn delicious he makes my teeth ache and I have the worst sweet tooth.
Send help. 🙂