Another Beautiful Day In Chaos

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't…

30 Days of Truth, Day 23

Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I’d given myself time to grow up before I got married. I wish I’d given myself time to know who and what I was, before I became someone else’s other half.

I wish I’d waited until I was old enough to know what I wanted to be half of.

I wish I had learned what I liked before I swore till death do us part, because there’s no part of him that is anything I like or am attracted to as an adult.

I was destined for happily ever after, damn it. I absolutely got that… but not as part of a couple.

As a teenager, he was perfect for me.  He was cute, smelled good and drove a cute car. As a grown woman? No. I’m attracted to the polar opposite of him. I’m grateful every day for our divorce, for both of us. Neither of us were well suited and he would agree with 100% of this. We are absolutely incompatible and it’s only by raw stubbornness and a burning need to prove everyone wrong, that we stayed together for as long as we did.

It made me gun-shy as a result and it’s a sad thing to consider that my one and only attempt at forever was made with the formative brain of a 15 year old cheerleader.

If you have to wait to drink until you’re 21, you most definitely should have to wait just as long to sign away your physical and legal life. Matrimony and acrimony are only three letters apart from each other. I don’t think that’s accidental.

I poured myself into motherhood and gave Betty Crocker a run for her money. He made friends on the internet. It was exactly as exciting as it sounds.

We never gave each other our best version, hell we were too young to even know what that meant. We survived side by side until I couldn’t go through the motions any more and we became single parents under 30.

We were too young and I can admit it now.

I wish I’d gone to college instead. I don’t see the point of legally binding yourself to another human when it says so much more to choose them every day.

We’d still be great parents and maybe even friends, without the certificate. I have no regrets and my children are my greatest blessings so it may have been a terrible idea for us to get married but our failing at love resulted in two of the most incredible people in the world.

Divorce is pretty common these days and college will always be there, so I don’t see the point in wishing I’d done something. If I want to do something, I do it…. so damn this was difficult to answer… 🙂

yepiwill

Categories: 30 Days of Truth

1 reply

  1. So true. Too many of us rush into marriage without first discovering who we are as a person. It is only when we love and understand ourselves that we can become a good partner to anyone. This is something that I too am learning. Loved this post….it resonates with me 🙂 Thank you for sharing

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