Category Archives: knitting

Vice Parade

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Ok so I’m a creature of comfort. I like it. Domesticity=heaven in my book. Making breakfast in heels and panties makes me happy.

A wannabe pin-up for sure. I’d put my hair in pigtails if it wouldn’t risk ruining the perfect eggs.

Looking at the day ahead and breathing, finally. Itching to go for a run in the fog.

Cleaning the kitchen… emptying the dead food from the refrigerator and deciding to sink into my own little parade of vices.

So I iron a dress, and curl my hair. Fake lashes, the whole nine. Why not. I feel better and nobody needed to see me for the past week- I’m starving and there’s nothing to eat. Hell I might even go to two stores, or even three. I love grocery shopping. Love it. Especially at Super 1 after my whole Mr. Flintstone crush.

Call it a retail high, or my Mormon roots shining through… but I go down every aisle, happily. I curled my hair for this, I’m gonna enjoy it!

First things first, a dozen roses. Fuck Valentine’s day this year, period. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to be tortured by the displays and not see roses in my kitchen. Nope. That’s the beauty of being a self reliant, single woman. $15 is cheap to avoid another boyfriend.

Olive bar… oh gawddd… this is gonna be one of those days. Prawns, fresh basil, grape tomatoes, fresh mozzarella pearls…prosciutto and marinated artichoke hearts. Be still my heart.

Pizza… bacon… and my favorite little Ham & Swiss Lunchable. Oh my. You absolutely CAN buy happiness.

This girl intends to feed this broken heart until it’s full again. Emotional eating? Absolutely- don’t judge.

Fresh tuna, lobster tails, wasabi and baby fingerling potatoes. Everything to make Husband soup. Inoki mushrooms, praise God.

Rootbeer, vanilla ice cream… and everything to bake myself into the white zone.

Two bottles of Sauvingnon Blanc and a bag of beef jerky… because I’m still that pathetic broken hearted girl and it reminds me of him. I’m being honest. Ugh. Ouch. Time to get baking.

Dicing vegetables is zen. I’m meticulous. I have to have perfect little square potatoes, and they have to be fairly uniform. I don’t like haphazard soup… and I enjoy the process. Washing mushrooms and peeling carrots. Making the dough for the noodles and diving deep into my favorite things to save myself.

I’m sad, and it’s awful- and I miss him… and I know that I just have to miss him from now on… and it sucks when you know you just have to survive it, because the pain is not going to end until you let it. It was so right… so incredibly everything I ever wanted… and it’s confusing how it all ended and it’s hard having him hate me. How’s that for truth. Ugh.

Making noodles makes me feel ridiculously attractive. Funny huh? I’m the sexiest noodle making old fashioned girl on the block, lol. I like doing things the old fashioned way. I love making it from scratch. I’m Jenni Crocker Stewart on overdrive, consider this my public service announcement. Y’all are about to gain some weight if you stop by.

Why not make bread if I’m making noodles, right? Sure. Honey whole wheat rolls, for my daughter to pack for lunch this week too. If this nightmare has taught me anything, it’s to stick to my core values and true feelings. I knew something was wrong when he wasn’t waiting for me at the airport. I’m a fucking hypocrite if I tell my kids to listen to their heart and ignore my own. I ignored some red flags here and there because it was just so good. Funny and intimate and amazing. Until it wasn’t. I’m really determined to be thankful for the good moments because the pictures make me smile and the memories are priceless in knowing what it feels like to have someone be wonderful to you. It’s a hell of a story, if nothing else.

My life is a damn movie, lol…

Complete with Puerto Rican Police and being roofied. Word. Come on, laugh with me about it. I’m still in shock. A week ago today I was walking in the rainforest with him, so in love and so sad to be leaving him I dissolved into tears all day. It was fantastic and I am thankful for the memories.

Bake, woman… stop thinking… grating lemons, melting butter… mmmm…. Meyer Lemon Bars.

Fresh pesto with the basil I bought… Mmm the house smells amazing. My bread is rising, my noodles are drying and the broth is simmering lightly on the stove.

Success. Grin. Let the fun begin.

A delightful cigarette before filling a glass of wine… and a bubble bath with my favorite coconut scented bubbles. Scrub my feet and shave my legs… anything to get rid of this tan that is a constant reminder that I just got back. Bruises here and there. My aching heart. It all just sucks to go through. Haven’t I done this enough already? Haven’t I learned my lesson? What the fuck is wrong with me and my judgement? Seriously.

He’s more worried about how I portrayed him than the fact someone put something in my drink… while telling me I don’t know what real love is. To be honest, I think he’s right. I don’t know what it is… but I do know what it’s not.

