Category Archives: Satisfaction

Crazy Bitch

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2

I swear… just when I’m sinking into delicious bliss with the man I absolutely am going to marry if I have anything to say about it…

The Cunt Bag rears her ugly head.

We had a perfect sort of lazy day. My Superman saw the exhaustion on my face and pulled me back into bed, tucked my head on his shoulder and ran his fingers through my hair until I fell asleep.

… 2 hours later I woke up to him smiling at me. My gawddd. I prayed for him. I wished on stars and rolled the dice with the wrong guy several times, always holding out faith that men like this Superman of mine really did exist.

Against all odds and proof to the contrary, I clung to my faith that there had to be a man like him…. and when I say I’m the luckiest girl on earth, I’m not kidding.

He was determined to take me out to dinner, after taking me out for lunch.

S- It’s your day off, let someone else cook.

If he weren’t standing right in front of me, helping me in the greenhouse with the thriving plants just waiting to be planted, I’d swear he were a figment of my imagination. This amazing man is honest, good & so damn everything I ever wanted… I’m speechless.

He offers strangers help. He adores & helps his mama. He pulls my garden-glove clad hands to him and kisses me. I am so incredibly happy I think I’m floating.

My stint in Doucheville has ended. He’s impeccable with his word and he makes his intentions known. He talks babies. <swoon>.  I may have dropped an L bomb last night… fuck. lol…

It’s early. Yes. It’s soon. Yes. It’s hasty. Yes. But if there were ever a man born more worth love and devotion, I’d be surprised. I thought men like this only occurred in Disney movies and soap operas.

He smiles at me and I feel like his favorite flower & flavor at the same time. Respect with a side of take-those-clothes-off.

Be still my heart… I wish all of my friends could be so lucky.

We went to dinner late, after spending a day swimming in smiles and quiet joy. Italian, my favorite- and he’s grinning at me in the truck while I bite back L bombs.

We walked into the restaurant, and there sat the Cunt Bag. Oh great. I just smiled and walked by. I don’t have time for bullshit in this blissed out existence of mine. Haters gonna hate… but they can hate the fuck off.

We laughed over dinner as he gagged over my love for bleu cheese dressing. Fast tracking this love business means we’re still getting to know each other, while fighting the urge to throw caution to the wind and make a dozen pretty babies. Insanity? Yeah… maybe. I really don’t care… when it comes to Superman I’ve thrown off the brakes. Some men are different, and god bless America, I found my anomaly.

We got up to leave and she was still there. Ugh. Some people really make you wish you were blind so you didn’t have to look at them. I averted my eyes and walked past her, down the hallway toward the exit. When I heard her shout.

A- Bye Jenni, have a good night, Jenni.

and I’m sorry… but I’ve fucking had it. She can play ass kisser in front of the idiots who’ve given her too much freedom to torture the employees that actually work, but I don’t have to take an iota of shit from her ever again.

J- Fuck you.

A- Good to see you Jenni!

J- Fuck you.

I kept walking, my back to the nightmare and my sweet Superman walking behind me… when I hear her feet stomping behind me. I feel him behind me and I refuse to sink to her bullshit level. I keep walking. I pushed the door open and walked to the truck while I heard her behind me, screaming about me having shit to talk about her and being good with my mouth. She ran into my dear boyfriend with the door to the restaurant and he stood in her way while she screamed threats at me.

A- You don’t know me, don’t touch me!

S- I’m not touching you, and you’re not touching her.

He hit the button unlocking the door to the truck and I climbed in. She went back inside and he got in next to me.

S- I’m sorry I didn’t open your door, beautiful.

J- I’m so sorry about that. She’s awful.

S- Clearly. Don’t worry about it, I would never let anything happen to you in my presence. Let’s go get a movie and go home.

♥ Love him… love his unending protection and security. I’ve never been so crazy about someone so marvelous in my whole life.

