Category Archives: Farming

Mommy Bliss

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9

My daughter is having a slumber party for her birthday… with a mustache theme. I’m so confused about how on earth mustaches became popular again, or at any time for that matter… and my daughter wants mustache everything. She’s hand drawing mustaches on the balloons for her party. She’s just as cute as it gets- but this mustache thing is weird… lol.

However- I love a challenge, and am determined to make her a mustache cake. I searched online, found a great bunch of suggestions and baked two 9″ layers of her favorite vanilla bean cake, make a batch of chocolate buttercream and colored it black. I stacked and chilled the two layers and carved them into a yin-yang shape. After a little carving and comparing and flipping one over… I had the perfect mustache. A couple layers of black chocolate buttercream and… success.

She was delighted. It actually is delicious- even with all that black dye… so your teeth are a little grey for a while, it wears off. :)   Sober One Kenobe did hair and they all got a goodie bag full of make up… they were quite the little pageant trio… eating candy and watching movies until the wee hours of the morning. Sigh… girlie slumber parties are the best part of being a little girl. Staying up late giggling and talking about boys. Eating candy until you’re sick.

I caved and bought the helium tank…. and we laughed while we listened to them sing after sucking helium out of balloons. It was one of those magical moments in childhood you never forget- and watching from the other side of it made it all the more special.

She’s growing up. <sob> and when she wanted her makeup done I had to swallow hard when she winked at me. There are moments that the sun hits her in the face and I’m struck by freckles and deep fiery blue green eyes and

I’m. Just. Speechless.

Her brother being gone makes me that much more overprotective- and she’s learned to manage me… If she takes a bike ride, she texts me every ten minutes. I’m learning to give her freedom, and she’s learning how hard it is for me to watch her grow up so fast. She used to be at our local hippie-dippie private school where they gave you a birthday verse to read to them and I tried to look hers up and I couldn’t even read it without crying. I tried. I promise… but I couldn’t make it through the first sentence.

Yeah… nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like your mom sobbing and choking out your birthday verse. I figured it was ok to skip it, for the sake of preserving the “Happy” part of the birthday.

Listening to the girls giggle and sing three part harmony, Chipettes style, was priceless. Relighting candles on her mustache cake that were more like sparklers. Sparkly giggly girl fest… and swimming in chocolate & Skittles. I have a sugar headache this morning and need about 8 hours more sleep. I’m supposed to be in the garden and I just want to eat a salad and sleep.

So I made strawberry shortcake for breakfast…a little hair of the dog… lol

Slumber parties prepare us for hangovers, ladies! I haven’t been drinking since Easter and I feel hungover this morning. Too much sugar, lack of sleep… yep. It makes sense. lol :)

We’re spending a lazy Sunday covering the garden with landscape cloth to burn off the weeds, watching movies and eating more strawberry shortcake…

With a pizza delivery in our future? Hmm…perhaps?

Just after our pedicure and story in bikinis, on beach towels on the greenhouse floor. Ahhh. 85* and sunny….with our favorite music on the stereo we set up under the planting table.

Mommy Bliss. Quiet time. Giggly time. Just TIME… finally. I’m promising myself from here on out to pick something else up so I can have a full weekend with her at least once a month. It’s necessary.

Plus my nails are dyed black from the frosting… I’m going to have to paint them black to go to work on Tuesday.

Simple happiness in the moments I treasure most. Not concerned about a thing in the world beyond which movie to watch next or whether or not to add a pink stripe in the bunny dress I’m knitting.

She’s falling asleep sitting up, watching me knit… leans over and lays her head on my knee…

Poof… out… silent… with too much eyeliner on. :) Looking every bit the princess I know she is… and so vastly different from the tiny baby she was. It’s all gone by so quickly…

So I added the pink stripe… if only to remember the moment when she was like my tiny baby again, curled up on my lap, sound asleep, while I knit her another bunny and memorized her freckles for the millionth time.

Nothing beats mommy time & it could only be better if her brother were here too.

Mommy bliss… and baby bliss… or… pre-teen bliss. <gulp>.

I should have been more irresponsible and had more kids. This is all going by too quickly and I don’t want to do it again.

Hold your babies too much. Play too much Patty Cake. Read too many bedtime stories.

It’s really true when they say that someday they won’t want you to.

One day, they really don’t.

Reading Green Eggs & Ham to yourself isn’t nearly as fun, but still… slow down and read it for the trillionth time.

Trust me… you’ll never regret it.

Undeterred.

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9

I spent my day off cleaning the things I never have time to clean. Putting away Easter decorations, bleaching the floors and cracking out on the entire house with a dozen boxes of Magic Erasers.

It’s not like me to plug anything, but if you haven’t tried the Magic Eraser, go get one now… don’t even bother to finish reading this. They’re… magical. My cupboards are sparkling. My floors are so clean the sun shining through crystal clear windows is blinding me.

