Candace, Queen of the magical granola.

You GUYS.

You’re all so nice and I get the sweetest emails. ♥ I try to keep up on correspondence but I kind of suck at it. The nicest lady asked if she could send me a present and it came on the hardest of days. I was mystified opening it because I haven’t done any shopping in ages.

I have to preface this by saying that I am a HUGE granola snob. I make my own because I don’t like anybody else’s as much….

and Candace’s granola kicks my granola’s boring ass.

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Beyond that, Candace saved my whole heart on the saddest of days when I lost someone incredibly special to me. I accidentally deleted the Facebook page for this blog, so I can’t thank her directly. I hope she sees this, because WOW. You all need some.

You can get some too, at http://www.colleycreek.com

Candace,

I love you, sweet friend. This was an unbelievable surprise and my  heart is full of gratitude for your generosity ♥ Thank you, thank you, thank you!

xoxo J

Sexually Transmitted Stupidity

My favorite Songbird called to cheer me up, and after two words she said:

S- Wait. You have to listen to this, then call me back.

https://app.stitcher.com/splayer/f/163807/56329244

*Sometimes the dude is thinking you want more and you’re thinking, I don’t want to know what your favorite movie is, I don’t care if you like dogs. I genuinely don’t care. I just want to collect you like a Pokemon. 

* He told me, we can’t give A1 dick to everyone. Not everyone can handle it. Listen… these dudes are on to us. They only hand out the A1 if they feel like you are removed enough that that they don’t have to handle your emotions.

*If this is someone that’s in your life, let them know how good that dick is. If they are just kind of like a fuckbuddy- y’all know what’s up. You don’t have to be verbose about the praise. A lot of times, you can’t even front. It doesn’t matter what you say, you said enough when it was all up in them guts. 

*What is the nutritional value of this penis. Twinkie dick is gonna taste great, but it’s not fulfilling. Then you have kale dick.  It doesn’t taste fantastic, but the nutrient level is incredible.  Then there’s the holy grail. the sweet potato dick, full of antioxidants, but also sweet and savory at the same damn time. Meaning you’re touching all the bases, which means its probably touching all your bases. 

*Do you know how dope it is to laugh with someone that’s gonna fuck the shit out of you? That right there is a gem of a time. 

Enjoy ♥