As for her? Someone’s getting a shiny restraining order and that denied unemployment I wasn’t going to contest? Yeah, I have two days left and nothing but motivation coursing through my pissed off veins.

Threaten me and you’ll learn what happens to bullies in the real world. She’s not my boss anymore, she’s nothing more than a pain in my ass that will be dealt with accordingly.

I just might sue them for wrongful termination at this point too. I’d washed my hands of that nightmare of mine, but if I’m going to have to deal with immature bullshit from someone EVERYONE hates- why not?

Excuse my tiara…

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4

Sweet Baby Jesus… this man will be the death of my single life.

I’ve worked a week straight and I’m happily tired but paying bills left and right, filling up the refrigerator AND!!!! my sweet mama hired someone to build me the garden fence to end all fences. It’s spectacular.

Life is beautiful- and my co-dependent nature has been unleashed. He texts me consistently. He compliments me constantly. He spoils me fucking rotten with genuine goodness.

My lovely daughter has been carving words into rocks all week. My mom loaned her a Dremel, and there are cute little love note rocks all over my house. She’s a crafty little off-shoot of me, and she’s on a mission to carve everything in sight. My dear boyfriend, who I’ve taken to referring to as Superman… showed up with the finest Dremel money can buy… complete with the fine detail extension thingy. He walked in smiling, begging me to not be mad.

S- Don’t be mad. She needs it.

J- Don’t spoil the baby. You don’t have to buy her anything, she’s going to like you just fine, because you’re a really good person. You don’t have to buy her a Dremel.

S- I’m not spoiling her, I’m encouraging her creativity.

The look on her face was priceless. Wide eyes. Silence. She walked over and hugged him.

R- Oh. My. WORD. Thank you… can I open it?

He opens it and sets her up and she’s a carving dynamo- laughing over the variable speed and rejoicing in her endless supply of diamond tips. He’s happy and smiling and kisses me goodbye, telling me… yet again.

S- You’re beautiful when you smile, and if I can make that happen all the time it only benefits me.

Yeah… he’s that guy. The one armed with nice words that he actually means. Finally my penchant for a sweet talker has landed me in heaven instead of hot water. He takes out the trash. He wants to fix my car. He helps the guys building my fence. This man is the best person I’ve ever met.

I had to work again and he offered to hang out with my daughter, but it’s still early on and she’s in carving bliss… so he goes and asks if it’s ok if he comes over a little before I get off work. He has a surprise for me.

I went to work, grinning at my happy reflection and embracing my new-found girlfriendness. I love being attached. I thrive in domestic partnership. I’m happiest when I have someone to care about- and he’s the most worthy man I’ve ever met.

Work is another slice of heaven. Happy customers and co-workers I adore. Compliments from the chef on my efforts as a server. I couldn’t love a job more if I were making six figures. Every day that I go to work, I pinch myself. At the old place I worked, if you needed help or asked for it, it was held against you as a personal failure. My boss was not helpful, regardless of the fact I was earning HIM money. He couldn’t be troubled to pause from texting to get out of your way, let alone help. He loves to stand next to you while you’re putting an order in and question you on all the tables in the room, without knowing if they’re your table or finished or whatever. It was a fucking nightmare. My new boss? Loves to help. They support us all wholeheartedly without question, and offer help whenever it gets busy or we get several tables at once.

I work with a smile on my face because I’m supporting a business that supports me… and what a difference it makes. I’m happy going to work. I don’t dread working with either of my bosses. They want to buy vegetables from me, because they’re smart and want to provide their customers with the best.

The biggest shock? My unemployment was denied from my old job because my SISTER told them I called my manager a cunt.

You know what? She is a cunt. That’s the gospel and they’re all full of shit if they don’t admit to saying and feeling the exact same way. To hear from the lady at unemployment that my SISTER was the one who took food out of a house her niece lives in? Deal breaker. I have nothing for her but contempt- and she can enjoy every suffering second of working with that cunt for the rest of time for all I care. She’s not welcome in our lives, and I can guarantee it’s a huge loss on her part. We’re thriving… while she’s still under the thumb of Miss Cunt Bag. More power to ya, sis- enjoy.

