Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
I may actually be the most stubborn person on the planet. It’s my greatest and worst trait. I know the best way to do things and if you don’t agree then I will do them myself. I’m stubbornly driven because I’ve been let down a lot and consequently I’ve had to learn to rely on myself for everything.
Did I want to learn how to change a tire? Not really. It wasn’t on my bucket list, that’s for sure. However, a flat tire doesn’t scare me anymore. I can drive through Montana and not feel like we may actually die somewhere in the midst of their lack of cell service and my laziness in regards to car repair. I don’t need anyone to save me because I learned how to save myself.
Did I want to learn how to replace the circuit box and rewire the garage? Definitely not. However… when you’re living paycheck to paycheck and the electricity is arcing over the garage your chest freezer is plugged into? The freezer that’s full of the food you grew? Yeah… I learned all about electricity and did it myself. It’s been a decade, it hasn’t burned down and the freezer is still going strong. Some of the hardest learnt skills have given me the most relief. Also, bless the poor man who worked at Home Depot when I was doing all this. He was visibly relieved every time he saw me come back for something else. He begged me to hire someone, and hugged me when I told him I’d done it and it all worked perfectly. We’re still friends. ♥
Did I want to raise a baby alone? No. There are still times I wish I could do the whole thing over because I think we just stopped communicating and forgot how much we really loved each other. I live with the sorrow that causes our baby, every day. He’s also stubborn and we’ve created an extremely stubborn small person… so karma is flowing all around us. I learned from him that sometimes being stubborn can cost the people around you even more than yourself. I grew to be more persistent and less stubborn through watching everything I thought my life was going to be, change. All the hopes, dreams and opinions in the world don’t change the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people.
I admit that I’m fiercely independent and impatient. I like to do things myself because I want them done right and I’m happiest if they’re done right now. I would never demand that, so I just do what needs to be done. I’m working with someone equally as stubborn now and learning to listen more because he’s occasionally right and often has a better way of doing things. It’s nice to realize that I’m learning to be more flexible.
But don’t let that softening fool you. I’ve got my Irish Grandma’s green eyes and I will dig my heels in and stand unmoving in front of a train. I am stubborn to a fault and I get a whole lot done as a result. It’s all that’s gotten me through the worst things I never imagined I’d have to face, do and learn.