Another Beautiful Day In Chaos

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't…

30 Days of Truth, Day 30.

Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear Jenni,

My goodness you’re resilient. You get your heart broken daily and yet here you are, still smiling like it’s just another Wednesday. I love that you’re getting better at asking for what you want and deserve. Your loyalty won’t always be used against you and I begrudgingly love that you still stubbornly adore the least deserving.

You see the beauty in everyone, even when they don’t necessarily see it in themselves. You see the prince in that frog. I’m so sorry you were wrong about the man you love so much. Your heart will survive it and you’ll be wiser as a result. It will get easier someday. I love that you always try to see the silver lining when it would be so much easier to wallow in self pity. I love that you can keep your head up when you are desperately hurt. I’m always a little in awe of your ability to forgive. “To err is human, to forgive divine.” but damn… you’ve had to forgive so much and you still have so much to give. I love that you seem to pull from a bottomless pool of love and forgiveness.

I love that you still believe in happily ever after. That you still believe in love. That you still won’t settle and are happily thriving alone. You don’t want a boyfriend for the sake of having one, you want love notes and to be woken up every morning by a man confident enough to do so. You deserve love songs and bold intentions, two things you’d never have gotten from the carp who swam away. 

I love that you’re lonely, yet still choose solitary happiness over a bandaid relationship.  I love that any old guy, will NOT do. I’m proud that you’ve learned that being wanted isn’t the same as being loved or respected. I’m proud of you for doing what you can to shake off the heartache of learning that awful lesson from someone you thought you could trust. I know you’re sad and I love that you’re responding in a really kind and healthy way… instead of eviscerating him, verbally. I also really love that you could verbally burn a motherfucker down in less than a thousand words, read by a few dozen countries every day. Stop and breathe in your strength. Don’t forget the army of strangers behind you in this heartbreaking battle to be happy.

img_0983

You might have lost a recent battle but you’re winning the war overall. Five years ago you would have given a kidney to be whining about something so trivial. I love that you can laugh at yourself while wiping tears away.

I love the easygoing mom you’ve grown into. I love that you buy the cupcakes and Twinkies you’ve always been too afraid to pack in school lunches. I love that you’ve learned to play now and clean later. I love that you’ve learned to guide and not instruct. I love the way you treasure all the art, keepsakes and school functions as much now as you did 24 years ago. You’re a really great mom.

I love that you couldn’t quit your garden but had enough sense to buy plants instead of starting everything from seed for yourself. I hope you never start them again. Pay the $3 a plant and have them a month ahead of schedule. $3 is a bargain. I’m proud of you for knowing your limits and planting less. I love that you always find so much joy and peace in the dirt. Keep on digging your happiness back out from wherever you buried it.

ouch

I love that you’re exercising, and changing the shape of how you feel about yourself. I love that your insecurities don’t inhibit you sexually and I love that you don’t exercise to be sexy. Keep going!!!

I love that you’ve grown as a human and that you’re a softer, kinder and gentler version of you. I love how brave you’ve become and how well suited you are for your job. I love that it brings you joy and helps you grow a stronger spine, simultaneously.

I love you, keep up the good work!

xoxo J

Categories: 30 Days of Truth, Happiness

2 replies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s