Me? I go to work looking lovely and clean. Dressed in black and surrounded by friends. Working with a group of people who are savvy professionals who know what management is. Blissed out while serving the best food in town. Amen.

I worked a slow shift last night, and counted the seconds until it was over purely because my dear Superman was cooking up some sort of surprise and the curiosity was killing me. I rushed home, excited to sink into the haven of the man I adore.

I drove in and the house was dark… and it was nearly 11 so I figured he may have fallen asleep.

Nope.

I opened the door and walked in to rose petals. I had to laugh a little… and followed the path to my room… where he’d recreated American Beauty on my bed. Thousands of pink petals (my favorite) candles burning everywhere and my sweet Superman… nearly asleep on my bed.

My God in heaven… I was speechless.

He grinned at me, sleepy quiet and happy to see me.

S- It seemed like a good idea but it was kinda cheesy after it was all said and done.

It’s not cheesy… it’s perfect. He’s amazing. I’m walking in from my first week at a new job that I love more than any job I’ve ever had, to the most amazing boyfriend I’ve ever heard of… and best of all?

He’s mine. ♥

I look back over the last month, in losing people I thought were my friends, in losing my closest sister, and a job I loathed working for people who couldn’t give a shit less about firing a single mom for taking dinner home and calling a spade a spade. I look at the douche bags who’ve used me to mop the floor and the stupid boys who would dare to fuck with the wordy princess. Nathan, Thomas… and good old James… I’ve really met my quota, and I’ve really offered my love to the wrong men.

But.

I found my Superman…. and I appreciate him like he deserves. I appreciate how amazing he is because I know what the other side of the coin looks like all too well. It’s one of those good old fashioned love stories… where the nice girl meets the nice guy and they live happily ever after.

Excuse my tiara… but when the perfect man insists you be treated like the princess you always wanted to be?

You smile, thank him graciously… and blow his damn mind with diamonds in your hair.

Forgive my slacking in blog-land… but I’m busy being the happiest I’ve ever been.

Fairytales do come true…

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6

They say “She who laughs, lasts”… hmmm… well all I have to say is I’m downright hysterical.

I found my forever. I know it when he looks at me. He sees me picking up something messy and moves to take it out of my hands. He carries heavy things for me. He pulled my trash can in from the end of the driveway…

He met my mom and my daughter today and they both liked him. Honestly he’s a lot like my ex-husband… as odd as that sounds. I actually told him…

J- You’re really going to get along with my kids’ dad.

R- Huh?

They have similar interests. They’re both rooted in a foundation of integrity. They both love a sweet set of subs and they could bond over paintball wars. They would be friends. My mom loved him. My baby girl got high centered on the mower, he helped her and she gave him the stamp of approval.

He doesn’t have his own children, but he was clearly born in the wrong century, just like me. He’s 6 years younger than me. He’s absolutely every bit of my type down to the letter, while being a true blue Ward Cleaver kinda perfect boyfriend. He opens every door for me, including to the car. He stands when I get up from the table. He walks on the outside of me. He holds my hands at the table. I’m sad my Grandpa didn’t meet him to see that I finally got it right.

I deserve every delicious ounce of this amazing man. Breakfast, lunch & dinner dates… a million laughs and sweet gentlemanly respect.

Anybody can be a hoarder. It takes a real man to be Superman.

He hugs me and I know he would kill anyone who would harm me with his bare hands. He’s silky smooth and shiny bald. He has perfectly manicured nails, a beautiful smile and eyes that sparkle at me. He even blushes sometimes when I grin at him.

I’m so happy I’m getting hit on by strangers.

I stopped at the gas station to get a soda and some change for my work bank and the guy behind the counter stood up a little straighter.

