Category Archives: Truth

Phew… ouch.

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I climbed back in bed yesterday and pulled the covers over my head…. desperate to get away from the reality of what I’d seen the night before. Absolutely tempted to bleach my eyeballs.

But it hurt bad enough already- and with the friends I’ve got? It’s only a matter of time before it happens again.

I choose to remove myself, instead.

Watching my best friends fuck the guy who absolutely broke my heart? Horrible. Absolute torture. I can get past a lot… but not that. Loyalty isn’t negotiable with me, and I cut people out of my life like cancer if their actions are less than genuine.

That whole “screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me” thing? No. When it comes to me,  “screw him once and you’re dead to me”. Cut and dried, because that’s how it is.

When your friend has been through hell with a guy… when she still flinches at the sight of him… and when you’ve seen it repeatedly and heard her cry about it? Yeah… no. I don’t care if he’s Brad Pitt. I love me some Taye Diggs- but I’d shut the door in his beautiful face if he were “that” guy to any of my friends.

Thou shalt not fuck the guy who fucked with your girlfriend. It’s just that simple to me and if I have a friend that doesn’t feel that way? It wont be for long.

But…

Like any open wound, even cutting something out of your life that isn’t healthy- still hurts, horribly.

I loved her like a sister. I confided in her… about him especially. My daughter loved her. Being hit with it and watching him smile at me when he realized I put 2 & 2 together? Nauseating… positively sickening.

But…

It’s temporary. She’s in for it, that’s for sure. At least she knows after listening to me cry about him. The difference being I wont be there when she’s on the receiving end of his lackluster betrayal.

One of my very closest friends showed up last night to pull me out of my misery. As I dissolved in front of her, she put her hands out and offered me real friendship when I needed it most.

♥- I understand exactly where you’re at. He pays attention. He listens. My one date with him was amazing.

She started to detail their date and I started to choke on my own pain because it’s so familiar.

Ultimately I’m off the hook. I never have to see either of them again. I can eliminate the problem, the mutual space and the friends of mine that disregard my feelings.

I’m changing the things I can, while having the wisdom to throw the rest of his bullshit in the fire.

I’m drawing a line in the sand. Out loud. You’re either with me, or against me. You’re either with him, or me. I have the most amazing girlfriends in my life- I don’t have room, time or inclination to keep anyone who would entertain the idea of disrespecting me or stand idly by while someone else does. You are what you eat. Act like it.

Oh? You want to play STD roulette with the hoarder? Huh. By all means, enjoy- and sorry about your bad luck. I’m a much better friend and a far more formidable enemy.

Relax. You’ll never have to worry about me jumping a fence to crash your date. You want that? Have that. Bag it up though… because if you thought mice were dirty…

Not only will I not demean myself by forcing him to acknowledge how much he’s hurt me? I wont give anyone a second thought who would give him a moment of their time.

So the next time your kids are sick, or you are? Call him. See what happens.

The next time you need a ride home, to work, or need to cry about your bad day? Call him.

Hungry? Sad? Lonely and crying the PMS blues? Oh please… if you ever loved me…

Call the hoarder and experience for yourself what it feels like on the dark side of the moon.

He didn’t answer? Your best friend is smiling sweetly at him instead of at you? You can’t believe what you’re seeing?

Weird.

Oh and good luck- you’ll need it.

Well that and antibiotics. lol… and I hope every single tablet sticks in your throat a little to remind you of the high cost of being a whore of a friend.

Oh and may peace be with you, because you may as well have peace if you don’t have class.

Put it on LOCK.

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My dear Sober One Kenobe has her bases covered. This is the women we need to takes notes from.

She’s got her very own prince, Mr. Man Card- wrapped tightly around her beautiful fingers, and she’s tried her best to help me.

MSOK- Jennifer. Give me your phone. If you want him? You need to ignore him. Don’t respond. Make him wait. Make him think. Play him like he plays you and he’ll be all yours. Jeez, put it on lock already.

Obviously I did not take her advice, lol…

MSOK- I told you and you didn’t listen.

J- I know… sorry.

