Terrible Glitter

The writing prompt: From episode #47 Nathan finds the courage to come out to his very religious parents. He said “And lo and behold I just like threw some glitter in their faces like change of plans, bitch!” Where could your life use some of this glitter-blowing moxie? Whose face could use a little extra shimmer? What change of plans would you make if you had a handful of glitter to blow in someone’s face? #TerribleWritingClub

Well, hell. Why leave anything on the table? This Terrible Writing Club is like fast tracking ten years of therapy into a week.

In a most difficult month, if I had a handful of glitter to blow, I’d throw it in my own face. 

Somehow, regardless of countless, painful lessons… I always manage to want the one man in the room that doesn’t want me. I’ve taken the lazy way out of dealing with it by chalking it up to self preservation and my defense of my beloved single life. I am well aware that I am still just choosing people that remind me I’m not worth more. Call it daddy issues if you’d like, because it’s pretty text book and the thing I hate most about myself.

The latest ache in my heart is my very own successful attempt at one-upping my disappointment in men. If my very favorite man makes me feel disposable, I’m awfully inclined to hate them all. I’m disenchanted and disappointed because I did this to myself.

When I blatantly ignored the painful lessons I’ve already learned the hard way, I was asking for a cold reminder. I got one. Shocker.

So yeah… pass me the glitter or just throw the whole damn jar at me. I could use a solid smack in the head and sparkling on a day I feel like crying sure wouldn’t suck, either. 

Terribly Empathetic

Quote from Nora, episode #49 “Sometimes I think the hidden key to empathy is just humility and curiosity. It’s just saying, hmm, I don’t get that… tell me more?” Write about your empathy. Where do you struggle to feel empathetic? To yourself? To someone who gets under your skin? What comes easy to you where empathy is concerned? #TerribleWritingClub

My beloved Grandma Elaine was the source of this overabundance of empathy. She cried at every commercial. She hugged every stranger. She taught us all to love every single person that crossed our path and celebrate every minute of the day. She gave us a shining example of the joy that comes from investing your heart in everything and everyone. Oh and the sorrow… because she grieved the loss of everything. From a dish that was a gift once upon a time, to her beloved mama, whose passing she grieved EVERY day. My Grandma was the best version of love I’ve ever seen and I’m quite a bit like her. 

Some of my best friends have lost their furry children in the past week. Long-standing animal friends that have been part of every Easter party and camping trip since the beginning of time. I can hardly even think about Nikita Webster, my favorite pitbull… being gone. I had to call my dear Ruby and cry with her about it. I can feel her pain and I wish so much I could ease it. Same goes for Burton Newlove. My shih tzu nephew. I can’t remember a time he wasn’t around and my best friend became a mother when she adopted him. He was her first born and my heart is broken alongside hers. I had to hold my breath while the phone rang when I called her, because I didn’t even know where to begin to comfort her poor heart. 

I take on every bit of pain from the people I love. It’s just my way. I’m absolutely the friend you want sitting beside you in a shitty situation, because I’ll cry the tears you can’t and fight the wars you won’t. 

I’m the one that will help you bury the body. #sorrynotsorry

The same goes for the high points in life. New love, weddings, babies… I treasure that shit. I celebrate my friends’ good days as much as my own. Miss Lovely is swimming in new love and it’s fabulous! I can feel her nervous hesitation too, and do my part to talk her out of  her brakes. It’s a safe place to hit the gas and I’m also the friend that talks you into having faith in love. Life is short and love is grand. Go for it. It’s worth the gamble and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be there right beside her until it does.

Aside from a handful of assholes, I feel empathetic towards everyone. I treasure people who believe differently than me because they teach me new things. I’ve gotten comfortable making friends out of past enemies and I don’t hold many grudges anymore. Everyone has their own struggle and you can’t ever assume you know how hard it is by the smile on someone’s face. I’m really good at smiling through suffering and I recognize it in other people as well. 

Tis the season to be a nice person and consider other people before yourself. Empathy doesn’t cost a thing. Gift that. Spread that shit around. ♥