Ask… and you shall receive.

unsolicited

I deleted Tinder. Or at least ghosted a few dozen hopeful men and let it default to my being away on vacation. Someone recommended Bumble… and I love bees so I was immediately pleased with the little hive icons and the fabulous feature that only allows men to contact you after you’ve made the first move.  No rif-raf, frat boys or dirty old perverts… amen.

In the space of a week, my hive filled up with a beautiful brown assortment of men far too young to take seriously, a few educated men my own age and two exceptions.

One shark and one gentleman.

Now once upon a time I only dated sharky men. You know the type. He looks at you intently and you feel undressed. He’s confident, successful, wealthy and bold. He has a plan for you and it’s not always in your best interests. He smells incredible, kisses like he made it up and has the sexual repertoire I crave in a man.

Bachelor #1 is a Great White shark. He’s well traveled, extremely successful and well read. He wants to take me to dinner, dessert… and breakfast the next morning if I’ll let him. (Don’t worry, I won’t) Pictures AND video(s) of his equipment…He’s very interested, has already scheduled out to date 5 and is pulling out all the stops to impress me. I have a scorching hot date with him on Saturday night and am actually excited for the first time in a long time. He’s short, pretty and owns a bookstore complete with yarn. Be still my heart.

But I haven’t ended up anything but injured as a result of my Shark habit and I’m supposed to have grown up and learned from my hardest days, right?

So a gentleman doesn’t sound awful.

Bachelor #2 is a tall black gentleman making it very difficult for me to want to swim with a predator. I wake up to sweet, respectful wishes from him, that I have a great morning. He texts me at lunch with hopes my day is unfolding easily. Facetimes me while he makes incredible dinners for one. No dick pics or discussion of anything sexual. He wants to take me out for coffee after he gets through his finals. He’s graduating from a prestigious university this spring and is every bit as interesting as he is genuine. His intentions have been made as well, and he would like to date me exclusively… before the first date. Over the top, whines about his ex and is… well… a bit boring.

Internet dating is bizarre. Whoever thought you’d see his dick before your first date? Technology isn’t always the most romantic and I’d rather not see it pop up on my phone, to be honest.

Saturday should be fun, weird… or both.

Monday morning coffee with the gentleman should be sweet, boring… or both.

I’ll let you know. 🙂

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