Terrible Glitter

The writing prompt: From episode #47 Nathan finds the courage to come out to his very religious parents. He said “And lo and behold I just like threw some glitter in their faces like change of plans, bitch!” Where could your life use some of this glitter-blowing moxie? Whose face could use a little extra shimmer? What change of plans would you make if you had a handful of glitter to blow in someone’s face? #TerribleWritingClub

Well, hell. Why leave anything on the table? This Terrible Writing Club is like fast tracking ten years of therapy into a week.

In a most difficult month, if I had a handful of glitter to blow, I’d throw it in my own face. 

Somehow, regardless of countless, painful lessons… I always manage to want the one man in the room that doesn’t want me. I’ve taken the lazy way out of dealing with it by chalking it up to self preservation and my defense of my beloved single life. I am well aware that I am still just choosing people that remind me I’m not worth more. Call it daddy issues if you’d like, because it’s pretty text book and the thing I hate most about myself.

The latest ache in my heart is my very own successful attempt at one-upping my disappointment in men. If my very favorite man makes me feel disposable, I’m awfully inclined to hate them all. I’m disenchanted and disappointed because I did this to myself.

When I blatantly ignored the painful lessons I’ve already learned the hard way, I was asking for a cold reminder. I got one. Shocker.

So yeah… pass me the glitter or just throw the whole damn jar at me. I could use a solid smack in the head and sparkling on a day I feel like crying sure wouldn’t suck, either. 

Magic

I don’t like perfunctory gifts. Those “I pulled her name this year and she likes perfume” gifts.

No. 

I like the kind of gifts that blow people away and make their dreams come true.

Those deep-seated wishes you don’t think anyone knows about. Yeah, I want to know about those, because I will go to the ends of the earth to make them happen. 

I personally don’t like opening presents. At all. My best friends know not to wrap them. I appreciate everything and it’s not a concern that I won’t love whatever anyone gives me… it’s the awkward discomfort of it all.

When I went to counseling after I got divorced, the one horrifying thing my therapist said was that one of my “love languages” was receiving gifts. My mouth fell open and I argued vehemently to the contrary.

Then my lover bought me a parting gift. He handed me a box and told me to open it. 

Inside was a necklace and inscribed in tiny letters was the phrase: “I shimmered…whatever affection you remember, remember this.”

I cried big, alligator tears. Jeanine Payer is my favorite jewelry/designer/weakness in the whole world and he’d proven my counselors point. It wasn’t that I wanted random gifts. I wanted intention, with a bow. 

I hate opening presents so much that I’m overjoyed to be single in the time of gifting. 

O V E R J O Y E D.

However… I’ve been a busy little Miss Claus and have found/made a few things that I am SO EXCITED to give. 

What are you excited about this holiday season?