The Pacifier Parade

Dating your way out of a broken heart is difficult. The last thing I want to do, is go out with anyone. I’d much rather sit at home and obsess about the emotionally distant salmon that got away. None of them smell as good as he does, none of them are as funny… ugh. There are times I wonder if it only makes me miss him, more.

At this point, it’s self preservation. Either I go, knowing I may have to  wade through some weird shit, or I drown in how much I miss and want what I can’t have.

The Farmer is just plain boring. There’s no other way around it. Of all the pretty distractions available, he makes me miss My Favorite the most. I don’t want to ghost him, but I might anyway. Perhaps he’ll think I died of boredom and kick his game up a notch.

So I set my Tinder profile to public and let them collect, much like leaving a ripe strawberry near an anthill.

Once upon a time, I chose the weirdest internet dates I could find, and it absolutely helped me learn to be more comfortable in my own skin, whilst dating. I’m only weird and uncomfortable if I’m attracted to him. Dating the weirdos is much more fun. The truth of it is, we’re all weird… but the people who let their freak flags fly, are the most fun people to hang out with.


Meet Mark. He’s a crossdresser. I’ve been saying for a while now that I need a wife and I’m damnnnnnnn tempted to ask him to come in his wedding gown. He’s a large equipment operator by day, and loves to wear high heels at night. I can see this being highly informative AND entertaining.


Mmmmmeeet Justin. He looks like he can shovel a lot of snow. 🤷🏼‍♀️


Meet our first instant douchebag, Andrew.


I’ve cropped his penis out for y’all. You’re welcome.


Ya know… I’ve been damn brazen and bold with my Favorite man. I have gotten specific and asked for a few things that would shock my mother. But not as a hello, how are ya? Some things NEED to evolve, and genitalia show and tell is one of them.


And then there’s James. He’s purely for sport. Masculine, capable and dirty… in high vis. Be still my damn heart. He comes with tools and guns, some of my favorite boyfriend accessories.

Mark, Justin or James?

I’m leaning towards the wife. 🙂


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