G- Well hello there miss, what can I get for you? Going somewhere fun?

J-Yep, work! Can you break this change for me?

G- Like you’re breakin’ hearts?

Uhh… awkward. He’s hot… but who the hell cares. Not me. I’ve come to the promised land and I have my very own Prince Charming. I left smiling, and flew to work. Walking in, one of the guys smiles at me and says…

T- You have a beautiful smile. Seriously- like you’re lit up from the inside. Thank you for bringing your pretty happy smile to work with you.

It’s because I am lit from the inside out and stupid crazy about the RIGHT guy for a change. OMG. Write it down.

Mid shift as I’m waiting for a table, he comes walking in with his mother. She’s wonderful, he’s smiling and I’m red as a raddish. He grins at me, blushes…

R- You look beautiful, how’s work?

Any man who compliments you in front of his mother is one worth bragging about, but this man is nothing short of worth rambling on and on about… obviously, lol. Watching him visit with his mom is right up there with seeing him holding a newborn baby. He’s a genuine gentleman and treats the women in his presence like they ought to be.

He tipped me $60 and told me to call him if he could help me with the garden the next day. All I could do was grin. He leaves me speechless- which is truly saying something for me.

This new life of mine is full of everything I ever wanted. A new job with a boss that treats me with respect, but also like a friend and she genuinely wants to know our opinions. My new co-workers are nothing short of a team of new girlfriends/sisters. I know now, just how horrible my last job was- and more than anything? What an asshole my old boss was. I’ll never let some pipsqueak chauvinist control my financial stability EVER again and I’m sorely tempted to send them a thank you letter for not wasting another minute of my time helping people who don’t appreciate the backs their business is built on.

Never. Again.

I’ll never date an asshole either, never another douche bag. I’ll never be cheated on again.

I far prefer this fairytale princess gig I’ve got going these days. I like being treated like a lady, both by the man in my life and equally as much by the people I’m working for. Miss Faith, a dear friend of mine and co-worker, smiled at me yesterday and said…

F- You’ve come so far. You’re not apologizing for everything anymore. You aren’t running around trying to accommodate everyone at your expense and you are living the life you want, doing the things you need to change your life for the better and look? It’s obvious, and you are much happier. I’m really proud of you.

True story.

When I stopped trying to keep the world happy and I changed the things in my own life that made me sad?

I woke up to my very own fairytale, complete with my very own Prince Charming.

Make wishes on stars, pray for the things you really want… but most of all? Have faith in yourself and DO SOMETHING about the things that make you miserable. Even baby steps add up, and after a while? You’ll be running miles in the life you always wanted.

Ten inches off the ground

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2

I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. A month ago I was scared to death, pissed off and on the damn warpath. Washing my hands of the worst parts of my life and the people that made it harder.

Pausing. Gardening. Breathing.

Finding happiness in being alone. Swimming in solitude and realizing that I like my own company and being alone doesn’t have to equate to being lonely.

Burning a few douche bags & whores at the stake, and deservedly so. I don’t have time in my life for people who don’t give a shit about their character, honor and self respect. If someone doesn’t give a shit about their own personal worth? Why on earth would I? How on earth can anyone?

I’m worth so much more than a vagina hoarder or a Thomas Murray. I don’t like mice… why would I ever try to love one- or worse, think I could change a rodent into a man?

While I have a broad skill base- I don’t have a magic wand, and if I did? I wouldn’t waste it on a douche bag.

I washed the smell of hoarder off my hands and met a brand new girlfriend in the process. We bleached our hands together- and laughed when we realized that ultimately the Karma fairy is a funny woman, because in feeling betrayed you see a whole lot clearer than you do when you’re blinded by charm… or bullshit. We’re a lot alike <shocker, lol> and it’s going to be fun spending time with a new girlfriend.