MSOK- Don’t feel bad, you just got out-stalked. Thank GOD. You need your own Man Card- he loves me and respects my feelings. I can tell him when I feel bad and he ALWAYS listens and he ALWAYS makes an effort to fix what he can.

He does too. He baby-talks to her in front of his friends. He’s absolutely confident in the way he feels about her… and my dear friend can be quite the pain in the ass when she wants to be.

He wouldn’t have it any other way. She gets her sassy self going and he can’t help but smile at her. They’re my favorite couple to hang out with- and one of only two couples I’ve ever met that obviously belong together.

I can’t imagine one without the other- and when he’s gone more than six hours, she misses him. She’s spent the night at my house and he comes to get her the next day, visibly tired- because he can’t sleep without her.

It’s so sweet it makes your teeth hurt, and it’s a really nice reminder of what it’s supposed to be like when you’re with the right person.

He’s supposed to care when you’re pissed off- even if it’s trivial. There are downsides to loving a firecracker laced hurricane… but they don’t come anywhere near the benefits.

She’s supposed to stay up all night taking care of you when you’re sick. She would go to the ends of the earth for him.

They’re like wasabi and soy sauce. Delightful alone- but amazing together.

I had dinner with them the other night after I got my new job. He was cooking, she was in the kitchen. He kisses her when he walks by her. She puts her dinner down to help him do dishes so that he’s not doing them alone. They’re thoughtful of each other and it’s why it’s so good.

It’s the key- without question. They have a mutual respect that is woven through every fiber of their relationship.

My dear daughter said it best the other day…

R- Aunt Kenobe is so lucky. She found her Mr. Right, and he’s so lucky because he found her. Has he proposed yet? When is that flash mob anyway?

Even the baby knows.

Two of my best friends, who set such a genuine example for the rest of us single folks who keep getting it wrong… it does work sometimes. It does exist and it is absolutely worth holding out for.

It’s a wonderful thing when the right people end up together. ♥ I love them both for the laughs and the example they set by loving each other, outspokenly.

A public display of a successful relationship and just when I thought they only happened in Disney movies.

It might not happen every day, and we all certainly have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince… but every once in a while?

It’s a good old fashioned fairytale, right from the beginning.

Mommy

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When it comes to nicknames, I have many.

Lady, Blondie, Tits McGhee, Jen-Dog, The J Train, Blogoddess, and well… Hateful bitch.

They all have a time and a place, but one word reminds me of who I really am. One is timeless and puts an instant smile on my face.

Mommy.

I still call my own mother, “Mommy” once in a while. She smiles too.

It’s that tender plea for love from the woman responsible for your knowing how valuable love is.

She from whence you came. She who taught you everything you needed to know to make your life as happy as she hopes it will be from the moment she knew you were destined to be her baby.

My mother is truly the finest woman I know, and she armed me to the teeth with skills. We had the best conversation yesterday.

M- Honey, maybe I made it hard for you to have a man in your life. I worry about that.

J- What? Are you crazy?

M- We were always so happy and if we needed anything, we figured out how to do, get or be- on our own. I taught you to rely on yourself and I want you to be able to ask for help too. I want you to be taken care of too.

J- That’s the beauty of it Mommy- you taught me to take care of the little details so that the man in my life will have to be so much more than a oil changing, hammer toting chore factory.

My mother taught me an an early age, how very valuable I am.

He has to be funny because I learned to be funny as a kid. He has to work hard, because I was raised by the hardest worker I’ve ever seen. He has to adore me, because I grew up with love spilling out everywhere around us. He can’t buy my love- because I learned at an early age that love is given freely and without expectation. He can’t lie- because I was taught to tell the truth.

M- I know it’s been a hard month. I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself and I’m SO proud to be your mom. You’re so talented and I am so proud that you didn’t give in to a bunch of bullies. You had enough faith in yourself to raise your head and walk out with a smile on your face with the weight of the world on your shoulders. I didn’t like what that job was doing to you and you are a different person being away from it. It’s all over your beautiful face. I am so proud of you, I’m so happy for you, and I love you so much.

Yep. There she is. My mommy. Saying all the things I need to hear in my hour of panicked need, while I was second guessing myself and eying the jar of change in my bedroom, wondering about yard sales, bills that are piling up and a refrigerator that’s emptying.

