Miss Ruby Knows


My soul sister and best girl, Ruby… has a way with words… and everything else for that matter.

She came to visit when I was desperately trying to get the Dirty Boat Stealing Hippie out of my house and she cocked an eyebrow at me and said a few choice words.

RW- Excuse me? Trying?? What? Where is your kitchen table?

J- In the backyard. He took it out there while I was at work and put his camper on it.

RW- Why.

J- I told him he had to move out. Today is the deadline. So he bought an internet signal extender and I came home to his child here, and the kitchen table, gone. –

RW- Are you fucking kidding me?

J- No.

She walked out the door and towards his camper. I still don’t know how she got him to leave, but she did.

She’s met a few of my boyfriends in the decade since he and I broke up and always grins at me and shrugs her shoulders at me. Whatever makes me happy, makes her happy… no matter how stupid it is.

It goes something like this:

J- Well? What do you think?

RW- It doesn’t matter what I think. Does he make you happy?

J- Well… no.

RW- Well now you know why I feel the way I do. Ride it like you stole it, but don’t keep it.


I hesitated to tell her I’d started internet dating… but finally had to admit to it after some lunatic conservative brought me an Ann Coulter book when he was over an hour late for our date. He was also a foot shorter than he’d advertised himself to be.

I couldn’t wait to tell her. I fell all over myself to get the story out, as I watched her frown deepen and her eyes narrow.

RW- Wait just a second. You put your ass on the internet, like a yard sale? NO.

J- Hey, this is life now. It’s how it’s done.

RW- ABSOFUCKINGLUTELYNOT. That shit never works. You need to meet someone the good old fashioned way… drunk, in a bar.

Fifteen years of friendship and she’s been telling me the right way to do things, from the start. Her beautiful birds have grown into their own lives, she’s found the man she was meant to be with and a family that shows her what it is to be part of one.

Fairy Tales happen in the woods, every day… and in dive bars, too as it turns out. This sugarsweet farmer that’s old-school courting me, was where I would least expect to find him, and right where Ruby said he’d be.

Miss Lovely and I had gone out with the intention of flooding the bad men out of our hearts, and walked right into the lion’s den. It was a lot to handle, and when she wanted to retreat to the smoking shack for a little less light and people, I happily agreed… and just so happened to sit down next to NotCalifornia. Completely worth a truckload of secondhand smoke.

I live in a small town full of recycled dick and I’m weird about touching something my friends have touched, so the menu is limited, (to put it mildly). Nevermind the employment status, drug/drinking habits or amount of children the men that make it to the list, have. Not to be a cold bitch, but I’ve gotten accustomed to dating beneath me, and gave up hoping for a man with his shit together.

You can’t be disappointed about him not being a homeowner when he’s seasonally employed and has no desire to change that. I hate gold diggers and don’t love dating rich guys, but there’s a lot to be said for dating someone in the same boat as you.

I was sewing yesterday when a message came whistling in from my new favorite farmer.

NC- Hey you, how’s work? Two babies were born last night!

and a picture… Lord have mercy.

I have to preface this by admitting that I did lamb 4H as a kid, and with Buddhist parents that failed to mention they would be auctioning off my lamb, by the pound because someone intended to EAT her. I cried so hard that the person who bought my lamb, gave it back after paying me. My mother did not let me take it home, but the people that bought her did save her for breeding. From that point on, my family bought me sheep related, everything. I love their cute little fuzzy faces… and this man comes with a barn full.

You know what’s hotter than dating your equal? Dating someone who can teach you new things, and show you cool places you didn’t know existed.

I love a good volcano… but y’all…….nothing compares to the whole damn island.


5 thoughts on “Miss Ruby Knows

  1. Anonymous

    Hmmmm was not the comment I posted, lol. Anyway, love following your love life, since I have absolute ZERO love interests at the time! Well I do have one that loves me, but I can’t stand him, lol. So glad you are blogging again! I need to find the time, I am Substitute Teaching now!

    • J

      It’s a cruel twist of fate that all the ones that love us are NEVER the one. I cannot say I have a love interest….The one I want, doesn’t… and the one I should, well… I don’t know.

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