Only want you…

I wish I were more in control of my body when I’m around him. I lose all sense and sensibility. His warm anything coming in contact with my anything is enough to make me choke on the spontaneous moan in my throat.

Can you die from wanting a man?

I’m absolutely certain you’ll hope so.

Trust me on that one.

I shouldn’t have agreed to lunch, but I love this man and would agree to bank robbery under the right set of circumstances. Three cups of coffee was the magic number when his text came rolling in.

His smile registers like dry kindling and a match. The look in his eyes inspires me to return the same non-verbal challenge. I know that he can see exactly how much I want him when he looks at me. I don’t know what it is about him, but he inspires me to be vulnerable and wanton.

So I’m trying. I look away when he looks at me. I scroll through nothing on my phone. I avoid, avoid, avoid.

It doesn’t help in the slightest because he’s there, smiling at me… looking like the masculine equivalent of winning the damn lottery.

Sigh. I should not see him.

I see a spark in his eyes as he pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket. It’s a menu.


The twinkle in his naughty eyes says he knows exactly what he’s doing. He starts reading it to me and I start to beg, instantly.

J- Stop. Please. Don’t. You’re killing me.

I- Mmm, this sounds good. Listen. Oh and what are capers?

I’m choking on words and closing my eyes to breathe through the goosebumps racing across my arms. Trying my best to avoid involuntarily moaning out loud. My panties are wet and I’m holding onto the table and begging him with tortured eyes while biting lips that are craving him as much as every other inch of me. He’s read about my food fetish and knows his kitchen skills are a serious weakness of mine. He knows I want to see if he can cook my steak correctly just as badly as I want him naked… and that’s saying something, because I’d give a kidney for the latter.

He runs away with my heart, grinning at me the whole time. I can’t help but smile because that grin yanks the common sense right out of me.

I read back today to the beginning of my bad choices, and nothing has changed.

That’s depressing as hell. I still want the one man in the room who looks the other way. I still love the man who doesn’t. All I can think is that it’s some sort of elaborate plan to defend my independence. Some part of me must want to suffer… or sleep like a starfish in my king sized princess bed for the rest of time.

I just know that I don’t want less than he is or inspires, so perhaps that’s the silver lining of this suffering?

The Bet

I love football. Looooooove it. I don’t generally care who’s playing, I’m just happy to sit and watch a good game. I was turning on the Super Bowl when a text came whistling in from NotCalifornia.

My first impression is that he’s tipsy fabulous this evening because he’s taking things in a direction they have not gone. He’s usually respectful to the point I’m not exactly sure if he’s attracted to me, or my farm skills. I’m flattered, but a bit bored by it as a result. I’m not an attention whore, but after begging a man for his time & his body over the past 6 months, I’m ready for the shoe to be on the other foot. I’d like to be the focus of that same debilitating need.

NC- I miss your pretty smile…… Watching the game? Who do you want to win?

Hmmm…. I do believe this man wants to flirt with me and I’m an Olympic athlete in that division. May I offer my “Biggest Flirt” picture from junior high, as proof and for posterity.


J- I always root for the underdog. I can’t cheer for Tom Brady…

NC- I just really don’t like LA.

J- I’m shocked.

NC- You should think of a wager to make it interesting.

J- Like what??

NC- What are you thinking? Something fun.

J- I’m game. Realistically though, my team is probably going to lose, so be nice. Ideas?

NC- Hmmm. You decide. Something fun. What comes to your mind first?

J- That I need some guidelines, lol…

NC- Hahaha. No way. No guidelines. That’s what makes it a good idea. First thing that came to your mind. What is it?

Lots of inappropriate shit, if I’m going to be honest. I’m not going to be, so I have to come up with a girlfriend answer. I think about taking him to the Follies, but I’d rather go with my friends. I think of a safe answer… which slightly disappoints me in myself, but whatevs… this is how you play this dumb game.

J- Dinner with you.

NC- So if you win then dinner? What if I win?

J- I had to pick, so it’s only fair that you do too. First thing that came to your mind?

NC- Haha. Ok well how about if I win then you have to cook dinner.

J- That means waiting until Grandma is home to collect?

NC- Well I can wait.

He won and my big mouth offered to make sushi. So consider this an invitation to all of you to come on over and help me perfect my rusty rolling skills.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to having an unfair advantage in this department. I’m a really good cook. My Husband soup was named after the many proposals it garnered and my lemon custard tarts have made me a small fortune. I’m lethal in an apron and I have perfected the fine art of using it to my advantage. One of the first things Miss Lovely asks me when she knows I’m expecting company is:

L- Mmmmmm….what did you make?

It’s a strength of mine… but also an ENORMOUS weakness.

A man in my kitchen?

Elbow to elbow, playing with food and this respectful man who is determined to pursue me?

What could possibly go wrong?