Good As Hell

There’s some magic in tidying yourself up. I took the day to myself yesterday, to put my life back together.

Hair and nails are at the bottom of my list. I had carbon monoxide alarms to buy and car registration to renew. Checks to order, laundry to fold, dirt to sweep up and my beloved gardenia to water.

I got a lot done waiting for the incredible furnace repairman, and I’m freshly amazed at how much a clean house can make me feel a million times better. Walking barefoot on a freshly mopped floor, makes me all sorts of zen. Having the laundry put away is right up there with morning sex, in my book.

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I went to a  financial planning meeting that I’ve been putting off, resulting in good news for a change! A brighter future than I’d dared to dream about… and I can finally breathe easier.

Lunch and bubbles with my beloved Miss Fancy makes the whole world brighter, but even more so when I’ve been drowning in my own misery for so long.

I’ve ghosted a dozen darling men because my heart isn’t in it. I hate how bad that feels, so I sent them all an apology and so-long-see-ya-later text. I don’t need cheap attention or bandaid sex. I need to not feel worse and it’s wonderful to know that an Incredicock stunt double would only make me miss him in all new ways. Tinder boys are only a distraction until you realize how disgusting they all are.

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So I did a little retail therapy, and bought what really makes me happy.

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A big bag of dirt. ♥

I dug out my tomato seeds… flower seeds… and a million asian long beans because I am obsessed with growing new and weird vegetables. I swept up the floor in the greenhouse and threw out the rotting winter squash we NEVER eat, which reminds me to order more Cinderella pumpkin seed.

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I’m reminded that I’m really good at a lot of cool things, and love just isn’t one of them. I’m really lucky to have my freedom and a job I adore. I have wonderful friends, a great family and my kids are all healthy, happy, wonderful members of society. I have more yarn than I will ever be able to knit into treasures, and a disposable budget for more. I’m a DIY obsessed homeowner with a nice collection of power tools and no hesitation to get dirty. I’m healthy, happy and pretty damn well-rounded if I do say so myself.

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Some girls have a man in their lives. I have everything but.

I’ve been wallowing in sadness, wondering why he didn’t want me anymore, when the real questions are: why the hell would I care, and what would possess me to still try to convince him? It’s easy to get tangled up in your own ego when you feel the sting of rejection and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been wasting my time on righteous indignation.

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I don’t like clowns… or the circus for that matter, so I’ll be hiding from my dating life in the garden from now through October. ♥ Spring can’t get here fast enough.

 

 

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