Coming in from the garden and finding a bag of groceries on the counter. All my favorite things- and a note that says “I love you, Mom”

I sat down and looked at the brown paper bag full of love from my mommy. Organic everything- because she’s like that. The Greek yogurt that tastes better than ice cream. The love she gives is love that answers the needs in your heart and silences the worries in your mind. There were lettuce, carrot & beet seeds in the bottom.

She who knows you so well she can anticipate the desires you don’t express.

I went back out and planted until dark with an ice cold beer and a handful of carrots… a smile on my face where I’d previously been worried. Knowing, yet again, and because of her- that everything will be ok.

My entire body hurts and the garden is kicking my ass just as it always does in the early phases. It’s a giant flower this year- why not? I fell asleep watching a movie with my little red, knowing it was all going to be ok, no matter what.

Only to wake up to the finest example I can imagine.

I rolled over to see my little angel standing there, with a huge grin on her face, holding a bag. I shook my head and cleared my throat, rubbed my eyes and eased my aching body up to sit in bed and see what this little sweetheart was holding.

R- Happy Mother’s Day. Don’t be mad- I went to the gas station and got you something, but I was totally safe. I wore my helmet and I made sure all the cars stopped before I crossed the road.

I peek in the bag and it’s all my favorite things. Diet Pepsi. A blueberry muffin. Sunflower seeds. Reese’s Peanut Butter cups.

The look on her face was priceless. She was waiting with baited breath for my reaction. So excited and so hopeful that she’d succeeded in her early morning quest. I may have made a trillion mistakes, but I did something right with this amazing child.

I started to cry and she started to laugh.

R- I love you so much mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

It’s a hard day. I probably wont hear from my darling son who despises me. I’ve been really sad about it, but at this point I have nothing else to do but respect that he wants to be distant. I gave him life and all the tools he needs to make it happy. I gave him years of homemade Halloween costumes and lessons in the kitchen. I miss him constantly- but I’m human and need respect too. Love isn’t conditional in my life so if I have to love him from a distance- so be it. I spent two years being estranged from my mom and they were the longest two years of my life.

Everybody needs their mommy. Even me. Even you. Especially him. I’m sad for him that he’s chosen otherwise, but at the end of the day- I’m still his mom. I still worry. I still lie awake at night and hope he’s warm and fed and safe. I always will.

Life is short and time is fleeting. Call your mom and tell her you love her…. and mean it. You never know when you might not have her anymore and when the whole world goes out?

Mom is always right there, standing with her arms outstretched and waiting to remind you of who you really are.

Happy Mothers Day to everyone, whether you have human babies or fur babies or a mom like mine. It’s a wonderful opportunity to be thankful.

♥

Sorry about your bad luck…

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I’m fed up with stupid people. I’m annoyed by idiots.

More than anything? I’m inconvenienced by the ignorant and I’m frustrated enough to vent a little.

I’m blissfully happy these days. Drowning in domestic bliss and completely sunburned from hours in the dirt and doing facials with my daughter and her best friend after their school dance.

Pizza and giggles. Aunt MSOK came over to do her hair magic and the two of us giggled in the middle of my acre of dirt. Holy shit it’s huge. She loves my design. I love her.

Life is made so much better by the friends that mean the most. She’s more than my friend, she’s my sister. She knows everything there is to know… even the big stuff. Even the stuff you don’t tell anyone…. and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I drive her insane whining about the same guy, and she works overtime to listen and burn his bridges to the ground- with truth.

Life is about spending it with people that love you, not people that judge you. I don’t have time for anyone who chooses to wear their judgy panties. No time at all… those bitches can hang out with the hoarders. They deserve each other.

That said. I’m about to get a little mad and a lot honest.

To my single friends. It’s very simple if you want to keep him/her.. It’s all about making them wonder if you like them or not. That’s all it is. Don’t respond to phone calls or texts. Don’t have sex with him or her. Torture them with your feigned disinterest based indecision… and wa-la! They’re all yours.  Yeah… fuck that tragic bit of post-highschool histrionics. I like sharks. I like men who see something they want and actively pursue it. I like men that value having exclusive rights. In other words… we have to play the crazy manipulative stalker card or we lose? No. Give me a skilled hunter gatherer, thanks.