This is a prime example of what real love ISN’T. Perhaps it could have been, but without faith, love doesn’t stand a chance.

I have an hour before I have to shape my dough into rolls… and I’ve avoided my knitting because I’ve been too depressed. Knitting makes me happy and I have brand new fuzzy brown yarn. Within a few stitches I’m at ease. Calming down. Breathing deeply and allowing myself to miss him even though it’s gone so horribly south. It’s a lot to deal with in a week and I’m still reeling. Nevermind the impact of the climate change on my body, my whole world has been turned upside down and I have been in both heaven and hell in the last 7 days. I don’t recommend it.

This darling little bunny face is shaping himself in my hands and I’m wistful. He wanted me to knit him something and I naturally start. I’m so ridiculously predictable it’s sad, lol. I’ll make him for myself and it will be a reminder that I shouldn’t do too much. Cute little seed stitch ears, a little pink nose… he’s adorable already and he’s simply a decapitated bunny head. Sitting down to quietly make something with your hands, even if it’s nothing more than folding rags into squares is soothing, routine, and peaceful.

Sunday cleaning, fresh fluffy towels in the bathroom and clean sheets on my little darling’s bed. Fluffy white socks, a freshly washed blanket and one of many glasses of wine needed to face this day. Stupid shows about weddings… ya know- cause that’s what you watch when you want to wallow in your breakup.

Because ultimately… if it can work out for that crazy bitch on the TV?

It can definitely work out for you.

Cheers… and give me a call if you’re hungry :)

Creature Comforts

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My first day off, and we spent it laughing and getting nothing done. Girl time, all day with Miss Everything having the day off too.

Hearing from my darling favorite man… all day. Mmm… bliss.

I even took a nap. No kidding. It was divine…. with a friend coming over for a knitting lesson.

Seriously the only thing missing is my darling boyfriend and my kids and this day would be perfect. It’s close enough, and I’m sleepy happy and drinking mimosas with the roomie.

Knitting with my friend, Miss Fantastic, who is a quick learner and such great company. She’s beautiful, and a really great friend. Miss Everything ends up stopping the movie and we laugh all night about the crazy small town shit. Laughing until late and not getting a whole lot of knitting done.

It was so nice to just laugh with the girls all night… some of the shit that’s happened in my life in the last year defies explanation, and I leave a lot out on my blog- I exaggerate- absolutely- and sometimes it’s not true in the slightest (do you really want to read about me doing laundry?) but some of the details you can only admit to and laugh about in person, are the best.

I’m knitting these:

and they’re darling, but it’s like knitting with toothpicks and I’m just too stressed lately. Holly, Ivy & Steve may not be done in time for Christmas… because I’m working on this too:

Along with matching hats for a friend, a hat for my baby and a major sewing project. I’m swimming in domestic details, and focused on January and the man I love.

Biting back the jealousy that hits me reading this morning and taking myself out for a run in the cold winter sunshine. I don’t respond well to feeling jealous because it’s always ended poorly in the past. I’m conditioned to feel vulnerable and I’m not pleased with myself about it.

Breezing back in to sit on the couch, watch a movie and knit. Slow down for a minute and knit one stitch after the other and let the thoughts in my head run themselves in circles until all I’m seeing are tiny little monster legs dangling from my needles.

Breathing deeply and taking a two hour break before I conquer my ridiculously long to-do list today.

Whipping up a batch of marshmallows this afternoon, some carrot cake cookies perhaps… or the first batch of sugar cookies with my new snowflake cookie cutters…

Distracting myself with the things I have control over since it’s all a little too stressful lately and there’s great comfort in crossing things off of a long list. I may not get it all done, but at least the list will shrink a little.

Biting my tongue and keeping my hands busy to avoid writing about what I really want to write about.

… something all new to me.

Little girl goodness…

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I watch a friend’s daughter overnight every other Wednesday… and didn’t know how the dynamic would go at first, and went into it with the hopes it would all be just peachy. Her mom is a douche bag, and I’m determined to go full tilt girlie fabulous while she’s with us. I knew my own daughter would be a little jealous…

I have a dozen “dads” because my bio dad is  worthless. I look at the time I spent with the little sweetheart as doing my part. She’s adorable, and SO funny- but she needs a mommy for sure, and that’s my forte. We curl our hair and paint our nails… turn the music on and dance in the living room, it’s a full scale estrogen fest, complete with Miss Everything.

