30 Days of Truth, Day 15

Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

The person in my life who is missing would not appreciate being the topic, so I’m taking the easy street on this one.

I tried living without one boob for about 3 years. I’m not sure what happened, but I was getting in the shower one morning, looked down and realized that I’d ruptured my left breast implant.

Shock, horror, tears… it all happens in that moment… then you get in the shower and move on with life. I couldn’t afford to fix them at the time, and I was serving every night so having one boob wasn’t an option.

Let me define what I mean by having one boob. I had one perfect, saline filled DD, and one very empty, sad B. I became quite skilled at balancing them out in a bra, and honestly didn’t think twice about it at the time because I had SO many other things to deal with.

I didn’t care, if I’m going to be completely honest. They’d breastfed all three of my babies to great success and their purpose had been filled. My vanity had evaporated somewhere in between the Dumpling being born and turning 2. Hours in court fighting over that same baby had given me a sour taste in my mouth towards men. The only reason I’d ever consider touching one again was that I didn’t want my ex to be the last.

and then Mr. Perfection came home to visit… and I very much wanted to unwrap him.

So I did.

Now, vanity is a fickle bitch. Just when you think she’s long gone, she shows back up with a vengeance. It doesn’t help that he’s a decade younger and doesn’t have children. The more clothes I pulled on over my head, the more he unbuttoned and unlaced them.

P- Hey, take these off…

J- All of them?

P- Yes please…  I want you naked.

Well, shit. All the planning in the world couldn’t save me from that. In tossing off my pride and panties, I made a mental note to call my surgeon and schedule an appointment to pick up a new set.

I didn’t need anything fancy…. just two of them. I picked them up in January and that empty boob is now a large, painful one. I’m confident it will heal in a couple more months, but it’s a humbling thing to realize that I traded feeling 100% for vanity.

…………But the next time I’m in that moment and he tells me to take my clothes off, I won’t be hiding in a panic over it.

I’ll be breaking out my shiny new stripper pole to put these bad boys to work. 🙂

vanity

30 Days of Truth, Day 9

char

Day 9 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I’m an emotional person by nature and cry easily. I sat down to think about who fits this description in my life and the list is endless because I don’t like parting with special people.

Sidenote: if you’re in my life, you’re special to me. I don’t make time for anyone who isn’t at the very top of my list, because I have so little free time outside of work and the bulk goes to my babies.

I’m sad when anyone drifts away, and I never want to let anyone go. If I collected you in the first place, it’s because I saw something beautiful in you and want to spend those few hours available, being your friend.

I don’t have casual friendships. You’re either a close friend or an acquaintance, and unlike my love life, my friends are incredible. I am so blessed to have so many amazing women and men in my life who fill it with laughter and love. My friends are the cream of the crop and I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.

So when one drifts away, I’m just as heartbroken as losing my favorite lover. I’m still friends with my elementary bestie and keep my friendship alive via telephone with my favorite girlfriend who moved to Arizona.

People only drift away if you don’t make an effort to stop them. I’ve been guilty of being too busy and too stressed to be a good friend in the last year and I have watched a few friendships fade. It’s sometimes unavoidable as a single mother, and I have to admit that I tend to shut people out when I’m really depressed. You have to be a good friend in order to have them, and I’m really looking forward to summer and having more time to be the friend they deserve too.