30 Days of Truth, Day 15

Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

The person in my life who is missing would not appreciate being the topic, so I’m taking the easy street on this one.

I tried living without one boob for about 3 years. I’m not sure what happened, but I was getting in the shower one morning, looked down and realized that I’d ruptured my left breast implant.

Shock, horror, tears… it all happens in that moment… then you get in the shower and move on with life. I couldn’t afford to fix them at the time, and I was serving every night so having one boob wasn’t an option.

Let me define what I mean by having one boob. I had one perfect, saline filled DD, and one very empty, sad B. I became quite skilled at balancing them out in a bra, and honestly didn’t think twice about it at the time because I had SO many other things to deal with.

I didn’t care, if I’m going to be completely honest. They’d breastfed all three of my babies to great success and their purpose had been filled. My vanity had evaporated somewhere in between the Dumpling being born and turning 2. Hours in court fighting over that same baby had given me a sour taste in my mouth towards men. The only reason I’d ever consider touching one again was that I didn’t want my ex to be the last.

and then Mr. Perfection came home to visit… and I very much wanted to unwrap him.

So I did.

Now, vanity is a fickle bitch. Just when you think she’s long gone, she shows back up with a vengeance. It doesn’t help that he’s a decade younger and doesn’t have children. The more clothes I pulled on over my head, the more he unbuttoned and unlaced them.

P- Hey, take these off…

J- All of them?

P- Yes please…  I want you naked.

Well, shit. All the planning in the world couldn’t save me from that. In tossing off my pride and panties, I made a mental note to call my surgeon and schedule an appointment to pick up a new set.

I didn’t need anything fancy…. just two of them. I picked them up in January and that empty boob is now a large, painful one. I’m confident it will heal in a couple more months, but it’s a humbling thing to realize that I traded feeling 100% for vanity.

…………But the next time I’m in that moment and he tells me to take my clothes off, I won’t be hiding in a panic over it.

I’ll be breaking out my shiny new stripper pole to put these bad boys to work. 🙂

vanity

30 Days of Truth, Day 7

grateful

Day 7 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This is easy.

I gave birth to her about nineteen years ago and she is the glue that holds our entire family together.

My Little Red.

She’s her mama’s pride and joy, her Grandma’s favorite and flames on feet. She’s more co-parent than sibling and is spreading her lovely wings into the bright future she’s worked tirelessly to create. She takes her day off to surprise me with a visit.

She’s my true North. My Eastern star. My compass, level and filter.

She’s the vault that keeps my secrets and the hug that reminds me why I refuse to quit trying again after failing a million times. She’s my biggest cheerleader and I envy anyone playing against me. I’m absolutely certain that I can’t fail because she’s in my corner.

She threw me a surprise birthday party when I turned 40, she coached me through delivering her little sister in the bathtub at home and is the first to remind me that I’m a good mom.

I don’t know how I ever got so lucky, but I count her first and last when I’m counting blessings or giving thanks. There have been years that she was the only good thing in my life and a few that I wouldn’t have made it through, without her.

She sets a stellar example for her siblings and gives her time to making sure they know she’s there with love and guidance. She’s working a great job and thriving in the safety of a healthy relationship with a wonderful gentleman.

I made her… but she makes me who I am most proud to be.

Her mom.