I’m on a domestic high… and baking too. I’m happy.

Regardless of the disastrous state of my love life, I love every single second of the day. I love my job, and my coworkers are like an extended family. I’ve never had friends as close as the many I have in my life right now, and I’ve been planting heirloom tomatoes for 2 days. My inner Mormon girl is beaming.

By some stroke of pure luck, I have the next 3 days off. I’ll have time to play in the garden. I’ll have time to ride bikes and eat ice cream cones with my little red. I’ll finally have a little time… and in a clean house?

Nothing makes me happier or more at peace. I like all my ducks in a row. I like having a handle on my life. I feel better and am sleeping at night for the first time in months. I’m clear headed and focused and finally disappointed in myself for selling myself so short.

So I’m planting for peace…

The list of tomatoes grew as I planted… because some just can’t be left behind.

I have the following this year:

  • Tomatillos
  • Speckled Striped Roma
  • Aunt Ruby’s German Green
  • Pruden’s Purple
  • Black Krim
  • Blondkopfchen
  • Mexico Midget
  • Brandywine
  • Amish Orange Roma

and entirely too many planted… yet again. I step foot into the greenhouse, turn on some music and pour myself a cup of sun tea… and I lose track of how many tomato plants are enough. I cant only plant 10… they have to be in even numbers because I’m type A like that. I have broccoli, basil, fennel and dill to plant today… with endless garden cleanup tomorrow. I’m excited again about it being as beautiful as it was the year before last. I lose myself when my garden is a mess. I can at least control the plants in my life, if nothing else.

I’m reinforcing my garden fence, chick-style. I can’t rebuild it, nor do I want to- but I’ll be damned if those deer are going to eat it again this year. My new neighbors are going to have a stroke when they see the ghetto-tastic structure I have in mind… but it’s going to work, and eventually it will be really beautiful. It’s just going to look a little crazy…. I’ll post pictures when I get it done.

I have an acre to weed, 30 packs of seeds and a zillion onions, shallots and potatoes to plant. I have a project… along with oiling windowsils, washing the greenhouse roof and painting the kitchen & hallway. I have something to focus on and it reminds me how much time I’ve been wasting trying to make a douche bag into delightful.

When you start with a hoarder you end with a hoarder… that’s all there is to it. If he’s married when you meet him? He’s going to be married when you part ways with him as well. Leopards do not change their spots- and if you question his character or his motives from the beginning, for God’s sake take a lesson from my suffering and run like hell.

There are nice guys out there… but none of us meet them because we’re too busy wasting time with men who disregard us and darken our spirit.

If he’s not worth dating, he’s certainly not worth sacrificing your smile over. So he’s hot… there are lots of hot guys. So he’s smart… not if he’s acting like an asshole and treating a woman disrespectfully- that’s not a smart guy. So he’s amazing in bed… well… that sucks to give up, but honestly- lots of men are and if you are really honest with yourself… he’s probably not all that hot in the sack- you’re probably just looking at him with rose-colored lenses.

Chances are good when you’ve stepped back, or made a list… or had amazing sex with someone else?

Chances are good you’ll be able to laugh at yourself for being heartsick over someone so unworthy.

Then it’s just embarrassing, or funny… or something to chastise yourself about as you take your lovely self for a walk… or a bike ride… or to the greenhouse to plant tomatoes.

Happiness is everywhere around you, and only a small percentage of it is spent romantically. If I find the happiness in my own personal life and in within my own daily details, then I don’t have room or desire to waste it with someone who doesn’t want to be just as happy as I am.

Happiness doesn’t come from lying, cheating or disrespecting someone… it comes from wanting to love your own life.

In falling back in love with my own, I’m eliminating any room for less than what I’ve got going on right now.

The man in my life can either enrich it or fail to exist entirely. I have kids, cats & dogs… family, friends & a full time job.  I have more garden than any woman should be allowed to have… but more than anything?

I have faith in my ability to have what I want, when I want it, and on my own terms.

Independence is a beautiful thing…and it should take a helluva man to talk me out of some of mine.

They do exist…

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16

Getting the “I’m getting back together with my girlfriend” text last night from Flintstone was less than exciting, let’s leave it at that. If I were clinging to one last shred of hope in the male species… it’s vanished. Totally at breaking point and done, done, done. Disgusted… disappointed and completely offended. Men really do suck. I can list a multitude of reasons to not so much as consider dating again.

In fact… I think I’ll take my daughter on Thursday for a new baby kitten. It’s time to get this cat lady thing going.

I bought soil and more seeds, and started planting flats in the greenhouse… I took a carload of crap to the thrift store. I went for a run, and threw out the wine. Time to refocus and get the shit done that really matters in my life. Dating is only making me miserable- and if that isn’t bad enough… my taste in men is simply deplorable. I need a chaperone or an approval committee, clearly.