Sometimes we have a fashion show- and we have a sewing project we’re working on for Christmas. It’s just time spent with little girls, being a really great example and teaching them things so few women know anymore. I feel pretty passionately about it, because I love to knit, can, garden, sew… getting in touch with my Mormon roots, if you will. :) . I’m all about teaching the little girls in my life, and the boys too for that matter. My son knows how to sew, and some of the most amazing men I know, knit.

My grandmother taught me to crochet, and I taught myself how to knit. My Mama and my Aunt taught me to sew and we still love to sit and sew together. It’s when we really connect- and when we really talk about what matters.

So sitting with this tiny little girl who is on girly overload, I’m sure- is just what the doctor ordered. She’s adorable- and her Mom is really missing out… but if I have anything to say about it- she wont miss out on a thing in her little life.

She recites her words from a Veterans day presentation she had at school that day. In front of the whole school and the parents. 300-400 people… she smiles and stands up straight and rattles off a monologue about Francis Scott Key. So sweet and so brave… I was so proud I cried and she started laughing at me.

T- Don’t cry!

J- I am so proud of you, that’s so brave and you had so much to remember!

T- In one day!

More tears… this little darling will be one of the best women life can create. She may not have a mom, but she’s not lacking. She’s adored by her Dad & Uncle, her Grandparents and anyone else who comes in contact with her. She’s a spitfire. She’s hysterically funny… she actually recited her part at our family dinner and when someone suggested she rap it- she did. 10 adults in tears over this fierce little lady.

Tucking two little girls in bed with bedtime stores about Belinda the Ballerina and her big feet. Sweet mommy bliss with more to follow later. In love with my two days off to play with my little angel- and a borrowed angel too.

This is what we’re making for Christmas:

You can find the directions here.

Looks simple enough- and it will be nice busy work for them to cut all those circles out…

For as much as I complain about the cold, I do love the fall… because the cold does nothing but supply me with the perfect excuse to curl up like a kitten on the couch, surrounded by yarn, needles, fabric, thread, etc…

Best of all? Two giggling little girls cutting out flower petals…curled up on the couch next to me, side by side. Cozy domestic happiness. ♥

♥

Get it done, batgirl…

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This being the 5th year blogging, there are days I think I’ve run out of stuff to ramble on about and I am absolutely buried in canning… and I have 3 pear trees to pick today. Ugh…

I would rather be doing just about anything else… which is good, because I have to pick a tiny black dress to go with my nun habit, and I have work later…

Perhaps my Bucket List is in order? Or maybe just  a pause from my actual t0-do list to write one that is more in keeping with what I really want to be doing? At any rate, here it is.

1. I want to go to school. Any school. I miss it and I can see myself becoming a lifer if I end up permanently single. I’d like to actually pass algebra at some point. I’d love to learn a few more languages. I’d love to take a stained glass class. I’m a skill hoarder… I love learning something new and I love writing on paper with a freshly sharpened pencil :)

2. I want to fix everything with my son. It weighs on me every day and I miss him terribly.

3. I want to run a marathon. Weird huh? I’m happiest when I’m running regularly. The endorphins are no joke- and between the running and the knitting- I’m happily celibate. Sorta.

4. I want to have the nerve to push the envelope. I want to be brave enough to take a leap of faith purely to see if I really can have have everything I want. I want to kiss hope right on the lips.

5. I want to build my treehouse. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it’s been unfinished since we moved in and it drives me INSANE. I want a roof… so I have to learn how to do roofing. I want it to have a staircase, and even attempting stairs for the hot tub was the absolute WORST thing I’ve ever tried to make… so the stairs are posing a looming threat. I want it to have flower boxes and a door and honestly… I completely understand I sound like a lunatic. I always wanted one, and my kids weren’t that interested… so I’m determined to build it for myself. With my big old pile of wood from the Dirty Boat Thief.

6. I want to go everywhere. Being a young mother and raising two children means life at home. I want to see everything I haven’t seen and go places I never thought to consider. I could do without snow. I’m cool if I don’t see Antarctica. Ever. If you’ve seen one snowbank, you’ve seen them all.

7. I want to be happy, anywhere. My Bestie has the big house and the shiny new car and everything you could think would make life perfect, and it’s still just as hard. She works just as hard, it’s just as hard to juggle kids and responsibility and she still wants to be happier. Financially secure or struggling, I want to be happy anywhere that lands me. I want to always be able to see the silver lining.

8. I want to take my mom on vacation. Somewhere fun- somewhere out of both of our elements- just to show her how much I really love and appreciate her. She’s become my right hand, my wife- I don’t know what I’d do without her and I want to be able to show her at some point.

