Category Archives: Crafting

Excuse my tiara…

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4

Sweet Baby Jesus… this man will be the death of my single life.

I’ve worked a week straight and I’m happily tired but paying bills left and right, filling up the refrigerator AND!!!! my sweet mama hired someone to build me the garden fence to end all fences. It’s spectacular.

Life is beautiful- and my co-dependent nature has been unleashed. He texts me consistently. He compliments me constantly. He spoils me fucking rotten with genuine goodness.

My lovely daughter has been carving words into rocks all week. My mom loaned her a Dremel, and there are cute little love note rocks all over my house. She’s a crafty little off-shoot of me, and she’s on a mission to carve everything in sight. My dear boyfriend, who I’ve taken to referring to as Superman… showed up with the finest Dremel money can buy… complete with the fine detail extension thingy. He walked in smiling, begging me to not be mad.

S- Don’t be mad. She needs it.

J- Don’t spoil the baby. You don’t have to buy her anything, she’s going to like you just fine, because you’re a really good person. You don’t have to buy her a Dremel.

S- I’m not spoiling her, I’m encouraging her creativity.

The look on her face was priceless. Wide eyes. Silence. She walked over and hugged him.

R- Oh. My. WORD. Thank you… can I open it?

He opens it and sets her up and she’s a carving dynamo- laughing over the variable speed and rejoicing in her endless supply of diamond tips. He’s happy and smiling and kisses me goodbye, telling me… yet again.

S- You’re beautiful when you smile, and if I can make that happen all the time it only benefits me.

Yeah… he’s that guy. The one armed with nice words that he actually means. Finally my penchant for a sweet talker has landed me in heaven instead of hot water. He takes out the trash. He wants to fix my car. He helps the guys building my fence. This man is the best person I’ve ever met.

I had to work again and he offered to hang out with my daughter, but it’s still early on and she’s in carving bliss… so he goes and asks if it’s ok if he comes over a little before I get off work. He has a surprise for me.

I went to work, grinning at my happy reflection and embracing my new-found girlfriendness. I love being attached. I thrive in domestic partnership. I’m happiest when I have someone to care about- and he’s the most worthy man I’ve ever met.

Work is another slice of heaven. Happy customers and co-workers I adore. Compliments from the chef on my efforts as a server. I couldn’t love a job more if I were making six figures. Every day that I go to work, I pinch myself. At the old place I worked, if you needed help or asked for it, it was held against you as a personal failure. My boss was not helpful, regardless of the fact I was earning HIM money. He couldn’t be troubled to pause from texting to get out of your way, let alone help. He loves to stand next to you while you’re putting an order in and question you on all the tables in the room, without knowing if they’re your table or finished or whatever. It was a fucking nightmare. My new boss? Loves to help. They support us all wholeheartedly without question, and offer help whenever it gets busy or we get several tables at once.

I work with a smile on my face because I’m supporting a business that supports me… and what a difference it makes. I’m happy going to work. I don’t dread working with either of my bosses. They want to buy vegetables from me, because they’re smart and want to provide their customers with the best.

The biggest shock? My unemployment was denied from my old job because my SISTER told them I called my manager a cunt.

You know what? She is a cunt. That’s the gospel and they’re all full of shit if they don’t admit to saying and feeling the exact same way. To hear from the lady at unemployment that my SISTER was the one who took food out of a house her niece lives in? Deal breaker. I have nothing for her but contempt- and she can enjoy every suffering second of working with that cunt for the rest of time for all I care. She’s not welcome in our lives, and I can guarantee it’s a huge loss on her part. We’re thriving… while she’s still under the thumb of Miss Cunt Bag. More power to ya, sis- enjoy.

Me? I go to work looking lovely and clean. Dressed in black and surrounded by friends. Working with a group of people who are savvy professionals who know what management is. Blissed out while serving the best food in town. Amen.

I worked a slow shift last night, and counted the seconds until it was over purely because my dear Superman was cooking up some sort of surprise and the curiosity was killing me. I rushed home, excited to sink into the haven of the man I adore.

