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Category Archives: Internet Dating

The clincher.

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This crush on Mr. Flintstone has me preoccupied… so I’ve decided this whole internet dating fiasco is pointless. I’d rather be happily single than consider pathetic replacements.  Dammit…ignorance IS bliss. 🙂

I can’t imagine what I was ever thinking… accepting so little, for 7 years. I’m delighted because I remember that it can be  really really good. Better than I imagined. 🙂

If I’ve learned one thing from internet dating, it’s that being alone is really pretty fun. Hanging out with a weirdo is just awful, no matter what. When you consider the two, I’d rather dance alone naked to Madonna in my living room… than be spoiled rotten by a lame guy. I want an amazing man. Someone funny, & cute…with big feet. Thoughtful… with a nasty imagination. The man who ruins a brand of cologne for me… because I can’t ever smell it again without thinking about him. That guy.

Not exactly what you see on Match.com… huh? So… I’m done. I went in to close the whole thing out today, and had another email…

Oh Miss Cupcake Beautie,

Please write too me lol. Are you nervous? I been tryin to think what to say about going out. I hope you don’t think i’m lame but got a dui back in nov. I got my license back n everything but my punishment is 60 days of electronic home monitoring. Means I can’t really go anywhere but takin kids to school n grocery shoppin n stuff. I have a little gps bracelet on my ankle that tracks me for another 4 weeks ugh. You probaly think i’m a loser now n won’t ever talk to me again lol but am honest to a fault. Just made a bad choice to drive home from a friends bday party. I haven’t even drank in 5 weeks now not sure if I will again am pretty happy n real healthy just taking care of kids when I have them n home life. Wow i’m writin a book sorry lol. Anyway I have nice home n am very good cook if you wanted to meet me here. Otherwise we’ll have to wait a few weeks if you think you can lol. I’ll give you my phone n email if you’d rather talk that way or if not thats ok too.  Hope to hear from you soon n tell me what you think of whole thing k? TTYS. Steven

I’d cry if I wasn’t laughing so hard. Just when you need it the most, God sends you confirmation that you’re making the right choice. Who the hell gets on the internet to date when they’re on house arrest?  I give the guy points for being honest… but where do you go from there? Yeah… I’ll be the idiot who goes to the home of a stranger I met on the internet for our first date, because he can’t leave due to his “electronic monitoring device”.

I’ve officially heard it all… and seen it all… and consequently…

I want it all. None of which is at Steven’s house. 🙂

With a name like blodsukr…

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what do you expect? This is what his profile says:

OK, I have been trying this online dating stuff for about 2 years, but every time I meet a girl winter comes along and I get the itch to just stay inside all winter and play World of Warcraft. For some reason all the girls I have dated seem to feel that I am neglecting them when this happens. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just need to have the mental stimulation of WOW … so it usually ends up with them finally dumping my dumb butt and me feeling bad … but still playing WOW anyway. So I figured I would now try to meet some like minded ladies who also love WOW, but to be honest, my chances are probably close to nil since I am older then the average gamer … but still young at heart!

Heavens to Betsy. I think I’ve actually heard it all… lol 🙂

That scary variable of internet dating.

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When someone you know (or have met IRL) recognizes your profile…

***Hey you look just like an amazing cook I know at the farmers market who makes these delicious marshmallows with luscious chocolate, creative deserts that blow the doors off anyone who tries them, and warm zippy soups on those cold fall days. I always feel this magnetic pull toward her stand because of the goods and she is always smiling and cheerful too. She has the same effect on my daughters too. Though I talk to her I don’t remember her name. Is she your twin? Makes me wonder where else I’ve seen either of you around town, like in yoga classes, etc. In fact maybe I’ll see her tomorrow for the ‘yeah its finally spring’ opening. Back to you, looks like you are looking for a slightly younger friend than I, unless your age range is in spirit years rather than body years. Do you mind clarifying?

M

Oh crap again. This seems to keep getting harder. Not easier. Those stupid marshmallows get a little more of a reaction than I like sometimes.

Who’s ready for a little eye candy?

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Me. (sorry mom)

Meet Mr. Eye Candy (or: he who did not include his name in the email)

“Want to move to Issaquah?”

Um. Yes.

I sure do. 🙂

Photographic torture.

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Oh hell. Oh hell twice.

The most uncomfortable part of internet dating (for me)  is getting a photo from someone that doesn’t list one on their dating profile… and not knowing what to say. I’m too nice- a curse that’s followed me into the depths of dating strangers.

“Here are some pictures of me, hope ya like em!”

Gulp. Um. Uh-oh.

Shit.

What now? How do you possibly say “Actually I’m not at all attracted to you whatsoever.”?  I said “Thanks!” which I’m aware doesn’t help. At ALL. Because this came this morning:

“Well, I’m a little confused. Are you interested in communicating with me and getting to know each other? I would be crazy if I weren’t interested in you. I do realize you probably have about 100 guys emailing you dailey from this site. Which would take alot of your time weeding threw them all. I would like to offer to take you to dinner anywhere in the world and see if sparks fly. -G”

Why-oh-why are men so confident? All the wrong ones anyway.  I’m going to feel like a total bitch for telling him I’m not interested. I’m not motivated by someone’s bank account- I have to be attracted to them physically.

But putting that into words that don’t hurt anyone’s feelings?

Impossible.

Ok… I couldn’t resist.

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Besides the garden owning me- kicking my ass and getting me in swimsuit shape in no time… I’m bored. My hands hurt too badly to knit and I’m still getting used to cooking for just myself.

SO I fired up my Match.com account again. I can’t help it. I’m a glutton for punishment.

and when I checked it today- I found this:

“Hey lil fish. I am goen’ fishing Sat morn if your coming then strap your boots on and let’s go. about a mile hike along the river,you’ll probly get wet if your lucky. your choice”

Now what do you say to that? I’ve come to the conclusion that the entertainment from the weirdos is enough to keep me internet dating.

Though not enough to break out my fishing pole… 🙂

Hmmm, no thank you.

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No more internet dating. I’m sick of lame pick up lines and the complete lack of… everything. It’s just sad. No offense to the eligible bachelors out there (of which there are few) none of whom live near me. I am simply, totally & completely OVER IT.I had the good fortune to log into Match.com today and see that today was the last day I could cancel my account before they automatically charged me again. EUREKA!!! I was finally free of it all. They offered me 3 more months for the price of 1… No thank you… NO. I have had enough. More than enough even.

My ridiculously large garden, 2 lovely well-behaved kids & 3 little dogs keep me happy & busy enough that I don’t really have time for it all anyway.

Sigh…

and I’d feel a little gloomy about it… sort of… if I hadn’t found the perfect message the other day.

Issy & I went shopping for our dear Grandma Blanche’s birthday and I found a candle on the clearance rack that said “Faith is hope on fire”… so I bought it…and I love it.

And I have faith. All you nay-sayers be damned.

I may end up in a nun’s Habit… but at least I will have  tried to be a good example while trying to have a new life with my kids included as an equal part to myself. I feel good about that- even if it lands me in a Habit…

Because I’d rather feel good about my approach than be happy with a new boyfriend (gag). The end never justifies the means to me. I’m one of those die-hard underdog cheerleaders of mothers putting their children first. I love mine. More than any ol’ guy. In fact… it’d take a pretty special man to invite him into our lives… My children have a wonderful father who is still included in holidays- etc. It will take someone with confidence to know that peace is possible with an ex.

I know the right guy is out there. I know I deserve him… and I know he deserves me… and its going to be sooo much fun when the right time rolls around. 🙂

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