9. I want to go tank diving with Sharks… I know… it’s something not many people can understand but I’ve wanted to since I was a little girl. The tip of South Africa, mmmmm…. can’t wait. It makes my heart race just thinking about slipping into Shark filled water…

10. I want to be the friend people call when they need help, the daughter my mother can rely on, the mom my kids love and adore, and the love of someone’s life.

11. I want to finish my flower tattoos, have the balls to do all the other outlining stuff and really love each one more than the last. It’s an unexpected love of mine and I treasure them. They’re all so significant, even the purple orchid from lousy Nathan. It’s the one I see the most next to the cherries on my wrist… and it always makes me think of my dear friend, my Tattoo Diva. I have the best time hanging out with her and the story of Nathan and his fake tattoos is just one more funny part of our friendship. ♥ her. ♥ my tattoos. Always want more… mmmm needle therapy- the best money can buy.

12. I want to learn to sail. I can remember sailing with my stepdad as a little girl, but he never let me help. I watched some random movie the other night and realized I was ignoring the dialog and watching what he was doing with the sails.

13. I want to learn to fly a plane. For several reasons, some of them not so nice, but ultimately, I’m a little afraid of heights, and though I love to fly… I’d feel even better if I knew I could take over if need be. I like to be prepared.

14. I want to learn to Scuba dive. I love snorkeling… I could spend an entire day chumming pretty fish with crackers. I love it- so it’s natural I’d want to take it a step further. My dive-master friend gives me shit constantly about being a floater, lol… and I will absolutely make him eat his words at some point.

15. I want to get a family picture for my mother- who has never had one. I’m working on making this one happen just after Christmas, but this has been on the list for years. Hopefully my son will be in it too.

16. I want to have the money to pay people to keep my garden weed free. Even for just a year. I swear- that’s what I’d buy if I won the lottery… a weed free garden to enjoy. I missed my garden desperately this year but I just didn’t have the time. The thought of other people weeding it for a year? Holy… that’s right up there with Coach.

17. I want to throw half of everything I own, away, or give it away, or all of it. I hate the burden of possessions. I only need a few things to be happy. My kids, my family, my little dogs, my friends and my knitting. Dishes I could live without. Laundry? Ugh. I could happily survive with a few cashmere sweaters, a few black shirts, a few white shirts and a few great pairs of jeans…. and a few thousand dresses with pretty heels to match. It’s my own damn fault I’m drowning in clothing.

18. I want to blog. Always. Regardless of the pressure to write books, travel the world and be sinfully blissfully happy? I am always thankful for the 20 minutes a day I sit down and write. It’s sometimes the only time I sit down all day.

19. I want to abandon the cold. Permanently. I wouldn’t mind coming home to visit at Christmas to see the snow… but I really loathe winter. It’s pretty for a minute, and then it’s just an added hassle in my already chaotic life. Getting up an hour earlier to shovel, sucks balls. I want to plant gardenias around the entire perimeter of my house and wear as many of them in my hair every day as I can fit. I hate the cold. I want to garden year round.

20. I want to read a book a week. I’m not taking the time to read right now and I feel dull. I have too much to do to even list and it’s sunny, so I should be planting the rest of the garlic. I’ll kick myself if I don’t… but I’m not. I’m reading a book. I’m taking it easy for a change, curling up with little Tucker Max and I’m committing to at least crossing one of these things off the list at some point.

I could keep going but sheesh… this should keep me occupied while I’m not working and knitting.

Happy Monday- the first one I’ve had off in nearly a year. Cleaning, baking, and trick or treating later…

Close to the perfect day, Amen.

♥

Thankful Thursday

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Whiskey Wednesday claims another victim. Ugh. Miss Perfection, Mr. Bestie, SuperDad & Miss Fearless… Christ on the cross we know how to celebrate.

What are we celebrating?

Um.

Life? Not being in unhappy relationships? Paying the water bill? Sure… that works. Let’s celebrate all of that… with a few bruised apples… a few shots of Rumplemints… a little Tanqueray and a cozy cab ride home.

Sleeping in… tangled in dreams and sheets, with one leg exposed and frozen. Swimming in pillows and fighting to block out my damned Yorkie Tucker Max, who happens to be barking at me from the laundry room. Begging and pleading to fall back into the dream that’s haunted me all week.

Celibacy leaves me with one option for sex. Sleep more, and pray for sex dreams. So far so good… I’ve never been so blown away by a dream and I’m sleepy sweet and craving.

However… the fucking dog ruined it this morning and I rolled over on to my stomach, kicked the blankets off and grabbed my phone… to send an email to He-Who’s-Inspired-Me-To-Raise-My-Standards.

Grinning at the cloudy grey day and relishing the bike ride down town to pick up my car. In love with my quiet life. Enjoying the simplicity of my day and grateful for a day off.