I drove in and the house was dark… and it was nearly 11 so I figured he may have fallen asleep.

Nope.

I opened the door and walked in to rose petals. I had to laugh a little… and followed the path to my room… where he’d recreated American Beauty on my bed. Thousands of pink petals (my favorite) candles burning everywhere and my sweet Superman… nearly asleep on my bed.

My God in heaven… I was speechless.

He grinned at me, sleepy quiet and happy to see me.

S- It seemed like a good idea but it was kinda cheesy after it was all said and done.

It’s not cheesy… it’s perfect. He’s amazing. I’m walking in from my first week at a new job that I love more than any job I’ve ever had, to the most amazing boyfriend I’ve ever heard of… and best of all?

He’s mine. ♥

I look back over the last month, in losing people I thought were my friends, in losing my closest sister, and a job I loathed working for people who couldn’t give a shit less about firing a single mom for taking dinner home and calling a spade a spade. I look at the douche bags who’ve used me to mop the floor and the stupid boys who would dare to fuck with the wordy princess. Nathan, Thomas… and good old James… I’ve really met my quota, and I’ve really offered my love to the wrong men.

But.

I found my Superman…. and I appreciate him like he deserves. I appreciate how amazing he is because I know what the other side of the coin looks like all too well. It’s one of those good old fashioned love stories… where the nice girl meets the nice guy and they live happily ever after.

Excuse my tiara… but when the perfect man insists you be treated like the princess you always wanted to be?

You smile, thank him graciously… and blow his damn mind with diamonds in your hair.

Forgive my slacking in blog-land… but I’m busy being the happiest I’ve ever been.

My Everyday Fairytale

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4

For as much as I bitch and whine… I have a beautiful life.

Anything can be better, but when faced with the reality of my day to day existence… I smile.

I miss my son like I’d miss air if I were drowning. I’ve learned to compartmentalize it because there’s simply nothing else I can do. I miss him, I love him, and I respect his teenagehood. I hated my mother when I was his age. I love her now. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

It’s my day off today, and I woke up late from a divinely delicious dream. I woke up smiling, which I do 90% of the time. Either at my darling girl or at the day facing me. I love my job, I love my coworkers and my tomatoes started to sprout yesterday.

I woke up to a call from my darling Miss Harley which turned into a stomach-aching giggle-fest. Laughing over boys and how silly they are. Laughing at ourselves while we’re at it.

I decided to make myself a latte and sit in the greenhouse with the stack of pages I’ve written so far, and realizing for the first time that it’s not hard to read about my trip to Puerto Rico anymore. I was batshit crazy in love with him, and it was delightful. I don’t regret it or begrudge myself the guilty pleasure.

It was bubblegum ice cream delicious. I’m at my best when I’m in love. You can’t help but have a good day around me when I’m infatuated- it’s a contact high, to put it mildly. I bake cupcakes, I sew cool shit, I knit a blue streak… I garden. I am happiest when I’m in super girlfriend mode. It’s ridiculously codependent, but it’s true.

I’ve kicked my bad habit, sigh… I’ve waved goodbye to Flintstone and I haven’t really checked my internet dating email since one of my best friend’s ex-husbands emailed me to proposition me. I feel a little dirty making fun of someone for my own entertainment. Even if it is incredibly easy. … …. and fun. Chances are good I’m going to do it again. Purely to avoid fully embracing my role as the cat lady in the neighborhood.

I rolled over to a love note from my little red… with a Reese’s peanut butter cup. My favorite…. and how can any day be anything less than perfect when you start it with peanut butter and chocolate. Seriously.

It’s sunny and bright and I have broccoli to plant and a whole day to get a tan. I throw my bathrobe over the speaker and get to planting… in black panties and garden gloves. Welcome to the beauty of single womanhood. I can plant to my favorite music, in my panties with a mimosa and my shiny purple nitrile gloves the Easter Bunny brought me. Life is beautiful.