So she lost a cheating boyfriend, and I lost a friend. The two of them deserve each other and my new girlfriend and I deserve better. It would have been sad if it hadn’t happened. The Karma fairy finally put her foot down and set us both free. Phew. Clever bitch that she is? She gave them the ultimate punishment. Each other. Lol…

But it gets even better. As it does when you’re striving to live your life well and trying to find peace in yourself instead of in any outside force or vice. I forced myself to stop and change everything. New job. Bike rides after dinner. Time spent in the garden and knitting. Getting rid of the excess garbage in my life, including people.

and I finally agreed to a date with my girlfriend’s brother… and was absolutely stunned by the most amazingly thoughtful man I’ve ever met, as a result.

He’s not just a little nice- he’s damn amazing.

I deleted all my internet dating profiles. I closed my little black book and threw it away.

I changed my relationship status on Facebook… and we all know it’s legit once that happens- because it’s damn hard to take that shit back.

He’s a male version of me. He’s thoughtful and offers to help me, compliments me and spoils me rotten with kindness. He calls to ask if I need anything from the grocery store- offers to drop off anything if my daughter needs it while I”m at work. I’m still at work after 11 last night and he offers to come over. I’m exhausted… but I’m also dying to see him. I tell him I have an hour before I’ll be out cold… and he laughs at me and tells me he’s just happy to see me.

I’m falling asleep when he comes in- and I don’t have the energy to fake it. I have on the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever seen. My pink cupcake sweats, my “I’m on the naughty list” t-shirt and polka dot socks. I’m weary and yawning.

He walks in like the angel he is in my life. He brought another movie for me to watch if I’m exhausted the next day. He climbs on my bed and pulls me into his lap, laying my head on his leg while he massages my back- asking how my first night was.

I’m sleepy rambling about how much I love my new job, my coworkers… and just being treated like an adult in general. A whole different level of respect and actual management with a solid team of people all determined to work together to make it as good as it can be. His hands are running strong soothing paths down my spine. My sore muscles are melting back into squishy goodness as he asks me questions and tells me about his day. He’s easing the stress in my body while being emotionally supportive? I’m counting my lucky stars, and telling him just how thankful for him I am…and I fall asleep.

I woke up this morning, tucked in with a love note, feeling bad about falling asleep on him and thankful that he exists.

I promised myself I wouldn’t date. I climbed out of the pool…

But I’d be a damn fool if I didn’t do my best to be equally as wonderful to him as he is to me.

Life is looking pretty damn spectacular these days.

The Karma Fairy can be pretty damn amazing when she wants to be, and when you deserve it.

Like a hate song…

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1

It’s not very often you get to sing along while you read a hate blog… right?

Let’s just call this a special occasion, celebrating a new contributor who wishes to remain anonymous.

Everyone knows you reap what you sow… but you might as well sing while you’re reaping.

I hate you like a hate song
It’s been said and done every ugly thoughts been already sung and i guess right now here’s another one so your melody will play on and on with the worst of em’ ….
You are ugly like a  douche come alive in reality… a loser, a liar, it’s a miracle…
That you’re still alive today…
…and i want you to know BABY…

Chorus:
I, I hate you like a hate song like a hate song baby…
I .. I hate you like a hate song baby,
I..I hate you like a hate song baby…
and I wish you the worst, worst, worst, worst, worst.
I , I hate you like a hate song baby
I, I hate you like a hate song baby…
I, I hate you like a hate song baby.
and I wish you the worst, worst, worst, worst, worst.

Constantly, boy you played with my heart like a psychopath…
There’s no way to describe your depravity.
You just mess with me. That’s your move?
And it feels like I’ve been rescued. I’ve been set free.
I was hypnotized, by  dishonesty-
You’re despicable, horrible, miserable…
You are.
And I want you to know baby…

…Chorus…

Noone compares, you stand alone- to every douche bag I’ve known.
Music to my heart, that’s what stats are-
A number that climbs on…. and on…

…Chorus…

Oh my… now that THAT is a Disney channel hit I can get behind.

:)