It’s fashion-free day. I threw on a pair of my favorite sweats, a tank top and sweatshirt and headed out to face the day… only to have a bouquet of oriental lilies fall from the door when I opened it.

???

I love them, they’re my favorite. Casablanca lilies. They smell like heaven. No card. Hmph. I only like surprises if I know who’s intending to surprise me.

Flowers are always appreciated… but they always come with a certain intention. These are not friend flowers. These are “I like you” flowers.

Sweet. They smell amazing and I love surprises. Wow, flowers. <grin>

I turn Pandora on and tuck my phone in my bra. Music and an early morning bike ride, what a perfect start to a day off that is hardly going to be one. The leaves are changing. It’s cool and beautiful and you can smell wood smoke in the air. I love Fall. It makes me smile from the inside out. It’s knitting season, time to sew… and the best part?

HALLOWEEN!!! My favorite holiday, hands down…. and I’m a holiday junkie. My costume should be in the mail today. How exciting :)

I picked up the car and went directly to the store to get the grocery shopping done. Wandering in slowly, I go straight to the Starbucks in the front of the store. One Venti Salted Caramel Mocha… it’s like a liquid orgasm, seriously… run, don’t walk. Trade your soul for one if you have to, it’s that good.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and starts to play Lady Gaga’s “You and I”….as I’m thanking God for Starbucks and whoever thought to combine sea salt, caramel, chocolate AND coffee. Ooooh. Email. From him, complete with a song to confirm it.

“You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh
I’d give anything again to be your baby doll
This time I’m not leaving without you”

OH Happy day… I’ve got mail… of my favorite varieTy. Which does nothing but drive my grocery bill through the roof. Ohhhh how I grocery shop when inspired… Lord have mercy. I’m making pumpkin roll, french onion soup, prosciutto and fontina wrapped grilled prawns. This man speaks my language and lights me up from the inside, at the same time. It’s a good thing he’s too far away to tempt with food because I’d be sewing new dresses and buying aprons at record speed. God bless the man who loves the domesticated princess, he shall know true happiness.

I get home and sink into a day of cleaning the house. Apparently I’m the only one that does and it’s beginning to get on my nerves. How does the whole shared housekeeping thing work with a roommate? I have to have it clean on my day off, I can’t stand dirty floors and the dishes are piling up in both sinks. Apparently I’m the only one who knows how to take out the trash, the bathroom needs to be cleaned…. and there’s dog hair on the sink. Gross. I don’t mind cleaning as much as I mind filth, though it’s the last thing I want to do on my day off every week. Time for everyone in the house to get a chore list, I’ve officially fucking had it.

Silky soft clean sheets and freshly shaven legs. New polish on my toenails and brand new squishy soft socks from my daughter. None of those things want to mix with dog hair and dirt. So I’m a little annoyed, but getting it done nonetheless. My mystery flowers are keeping me company in the kitchen and the pumpkin seeds are starting to smell amazing while they crackle and pop in the oven. Deeeelish.

I hear the mailman and run out to the mailbox. IT’S HERE!!!!!!!!!! My little white bunny dress. :)

Halloween is the one day a year you can absolutely get away with breaking out your skimpiest, sluttiest stuff in the closet. Better yet? Buy something even worse than last year. I found the best ears a year ago… and a dress last week, and it honestly looks like a size 5.

I am not a size 5. Nor have I ever been.

I have 36 DD boobs and this dress was sewn with the Itty Bitty Titty Nation in mind. It feels like a satin tourniquet.

My first inclination is to break out my little black book for a little gratuitous praise. This dress is giving me serious pause. I’m going to have to live a completely carb free life from here to Halloween… oh and there goes beer and steak too.

The things I sacrifice to be tramptastic.

I put it on again and thought my chest was going to cave in from the pressure, grabbed my sewing shears and cut a slit down the front…

Ah. Oxygen.

You can damn near read the washing instruction tag on my panties and I feel naked. This thing needs help. I cannot go out like this. Not without a fifth of Goose and a death wish.

Which is when the power man knocks on the door, and as I reach for the door knob I hear rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip…. and my one inch slit has grown to more like 3… and he’s vacillating between white and red. He can’t say anything. He mumbles something about the meter and walks away and I look at my reflection in the door.

Holy Jesus, Mary & Joseph.

Bunnies were meant to be soft, sweet and fluffy… not half naked with panty line and boobs a-plenty.

Good Lord… it’s high time for 2 or 3 slips and some fake fur to glue on. This thing is straight up pornographic.

But hey….It is Halloween… Tis the season…