Randomly deciding to take thai food to school and have lunch with my daughter- a treat for myself and her… and we both are addicted to the red curry. Giggling with her and her friends over the boys being so weird <and resisting the urge to tell them nothing changes in 20 years… this day is perfect with a side of laughter. One of her friends asks me if I’m her sister, lol… we laughed all the way down the hall and I kissed her cute face on a day I ordinarily wouldn’t see her. AMEN.

Oh and just when things are going swimmingly…

A bad habit sighting… and regardless of the horrible way he treats me… I swallow hard when I’m not expecting to see him. They should make a patch to shake a bad man habit… Trans-dermal crack? I don’t know… I hate being betrayed by my body, and that’s what he inspires. I hate it. I’m craving him, I hate that I have to admit it, but it’s true. Is it hot in here or is it just me?

I bolted, drove home and changed into garden gear. Facing the music in the overgrown garden that is the penance I so deserve after abandoning it last summer…well… SUCKS. I’m covering it with landscape cloth to burn off the weeds before I plant. My asparagus is coming up :)

The worms are 15″ long at least and things are looking like a beautiful year for a beautiful garden. I’m really truly centered and happy in my giant ridiculously overwhelmingly massive garden. It’s round. It’s beautiful. It’s me. Spending my off time with my feet in the dirt makes me a million times happier than spending them in a bar or on a date.

I poured myself a cocktail, took the price tag off my new wheelbarrow that my mama gave me as an Easter basket… and went out to face the music. Oy…

But… even the worst challenge in the garden beats the worst date. It beats Thomas. It makes me feel better, carves my body into summer hot and makes me smile to my toes.

I have fingerling potatoes planted… Rose Finn Apple and Russian Banana… with more on the way. I planted my French shallots.

I broke in my new garden gloves and broke out of my winter funk. I’m happy. Really, really happy.

I’ve been through hell, and I’ve proven that I should not be the one to choose who I’ll date- so it’s up to my friends from now on. I’m not picking again. I have horrible judgment and horrible taste. I’d rather take a year long sabbatical from men entirely, if given the option.

My seeds are sprouting. My garden is on it’s way. I found 2 newts in the cardboard pile today. I’m so delighted with the simple details that surround me that I don’t feel lonely. I watched a dozen stupid movies this week and slept like a baby. I made the perfect mustache cake. I was a mom hero for the birthday party. My darling MSOK made us all look like a million dollars in big hair, which I’ve found I love.

Life is good… and even without a Prince? It’s a pretty sweet fairytale in and of itself.

Undeterred.

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9

I spent my day off cleaning the things I never have time to clean. Putting away Easter decorations, bleaching the floors and cracking out on the entire house with a dozen boxes of Magic Erasers.

It’s not like me to plug anything, but if you haven’t tried the Magic Eraser, go get one now… don’t even bother to finish reading this. They’re… magical. My cupboards are sparkling. My floors are so clean the sun shining through crystal clear windows is blinding me.

I’m on a domestic high… and baking too. I’m happy.

Regardless of the disastrous state of my love life, I love every single second of the day. I love my job, and my coworkers are like an extended family. I’ve never had friends as close as the many I have in my life right now, and I’ve been planting heirloom tomatoes for 2 days. My inner Mormon girl is beaming.

By some stroke of pure luck, I have the next 3 days off. I’ll have time to play in the garden. I’ll have time to ride bikes and eat ice cream cones with my little red. I’ll finally have a little time… and in a clean house?

Nothing makes me happier or more at peace. I like all my ducks in a row. I like having a handle on my life. I feel better and am sleeping at night for the first time in months. I’m clear headed and focused and finally disappointed in myself for selling myself so short.

So I’m planting for peace…

The list of tomatoes grew as I planted… because some just can’t be left behind.

I have the following this year:

  • Tomatillos
  • Speckled Striped Roma
  • Aunt Ruby’s German Green
  • Pruden’s Purple
  • Black Krim
  • Blondkopfchen
  • Mexico Midget
  • Brandywine
  • Amish Orange Roma

and entirely too many planted… yet again. I step foot into the greenhouse, turn on some music and pour myself a cup of sun tea… and I lose track of how many tomato plants are enough. I cant only plant 10… they have to be in even numbers because I’m type A like that. I have broccoli, basil, fennel and dill to plant today… with endless garden cleanup tomorrow. I’m excited again about it being as beautiful as it was the year before last. I lose myself when my garden is a mess. I can at least control the plants in my life, if nothing else.

