I’m not a huge fan of social media to begin with. The endless oversharing, the people who have to detail their day for the disinterested masses and the overwhelming political discord that divides families and friends. I don’t love it because there’s not much TO love.
I tolerate it for the baby pictures and mindless crap to read in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep for the umpteenth time.
My list of friends is pretty specific. I don’t collect old classmates. I don’t add strangers. Romantic interests and exes are blocked. I’m as much of an introvert on social media as I am in real life. It’s an exclusive club and I clearcut it, regularly. I look for the following people when cutting out the dead wood.
Jealous exes. No thank you. The fuck outta here with that. I know some people like to be friends with theirs. I’m not one of those weirdos. If you dislike someone enough to divorce them, being friends again is definitely an uphill battle. I don’t want any of mine taking up space in my new life that doesn’t include them. Same goes for social media. If I need to know anything about him, I’ll call and ask… and vice versa. We are friendly, but we don’t need to hang out anymore. At all.
Haters: You know who I’m talking about. The people that just linger to watch with hatin’ eyes? She doesn’t like you anymore, but she’s sure gonna watch every detail. I don’t understand this one. My time is so limited that I don’t have any spare time to worry about other people or what they’re doing. My archenemy from high school is now a dear friend, one I go to regularly because we are so like-minded and I treasure her advice. That’s what happens when you grow up. You take your petty panties off and put your big girl pair on. Life is too short to be hating on anyone or anything. The block feature was designed with these folks in mind.
Oversharers: I have a really bad one. It’s a constant play-by-play of her day, 24/7. I hide her from my feed but she shares so much that she fractures the Facebook algorithm and makes it back into my life again.
U- Woke up tired, didn’t sleep good so I took a hot shower and heading to work.
Every damn day. Drives me batty, but I love her to bits and pieces and will continue to keep attempting to hide her updates while keeping her friendship.
Racist Family Members: Nope, nope and NOPE. I think I have one cousin left on my dad’s side? That last election clearcut half of my family off my list of friends. I don’t give a single fuck if we’re genetically related, I won’t stand for racist bullshit from anyone, anytime, in any way. These dark political times have really divided the herd, so to speak… and if you’re part of that red hat wearing herd, you’re not welcome in my pasture.
MLM Salespeople: No, I don’t want to buy your towels. Same goes for your vacuum, vitamins, makeup, cleaning supplies and candles. No & STOP asking. Drowning your friends and family in advertisements, live sales pitch videos and an endless barrage of posts about how much you love what you’re selling, is fucking annoying. One a week is fine. People know what you’re peddling and will come to you for it if they need some. I do have one exception to this rule and I love her because she’s teaching me how to do my own makeup. She’s funny. The rest aren’t.
Narcissists: You know who she is. That girl who loves to take pictures of herself. Makeup, hair, etc. It’s obnoxious and nobody cares to see your profile picture updated every day. Nice makeup, great hair. How many times does a lady need validated, sheesh. Get a puppy, learn to knit, take up a foreign language, go for a hike…whatever… just stop with the daily highlight reel of headshots. We get it, you’re pretty. You’re also not on my list anymore. I can’t handle vapid women.
Political Nazis: The crazy folks who think Ilhan Omar is a terrorist because they’re afraid of her religion. The people who think President Obama was born in Africa. They post and post and post all the crazy propaganda they can find and it is astonishing to me that they see the same crazy shit and think it’s valid and needs to be shared with the masses. This is a whole new underground garage of crazy and I am not interested in a trip to the asylum, thanks.
I just don’t have time for it. Between working full time and raising a 6 year old alone, there aren’t very many free moments in my day. I fill those moments with people I love, people that make me laugh and people that make the world a better place.
The only thing better than removing them yourself is realizing they did it for you. It’s like the trash taking itself out.
If only everything in life were so easy to clean up.