Erasing a man from your life is an all day job. I spent yesterday tying up loose ends, deleting him from every iota of social media that existed between us, clearing every text thread and throwing away anything he ever touched.
I’ve come a long way in the last few years, and don’t really have any hate to hurl at him. Once upon a time, I would have verbally ripped him apart, vertebrae by vertebrae, feasting on his insecurities and shining a spotlight on his shortcomings.
After 5 years of being single and reassessing my own bullshit, I’m not that woman any more. I care deeply about my effect on people.
Even the shitty ones that don’t deserve it. Even the asshole who cared so little about me that he broke my heart via text message. A week after he was in my sheets and 4 days after I had surgery. What a guy.
I care because I’ve worked hard to be a better human being. I’m less angry, with more determination to laugh about things that hurt me, instead of cry. I strive to have less tears and more forgiveness. I’m not perfect, and realize that shining a light on someone else’s failures only steals my own sunshine.
I’m a hell of a woman and he’s an idiot for blowing his chance. That’s the bottom line. No matter the excuses, there will never come a point where I look back at this situation and feel ashamed for how I behaved or responded to such utter bullshit.
That is everything.
I said the tough stuff that I’ve previously kept to myself. I didn’t mince any words or hold anything back, but the hurtful things I said were true, not malicious. I’ve learned to carry myself like a treasure, instead of a weapon and recognize that he’s not worth blowing up over.
So a love note is more in order, don’t you think?
A text message? Really? I still want to punch you in the balls for that one. The saving grace is knowing that the karma for that text message cost you a pretty penny. I warned you that bad things happened to people that were shitty to me. I’m the Karma Fairy’s favorite girl. I don’t envy you the bad times ahead, but I sincerely hope they teach you to care about your integrity again.
PS. Enjoy the skydiving lessons I bought you… but triple check your chute.