I’m reinforcing my garden fence, chick-style. I can’t rebuild it, nor do I want to- but I’ll be damned if those deer are going to eat it again this year. My new neighbors are going to have a stroke when they see the ghetto-tastic structure I have in mind… but it’s going to work, and eventually it will be really beautiful. It’s just going to look a little crazy…. I’ll post pictures when I get it done.

I have an acre to weed, 30 packs of seeds and a zillion onions, shallots and potatoes to plant. I have a project… along with oiling windowsils, washing the greenhouse roof and painting the kitchen & hallway. I have something to focus on and it reminds me how much time I’ve been wasting trying to make a douche bag into delightful.

When you start with a hoarder you end with a hoarder… that’s all there is to it. If he’s married when you meet him? He’s going to be married when you part ways with him as well. Leopards do not change their spots- and if you question his character or his motives from the beginning, for God’s sake take a lesson from my suffering and run like hell.

There are nice guys out there… but none of us meet them because we’re too busy wasting time with men who disregard us and darken our spirit.

If he’s not worth dating, he’s certainly not worth sacrificing your smile over. So he’s hot… there are lots of hot guys. So he’s smart… not if he’s acting like an asshole and treating a woman disrespectfully- that’s not a smart guy. So he’s amazing in bed… well… that sucks to give up, but honestly- lots of men are and if you are really honest with yourself… he’s probably not all that hot in the sack- you’re probably just looking at him with rose-colored lenses.

Chances are good when you’ve stepped back, or made a list… or had amazing sex with someone else?

Chances are good you’ll be able to laugh at yourself for being heartsick over someone so unworthy.

Then it’s just embarrassing, or funny… or something to chastise yourself about as you take your lovely self for a walk… or a bike ride… or to the greenhouse to plant tomatoes.

Happiness is everywhere around you, and only a small percentage of it is spent romantically. If I find the happiness in my own personal life and in within my own daily details, then I don’t have room or desire to waste it with someone who doesn’t want to be just as happy as I am.

Happiness doesn’t come from lying, cheating or disrespecting someone… it comes from wanting to love your own life.

In falling back in love with my own, I’m eliminating any room for less than what I’ve got going on right now.

The man in my life can either enrich it or fail to exist entirely. I have kids, cats & dogs… family, friends & a full time job.  I have more garden than any woman should be allowed to have… but more than anything?

I have faith in my ability to have what I want, when I want it, and on my own terms.

Independence is a beautiful thing…and it should take a helluva man to talk me out of some of mine.

Date with destiny…

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6

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, that I’m  that I’m only beginning to let myself enjoy this crazy in love feeling.

I’m an expert optimist. The glass is always half full, and though I’ve seen it empty a few times in the last year… all of a sudden… it runneth over. ;)

The baking began yesterday… and continued on pretty late into the night.

Oh how Jenni bakes when she’s from the tip of her nose to the tip of her toes, beaming happy.

Marshmallows…sugar cookies: purely because I wanted to cut out hearts… lol… go ahead- gag… carrot cake cookies and granola and on and on and on…

All tied up in pretty red waxed ribbon, complete with my favorite vanilla bean caramels.

Joy makes me bake, sew… etc. My Mormon roots come screaming out and I turn into my favorite version of myself. The happy domestic goddess.

Complete with a dress, heels & apron.

One of my oldest friends stopped by and surveyed the fruits of my inspiration.

M- Holy shit… you’re not fucking around, are you? You’re really serious about this guy. Caramels even… dammmnnnn Betty…I haven’t had those in years.

J- Hungry?

M- Lemon tarts? Lemon BARS? Ooooh coconut….

My kitchen is a veritable smorgasbord for the munchies crew… because I don’t eat any of it.

Weird, huh? I don’t touch it except making frosting and checking the sugar level.

