Internet Dating, Love

Blame Canada…

Internet dating has taught me one thing that has held true the whole time.

They’re hiding a ton of hot men in Canada. In fact- an overwhelming majority of the emails I’ve gotten from beautiful men… have been Canadian.

There have been enough of them lately that I have to prove my theory a little and share. Keep in mind Hot does not equal normal, but if I posted a list of the scary ones, it’d just be mean. 🙂

1. Meet Jason…

Jason is an international businessman and competitive cyclist. He’s 39 years old, and is a single dad. Speaks 4 languages and owns a tractor (sigh).Nice arms- pretty smile… which gets me every time. My mom will even say to me now “OH! He has nice teeth!”  when she’s describing someone to me that she thinks I should meet. I’ve gotten far too easy, lol 🙂

Ginger,

Who’s responsible for keeping you in that small town? I’m based in Toronto. I own my own business and travel quite often. Spend a lot of time in NYC….I love it out there. Been divorced for 8 years and get along with my EX great. Do you have a passport?

Jason

I love me some Jason- but Canada is freaking cold- has more snow than we do- and so does NYC. I should be man shopping in Hawaii. 🙂

2. Meet Dreamman (his choosing, not mine)

Dreamy is 42, an electrical engineer and a single dad with 3 boys. Speaks 2 languages, loves to dance & vacation in all the same places I do. And he can cook 🙂

Hello,

I would love to be in Idaho right now… Dating you would be awesome… You are someone I would get along with and have an awesome time with… Let keep chatting you never know what life may bring us… TOO HOT.. Email me

Again, a hot black man emails me and doesn’t give me his name. Go figure. TOO HOT is a little TOO MUCH but ah well- there’s a serious beautiful black man shortage in my neck of the woods.

3. Meet Henry, who kind of reminds me of Brett Favre… 🙂

Henry is 45… a single dad of a 5 year old little girl, and a college football coach 🙂 (I love college football, how fun would that be? lol, sorry, shallow moment) Any dad that takes the time to erase his kid from a picture he puts on his profile, is a cool guy in my book. He loves to surf & golf- two things I want to learn.

Hey there,

Any chance I can talk u into more babies? How’s that for a pickup?  Im at least a thousand miles away from you, wanna move? I always wanted to marry a country girl.

Henry/Hank

Yikers- how ’bout give me a minute to say Hi back. Sheesh. “Move here now let’s get PREGNANT!” Um…tempting, but no.

It’ always reminds me of a high desperation meat market. One where you learn FAR too much about your date before you meet them in person.

I don’t know if I can never want to go on another one of these stranger dates…

Internet Dating

The clincher.

This crush on Mr. Flintstone has me preoccupied… so I’ve decided this whole internet dating fiasco is pointless. I’d rather be happily single than consider pathetic replacements.  Dammit…ignorance IS bliss. 🙂

I can’t imagine what I was ever thinking… accepting so little, for 7 years. I’m delighted because I remember that it can be  really really good. Better than I imagined. 🙂

If I’ve learned one thing from internet dating, it’s that being alone is really pretty fun. Hanging out with a weirdo is just awful, no matter what. When you consider the two, I’d rather dance alone naked to Madonna in my living room… than be spoiled rotten by a lame guy. I want an amazing man. Someone funny, & cute…with big feet. Thoughtful… with a nasty imagination. The man who ruins a brand of cologne for me… because I can’t ever smell it again without thinking about him. That guy.

Not exactly what you see on Match.com… huh? So… I’m done. I went in to close the whole thing out today, and had another email…

Oh Miss Cupcake Beautie,

Please write too me lol. Are you nervous? I been tryin to think what to say about going out. I hope you don’t think i’m lame but got a dui back in nov. I got my license back n everything but my punishment is 60 days of electronic home monitoring. Means I can’t really go anywhere but takin kids to school n grocery shoppin n stuff. I have a little gps bracelet on my ankle that tracks me for another 4 weeks ugh. You probaly think i’m a loser now n won’t ever talk to me again lol but am honest to a fault. Just made a bad choice to drive home from a friends bday party. I haven’t even drank in 5 weeks now not sure if I will again am pretty happy n real healthy just taking care of kids when I have them n home life. Wow i’m writin a book sorry lol. Anyway I have nice home n am very good cook if you wanted to meet me here. Otherwise we’ll have to wait a few weeks if you think you can lol. I’ll give you my phone n email if you’d rather talk that way or if not thats ok too.  Hope to hear from you soon n tell me what you think of whole thing k? TTYS. Steven

I’d cry if I wasn’t laughing so hard. Just when you need it the most, God sends you confirmation that you’re making the right choice. Who the hell gets on the internet to date when they’re on house arrest?  I give the guy points for being honest… but where do you go from there? Yeah… I’ll be the idiot who goes to the home of a stranger I met on the internet for our first date, because he can’t leave due to his “electronic monitoring device”.

I’ve officially heard it all… and seen it all… and consequently…

I want it all. None of which is at Steven’s house. 🙂

Internet Dating

With a name like blodsukr…

what do you expect? This is what his profile says:

OK, I have been trying this online dating stuff for about 2 years, but every time I meet a girl winter comes along and I get the itch to just stay inside all winter and play World of Warcraft. For some reason all the girls I have dated seem to feel that I am neglecting them when this happens. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just need to have the mental stimulation of WOW … so it usually ends up with them finally dumping my dumb butt and me feeling bad … but still playing WOW anyway. So I figured I would now try to meet some like minded ladies who also love WOW, but to be honest, my chances are probably close to nil since I am older then the average gamer … but still young at heart!

Heavens to Betsy. I think I’ve actually heard it all… lol 🙂

Internet Dating

That scary variable of internet dating.

When someone you know (or have met IRL) recognizes your profile…

***Hey you look just like an amazing cook I know at the farmers market who makes these delicious marshmallows with luscious chocolate, creative deserts that blow the doors off anyone who tries them, and warm zippy soups on those cold fall days. I always feel this magnetic pull toward her stand because of the goods and she is always smiling and cheerful too. She has the same effect on my daughters too. Though I talk to her I don’t remember her name. Is she your twin? Makes me wonder where else I’ve seen either of you around town, like in yoga classes, etc. In fact maybe I’ll see her tomorrow for the ‘yeah its finally spring’ opening. Back to you, looks like you are looking for a slightly younger friend than I, unless your age range is in spirit years rather than body years. Do you mind clarifying?

M

Oh crap again. This seems to keep getting harder. Not easier. Those stupid marshmallows get a little more of a reaction than I like sometimes.