Anytime, anywhere… as a woman… when you’re treated like a cheap paper napkin from the KFC drive-through? It hurts.When your sensitive lightweight napkin self has to continually float through his presence… it’s even worse. The moral of the story? If he treats you like a shitty napkin… look at him for the disease carrying controlled substance he is/should be. Wash your hands… with bleach. Pour the rest of the gallon in the bathtub and climb in. Sorry about your bad luck- you should have listened to that snake charmer story more closely…. because you’ve officially been charmed… by a snake. Until it’s on Facebook? It’s not real. Sorry about your bad luck again- if you’re not given the public nod? It’s because there are other women on his FB that he bangs… or wants to.

To the lady at the gas station, bank, bar, grocery store…etc… that hates me because I’m thinner, prettier, etc…than them. Fuck you. I was 265 lbs at my heaviest and I worked my ass off LITERALLY. I’d like to get back down to my goal weight because I enjoy the attention. So there. That’s honest. Wanna be hotter? Lose weight. Wanna open a new page on the menu? Don’t eat dessert, don’t have a drink and run to the grocery store instead of drive.

Nobody said it didn’t suck- and trust me, you’ll end up hating those naturally skinny bitches ten times more. Think about it though. They’re sober, exhausted and they date the worst of the worst of the douche bags because the GQ model guys are the biggest assholes of all time. Popped collar? No. In fact I think I threw up in my mouth a little just typing that. Beyond all that, don’t be a bitch. Don’t glare at me because you’re jealous. Sorry about your bad luck, try harder and FYI- Haterade is high in calories. Kick the habit, or better yet? Love yourself enough that you don’t have to hate anyone else because you don’t. Fix it or flaunt it- or fuck right off.

To my unhappily married friends… where do I even begin… oh I know. Leave each other the fuck alone. The rest of us are tired of hearing you bitch about it. Sorry it didn’t work out, sorry you hate each other now SHUT THE FUCK UP and break up already. Sorry he cheated, sorry you did, sorry you both ARE. I DON’T CARE!!! I shovel my own snow. I haul my own trash. I manage. I don’t love it and I’d love to be some spoiled chick with auto start and a heated driveway- but I’m not. So I shut up and do it. The same goes for marriage. If you signed on for eternal financial security and sex on demand- QUIT BITCHING. If you don’t want to sign on anymore, then sign the fuck out. It’s that simple. If you’re torturing each other you are wasting years of your lives being unhappy. More than that? You’re torturing the fuck out of everyone around you. Spare us if you don’t give a shit enough about yourselves anymore. Don’t fool yourself- we all think of ways to avoid hanging out with you because of it. Sorry about your bad luck, call a divorce attorney and end your marriage before your friends DIVORCE you. We’re over it.

To the shitty bosses… and really? Nothing is more disappointing. You miss spelling bees, dance recitals and your baby losing a tooth- only for the tooth fairy to have to fly to Grandma’s. You miss priceless moments in your life for these assholes and it doesn’t mean a thing. You’re the means to an end and just another name on the payroll. If you never came to work again, they wouldn’t notice. The hypocritical men and women that abuse the power they hold in being able to decimate your financial security. The boss that gossips and talks about the weight of his employees. The one that closes his eyes to it all. The one that is an overpowered monster and looks for your vulnerabilities.  The one who propositions you sexually. The one that drinks on the job. The one that makes everything worse when he’s on the floor. The one that hits on the customers. The one that doesn’t respect you enough to move out of your way. We’ve all had one. We all know “that” guy.

I’m sorry about your bad luck, it’s the social network/blog age and if you don’t treat people kindly or with some modicum of respect? They can have an opinion about that could make you look like the…well… jerk you are. As they say- opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Unfortunately for the bad guys? Opinions are a lot louder now than they used to be. Fortunately- there’s a very simple way to solve all this. Be kind. Be appreciative. Be understanding and be considerate of how your choices affect the lives of others. Be thankful for the people who make your dreams come true, because in the end it wont matter how much money you made- it will matter what kind of character you built.

Come on… be less annoying and be more happy. ♥ Happy beats being pissed off, every time.