I have a bowl of basil, romaine, grape tomatoes and fresh mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and sea salt, sitting in front of me.

I have a bakery-full of delicious baked things in my kitchen.

He brings out the girl in me that I love best. Jenni Crocker-Stewart.

I have a dozen things I’m knitting, and enough treats coming out of the kitchen that I’ll naturally appear to be succeeding at my diet because the rest of my friends and family will all put on weight due to my falling in love. It seems pretty win-win, if you ask me.

Nothing lets me smile and create at the same time, like being in the kitchen. ♥

He inspires me so delightfully, that I naturally occupy myself with the other things that make me happy, in his absence. I’m painting the kitchen…. and perhaps a bedroom. I’m sure all my friends will be wearing new hats by the time I leave, and I guarantee they will have ALL put on weight.

So here… because I can’t spoil all of you with cookies and caramels… I’ll share my recipe. Make them- they’re delicious…and use Meyer lemons if you can find them. ♥

Lemon Bars

Ingredients:

For Base

  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 cup butter

For top

  • 4 large beaten eggs
  • 2 cups white sugar
  • 1/3 cup lemon or lime juice
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon or lime rind

Directions:

  1. For the base mix the butter into the flour and sugar.
  2. Mix with hands until it clings together.
  3. Press into a 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan.
  4. Bake at 350°F for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned.
  5. For the filling, beat together eggs, sugar and lemon juice.
  6. Sift together flour and baking powder.
  7. Stir into egg mixture.
  8. Pour over baked, cooled crust.
  9. Bake at 350°F for 25 minutes.
  10. Cool and sprinkle with powdered sugar.
  11. Cut into bars.

They’re amazing. Enjoy… and smile while you make them- it makes all the difference in the world.

Heels don’t hurt, either.

;)

Creature Comforts

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4

My first day off, and we spent it laughing and getting nothing done. Girl time, all day with Miss Everything having the day off too.

Hearing from my darling favorite man… all day. Mmm… bliss.

I even took a nap. No kidding. It was divine…. with a friend coming over for a knitting lesson.

Seriously the only thing missing is my darling boyfriend and my kids and this day would be perfect. It’s close enough, and I’m sleepy happy and drinking mimosas with the roomie.

Knitting with my friend, Miss Fantastic, who is a quick learner and such great company. She’s beautiful, and a really great friend. Miss Everything ends up stopping the movie and we laugh all night about the crazy small town shit. Laughing until late and not getting a whole lot of knitting done.

It was so nice to just laugh with the girls all night… some of the shit that’s happened in my life in the last year defies explanation, and I leave a lot out on my blog- I exaggerate- absolutely- and sometimes it’s not true in the slightest (do you really want to read about me doing laundry?) but some of the details you can only admit to and laugh about in person, are the best.

I’m knitting these:

and they’re darling, but it’s like knitting with toothpicks and I’m just too stressed lately. Holly, Ivy & Steve may not be done in time for Christmas… because I’m working on this too:

Along with matching hats for a friend, a hat for my baby and a major sewing project. I’m swimming in domestic details, and focused on January and the man I love.

Biting back the jealousy that hits me reading this morning and taking myself out for a run in the cold winter sunshine. I don’t respond well to feeling jealous because it’s always ended poorly in the past. I’m conditioned to feel vulnerable and I’m not pleased with myself about it.

Breezing back in to sit on the couch, watch a movie and knit. Slow down for a minute and knit one stitch after the other and let the thoughts in my head run themselves in circles until all I’m seeing are tiny little monster legs dangling from my needles.

Breathing deeply and taking a two hour break before I conquer my ridiculously long to-do list today.

Whipping up a batch of marshmallows this afternoon, some carrot cake cookies perhaps… or the first batch of sugar cookies with my new snowflake cookie cutters…

Distracting myself with the things I have control over since it’s all a little too stressful lately and there’s great comfort in crossing things off of a long list. I may not get it all done, but at least the list will shrink a little.

Biting my tongue and keeping my hands busy to avoid writing about what I really want to write about.

… something all new to me.