I have 8 varieties of tomatoes this year. Fingerling potato seed, shallots and onions ready to plant. I missed my garden last year and I’m happiest with my feet in the dirt :) It keeps me sane and it keeps me out of the line of sight of men who are clearly only out for themselves. My picker is broken- I am not picking again. Done.

I’ve been dreading work lately because I have so much I want to do outside. I have baking I want to do with my daughter and she hates when I’m gone. I hate leaving her. It’s just how it has to be. She’s going to garden with me this year, and we’re going to cut WAY back on the craziness we’ve been doing. We’re going to enjoy it, not be burdened by it.

I do love my Wednesday shift though, and today was no exception. We had nice people all day, it was mellow and slow so we got caught up on everything else, it was just a simple quiet, perfect sort of day. My favorite customer comes in every day around 3 pm, just near the end of my day shifts, and he’s just cool. He’s articulate and well read. He reads interesting books and always shares them with me. He wears a ring like the one I have of my grandfather’s and talks about how much he adores his wife. He’s been there with me through Puerto Rico and even my Easter date. He always wants to know and we joked today about my next boyfriend being a girlfriend.

If only I liked women. If only.

I was walking away and he said he wanted to tell me something… and started to talk about his son, who is asking his girlfriend to the prom.

FC- You know you can’t just come out and ask anymore, you have to do something special to ask. So I came home yesterday and he asked me if I’d come with him to smash pennies on the railroad tracks. So we got a flash light and about 3 dozen pennies and went out looking for the railroad tracks. We parked, set the pennies on the track, and waited. The first train came by, and we’d put the pennies on the wrong tracks…. ya know- those trains don’t come by that often, we were out there for a while. The next train that came by hit them and we collected them up and went home. It was cool though, I’d never done that before and it really presses them.

I’m so touched I’m ready to hug him.

J- He asked you to go help him with the pennies? Awww. That’s so cool. You’re a really cool dad.

FC- I am a really good dad. He’s a great son and it was fun. He’s going to make a sign out of them to ask her to the prom. Cool huh.

Every time I get to the point of throwing in the towel, a good example sits down in front of me and orders a beer. I see it every day. I see craziness and lack of manners just as much… but when I see a good example and I hear that they live their life happily and benefiting the people they love? I know it exists again. I have reason to believe I deserve it too. Though I haven’t experienced it first hand- I do know it does happen. I have happily married sisters, cousins, aunts & friends.

I could name a dozen regular customers who are amazing & devoted husbands. They do exist. They talk openly about how much they love their wives. They tease me mercilessly about my horrible taste in men… but best of all, they set a good example for what it is I should expect.

They really do exist.

They’re just already married, lol….

Set my thoughts adrift…

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16

She wears one of my favorite symbols…The bee… a sign of resurrection and natural potential…. The symbol of Kings… and the loving seal of Napoleon when he wrote letters to Josephine… She wears them with pride… they are beautiful tattoos…and I’m a huge admirer of them…

The incredible persona that is Jenni is who I’d like to fill this space with…she fills the roles necessary to make the world seem right… she’s a mother, a cook, a farmer, a lover, a beautiful temptress, a wildcat, both in the sack and out of it….she’s a tempting bit of Mormon-meets-Catholic yet in the wild ways all boys love to hear but really don’t want to know….beware of the claws… in a moment of passion they can drive through your shirt like it’s soft icecream on a midsummer’s day…

Jenni is a girl who sets my thoughts adrift… creative bits of small emails litter our respective inboxes with tidbits about the day’s ability to break a person down.  She and I share addictions….we are addicted to the opposite sex…however, our selection process is very different…  I look for life….vivacious…mezmerizing…..  She, on the other hand, looks for vice, for Mr. Now wmixed with a possibility of lasting a couple of weeks, but those boys aren’t strong enough to work with the tools God gave them to shape something that could be a beautiful relationship.

So what is it that Jenni craves?  My view is pretty simple…  She craves what all humans crave….appreciation.  Honestly at times she’s more than a little drama filled, yet I can’t take my eyes off the impending crash that is coming.  The boys that she chooses are more about her personal eye candy than what they will do for her.  Her real type of man?  Strong, clean lines, takes care of himself and shows pride in what he does.  He’s a little angry but he’s too mysterious to let you know what he’s angry about.  She deserves something different….she deserves something that shakes her foundation to the core and allows her to realize she’s got what many others don’t have…  she has vision of what she could be.  I’ve seen more stories about men who have treated this girl in such a dire wrong way, that I want to beat the fuck out of them and go nap to rest my weary arms then pummel them once more to show her she’s worth the effort to stand up for… 

If you say that she’s not craving appreciation, but she’s craving something less than that, I’ll let you know that anyone in this day and age can go out to any bar out there and hook up for the sake of hooking up.  Jenni is not some dime-a-dozen kinda girl.  They just don’t grow on trees like this one.  She’s got a lot of people from my blog reading her material and living vicariously through her dating adventures.  Me?  I’m on the opposite side of the fence…  She needs someone strong enough to hold her….restrain her from the ways that I’m so guilty of myself and allow her to relax and feel like she’s worth so much more than the moment of ecstasy in sex….she’s the kind of girl who wants the adventure that’s never been afforded to her.

