30 Days of Truth, Day 13

Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Taylor Swift,

I hate country music. Bone deep, hate it. I work with someone who likes it and I’ve recently been subjected to him singing it, out loud. I’m positive my ears are bleeding while he laughs and makes the most atrocious music, worse.

But.

Once upon a super dark time, I had another coworker/friend that loved you. My home life was in shambles, I was pregnant with the Dumpling, waiting tables at night and farming all day. It wasn’t the easiest times, to say the least.

Never in a million years did I think I’d look back and remember a few of your songs, fondly.

I’d walk in a half hour early to work, to hear him screeching and you screaming alongside him. It put a smile on my face, something I wasn’t able to do myself.

He’d turn it up until we got in trouble for you shaking the walls with the latest heartbreak we all could relate to. I hated him for my being able to silently sing along… but when the shit hit the fan and I was left holding the broken pieces of the bright future I thought I was building…

There you were.

With those same sad songs that tortured me into laughing during some of the scariest, darkest hours of my life.

Thank you… for the late nights I cried over and the early mornings you sang us both awake and laughing. I never thought I’d say it… but I adore you and appreciate the many times you reminded me to sing instead of cry..

xoxo J

 

30 Days of Truth, Day 11

Day 11 — Something people seem to always compliment you on.

I smile a lot, and was blessed with my Grandma’s pretty green eyes, two things I’m frequently complimented for, but one of the most bizarre things that I’ve received a million compliments on is:

My ability to cry.

Weird, right?

I’m not exactly thrilled about that, and it goes without saying that I don’t enjoy being sad. I’ve learned that hidden feelings only turn into bad choices and hangovers, so you may as well cry about it and move on, instead.

I’m sweetly sensitive in that I share everyone’s emotions. I cry with people leaving loved ones at the airport… because I hate doing that. I cry when someone does something thoughtful for me because I’m truly grateful for the people in my life who love me. I’m a bit of a crybaby. I just never knew it would be considered a blessing to be an extreme empath.

I also get complimented regularly for not being jaded or for not having given up on love, regardless of the reasons to support my feeling otherwise. I’m a little awkward about that one. It’s sort of like telling someone:

“Good for you, you still want to climb back into the same place you got attacked by that shark. I would never do that, but it’s cool to see someone that will!”

I’ve seen love in my life so I know it exists. I also know a million lazy couples who don’t care about offering each other what’s wanted or needed. I want more than that. If more than that doesn’t exist then I’m far happier alone than I am with the wrong person, or someone who doesn’t want me. Something happens when you’re more used to being disappointed than not.

You learn to make yourself happy, in the best ways. Or new ways. Or any damn way at all that works. Kisses aren’t contracts and love has a way of going down in mid flight, so let yourself feel it all while you get to.

Be sad.

Be happy.

Cry, laugh and scream with all the passion you deserve to feel, because life is too short to care about what other people think. Take those compliments and use them to fuel the fire of making your dreams come to life. You only take away the feelings you’re left with, so wrap both of your arms around every choice you make and feel it all.

Go ahead and cry about it. It hurts sometimes but it also clears your soul and comforts your heart. People even think it’s some sort of superpower these days, so put your cape on and fly off into that emotionally healthy future of yours.

Emotions are the breadcrumbs that lead us to happiness. Even the waterlogged, swollen-faced, nightmare days. Tears can wash the worst mistakes away.

Sometimes crying does in fact, makes it clean.

cry