Deal Breakers


In stepping back into dating, I realized I had to be more forthcoming this time around. Too many years spent pretending that I could tolerate cigarettes taught me one glaring lesson.

Everyone’s patience runs out eventually. You have to be honest about the deal breakers from the first second, otherwise you’re setting someone up for failure. Usually yourself.

I have a couple dealbreakers. I’m not picky but there are certain things I’ve learned to avoid for everyone’s health and happiness.

  1. Pushover dads. I dated someone who spoiled his kid rotten and made no effort to help parent or discipline because he enjoyed being the little asshole’s best friend more than he wanted to be a father. It was torture. I pride myself on having well behaved children and I’m completely turned off by lazy parents. Bonus points if he’s strict and consistent, but if he’s creating a brat- we aren’t a match. I don’t want to hang out with a bratty kid and I’m not going to subject mine to it either, so this one is dead in the water from the beginning.
  2. Erection issues. Complete failure, premature ejaculation, faulty equipment… whatever the issue- I don’t have time for men who won’t or don’t take care of it themselves.  I hate having this conversation with a man, so if this is something you’re dealing with, call the damn doctor. Don’t bring a noodle to a sword fight. Put a little pharmaceutical steel in your pipe if you need to. I personally need a man who can keep up with me and that’s not an easy feat if I’m going to be completely honest…. so I’m 100% forthcoming about this one.
  3. Hippies. I prefer men artificially scented and fresh haircuts are a huge weakness of mine, so I would only make a hippie very unhappy. I love steak, corn dogs, bullshit processed food and I don’t buy 100% organic. I grow a huge garden which attracts those kinds of guys, but I am not at all attracted to a dirty hippie. I like a beard these days, but only maintained neatly. Rangy hippie beard is not my jam.
  4. Extreme Politics. Either side of the fence is extremely hard to deal with 24/7, and in today’s political climate there are some extremists. I’m a conservative liberal so I fall in the middle somewhere? I don’t want a date to proselytize to me. About anything. Ever.
  5. Stalkers. I use this term loosely but I’m fairly sensitive to too much contact. The good morning gorgeous text gets generic, the goodnight baby text get routine. I answer my phone for about 6 people. I love to leave my voicemail full. Text me if you need me. If you text me 80 times a day, we have a problem. If you show up uninvited at my house, it will be the last time you come over and if you call me more than twice a day, I’m looking into changing my number. Maybe this is on me? Whatever- I don’t need a lot of reassurance or contact. Less is more, lol. Too much is my cue to come up with a gentle break up speech.
  6. Cheaters. I won’t even entertain the idea. Once a cheater always a cheater and I don’t want to relive that bad time, ever again. I’d much rather know there’s a cat in the bed beside me as opposed to wondering where my person is. Being single absolutely beats being with someone who makes you feel insecure.

So puppies and kittens seem to be the safer bet. 🙂

I’m curious to hear what your deal breakers are?

4 thoughts on “Deal Breakers

  1. Men who talk about themselves only on first dates and don’t ask you a single question – or if they do, quickly turn the conversation back to themselves (assuming that’s what you were interested in).
    I used to adapt myself to this, especially if he was quite handsome, often blamed it on his nervousness or found many excuses that were often – as I know now – traced back to my lack of self esteem. I‘ve spent quite some time to be liked by men who primarily enjoyed the sound of their own voice.
    Now it early raises a red flag and renders even the most handsome fella rather unappealing.
    I like your collection. I can relate.

    • J

      Ugh narcissists are the worst! I recently dated someone who loved to say “My kids just want someone to spoil me.” and I was forever shaking my head, thinking… “Well I can’t say my children are sitting around hoping I find someone to spoil?” Ugh. no thanks to men who think they’re the center of the universe.

  2. Marshadarsha

    Ignorance. Bad grammar. Not able to listen. Rudeness to customer service professionals (servers, cashiers, mechanics, etc). Cruelty to animals/children/elderly. Insecurity disguised as bravado.
    Orders well done steaks. 😜

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s