She’s at the razor’s edge with me…  I’m a guy who will tell you how I feel and I’m sad on one hand and I’m excited on the other.  She’s got the drive that I love…always on the go with a fire and some drive in her….she dresses like I can appreciate the figure underneath the clothes…the men she has chosen?  Well they’ve stripped her dignity along with her boat, her finances, and her hope.  I want to  give her all of those things.  You should help her rebuild hope too… 

I am capable of being all things to nearly all women.  I’m never sure if I’m going  to hurt a girl or not, but one thing I have down pat…..she’s going to feel like she’s the most important woman in my amazing life.  That’s the kind of love that she deserves….someone soft…and if she complains a little about going to slowly or being a bit bored, be a man and give her the attention she seeks and then return back to the person who starts his night by asking her to come closer….leaning in ever-so-softly and telling her, she’s beautiful in a voice barely distinguishable to make the words hit the hardest impact on her soul….it’s her soul that needs the love and attention…it’s her mind and ego that deserves to be loved ever so gently. 

She works so hard to have so little.  She reminds me of how I am….a lot of heaven mixed with a smidgen of hell.  I love her attitude and she’s not my ideal Mormon version of purity, but she’s got something most girls don’t have and that’s a ton of heart.  She gives and wants to please and be accepted for the incredible person she is.  She makes me smile by simply reading her thoughts on paper and wishing that I could be there to wipe away her tears.

Sure she’s volatile…we all can be, but one thing’s for sure….with an effort that is strong, and determination that males mules green with envy, and a heart that needs nurturing,  she’s not on the highway to hell….she’s on her way to being loved for everything she brings to the table… 

Men, If you’ re going to date her, be strong enough to rein her in, on the flip side, be strong enough to love her with the same amount of attention you gave her before she ever laid a finger on you…date her, don’t bore her….respect her and let her understand where real strength comes from… 

Oceans between us….yet she’s just a thought away… a beautiful opportunity that makes me wanton….but I’m not weak…she makes me strong, she knows I’m sincere and  want only the absolute best for her and her little family.  Thoughts of who she is in a sun dress walking down a row of grapes in Sonoma…yes, the girl who no man could turn away easily…Living so far away from Vacationville, makes it difficult at best to ever know if we will ever meet, I do want more than anything for her heart to be free and find that man who makes her complete.  I search honestly for something much bigger than myself…yet I have everything I’ve always wanted….including the belle of the ball..yet I don’t feel it.  Jenni makes those thumps in my chest move a bit more upbeat and she’s got nothing to give other than herself…which is the finest gift any man could accept from her. 

The amazing girl sets my thoughts adrift… an incredible boat without a captain, driving through the night looking for safe harbor…toss out an anchor and set it hard in the sandy bottom and view the serenity around you…breathe for a change and accept no crew’s advances when you only deserve a captain…  For me, I’m always a pirate…yet for you…I would sail in the most gentle of waters, looking out for the integrity of more than just the beautiful moments that we are locked in while sailing….but to places I’ve never seen, doing things you’ve only wished you could do…  it’s what you deserve… 

Incredible girl, my heart is in my chest filled with hope…  that hope belongs to you…take it…

T.

Can It

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3

Sparkly pink nailed goodness is great for canning, oddly enough!

These acrylic wonders work miracles when it comes to blanching and peeling peaches.

Domesticity makes me inches off the ground happy, so the peach juice running down my arms and dripping off my elbows only makes me smile bigger.

The smell of jam boiling slowly on the stove, my favorite cherry print apron and hot canning jars in the dishwasher?

I’m in heaven. Sweet domestic bliss.

Canning is right up there with knitting. You start with the raw tools and it’s up to you what you put into it. The world is your oyster and you can have, be & do anything you wish.

Getting back to basics makes you value your skill base. It reminds you how capable you are.

Even if you fuck it up.

I had an entire batch of huckleberry jam fail last year…. so I changed the labels to say “Dessert Sauce”. Easy… and everybody loved it.

Because the reason I can and the reason I garden? Is to love the people who treasure me with the gifts I can make them from my heart. Simple homemade gifts of love.

Slicing vanilla beans in half and smiling at the tiny seeds bubbling in and around the soft sweet peaches I diced in cubes.

Foodie porn, in my kitchen, in heels even.

Baking, canning and smiling it all better.

One jar at a time.