Grateful

It’s been a really good year for me. In the grand scheme of things, this is that year that life changed. I have a job I love, working with dear friends. I’m appreciated, rewarded and given as much freedom as I need to make motherhood a priority over employment. ♥

My garden was a complete failure this year, for the first time in my life. Nothing did well, with the exception of the water company. The small amount of tomatoes ended up costing about $90 a pound and are currently going bad because I’m too busy to deal with them. I still enjoyed growing them. It was still beautiful and taught me that it’s time for a break. I’m recognizing that working full time and growing an acre of vegetables is JUST. NOT. POSSIBLE. It’s ok to admit defeat and buy veggies from a farmer friend at the market. I’m grateful I have so many friends who will keep the torch burning while I simplify.  ♥

Little Red moved into her own place and became my very best friend in the whole world. Nobody makes me laugh harder, nobody has advice nearly as fierce as hers, and not a soul on the planet inspires me more than my fiery girl. Watching her run a household is fantastic, and hearing regular thanks for all the years of dinners I cooked, sure doesn’t suck. I’m so grateful for her. ♥

The Dumpling is too little to understand how much she completes our family. She’s funny and independent, but still wanders out regularly for a hug. She’s our loving little hurricane. As she gets older, she asks more questions about her big brother and cries big tears about missing him. I know they’ll be close someday because she loves him so much, sight unseen. She is horrified by litter, will yell at anyone if she sees their animal left in the car (regardless of their age) and asks me to buckle her baby doll in with a seatbelt when we take her in the car. She’s extra, and we are so grateful she’s ours. ♥

My sister the Unicorn has become my long distance drinking partner and greatest confidant. She’s the keeper of the secrets. If anything ever happens to me, ask the Unicorn. She knows the fine print and encourages the hell out of me. My dad wasn’t present, but he sure gave me the world in my siblings. There aren’t words to express how lost I’d be without her and how grateful I am that she’s only a call away. ♥

This may shock a few of you. I’ve grown to be really great friends with my Baby Daddy this year. Things ended horribly in a fog of postpartum depression and heartache and things have been pleasant for the last few years, but it’s never been legitimately better since things ended. I made a decision this year that I was going to return any kindness he gave me, twofold. It only made him nicer and kinder and things more wonderful for everyone involved. I called to sing Happy Birthday to him last week and we had a great chat. He’s the greatest guy and I’m really grateful that he’s her Daddy and my friend. We’ve come a long way and I’m proud of us. ♥

I have a best friend like none other. She can say the stuff to me that I need to hear. Miss Fancy is as key to my sanity as wine. I recently tried to sugarcoat a questionable decision I’d made and she stopped me dead in my tracks before I wasted any time trying to justify it as anything other than what it was. I can’t fool her and she gives me it to me straight and still loves me when I cry over it anyway. I could never have raised the Dumpling alone without her help and guidance and I am so grateful that she loves me as much as I love her. Everyone needs a best & she’s mine. ♥

I’m oddly grateful to Mr. Perfection, too. I’d contemplated a dozen cats and a butch haircut and then he was here in all his deliciousness. Bless his cheatin’ heart, he reminded me how much I really love sex and absolutely did NOT want to be a cat lady. I could have done without the broken heart, but hey, c’est la vie. We’re good. ♥

Without Perfection, I never would have rolled those dice with Incredicock and good Lord that would be a tragedy. I’m really grateful for the carnal knowledge I possess as a result of letting myself off the hook for a change. I’m a people pleaser and I hold myself to a few cardinal rules that I don’t break. I broke them all this time and whaddyaknow… it was worth it. No harm sex without strings or drama. No constant barrage of text messages or phone calls. Sexual warfare and a whole new list of favorites. He does exist and I’m damn grateful for the pleasure(s) and the rich fantasy life he inspires both in and out of his presence. Wanting him is enough inspiration to wake me up before the sun and you know it works a little too well when you can knock out an orgasm just saying his name. It’s hot. I’m very grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving, loves ♥ I hope you are surrounded by all the people & things you love most, today and always. 

Nope.

It’s a ground zero day in my life.

We all have them.

The day you got divorced, the day your Dad died, the day you found out your spouse was unfaithful. I guess it’s better to know it’s one of those awful-but-noteworthy days. The worst of them are usually a horrible surprise, so I’m trying to be grateful that I’m aware of what’s ahead.

Better to be able to plan for the worst and hope my worries are unfounded and overblown. Yeah right. I immediately started to panic and overthink every last detail.

Down to which underwear I should wear, because clearly THAT matters. It’s a confidence thing, don’t judge. At any rate, I was standing in a sea of black dresses, pants and panties last night, when my phone started shouting YUMMY at me. I can’t recommend this text tone enough. I honestly don’t rush to read them and I could only be happier if he sent me each letter, individually. I asked him for help choosing something to wear for this fun time.

I- Let me see you in both and I’ll tell you which one is better.

Nothing about this man makes me want to put clothes on. If anything, he inspires me to plan my wardrobe choices around his weaknesses.

I piled the mountain of black clothes on my bed and began searching for my headphones… slipping on my sports bra, shorts and tennis shoes to run off the temptation.

My phone screams YUMMY because he’s a damn delicious man and requires distinction. I’d been fighting a migraine and sick to my stomach all day with a less than pleasant attitude, and now I’m distracted from the horror at hand.

I was still torn between a dozen dresses when I woke up this morning and still trying a million things on in the dark, morning hours as that damn migraine started creeping back up the back of my neck. Dress or pants? I figured I should probably wear a dress, but I really felt more comfortable in pants. Which is precisely when my lovely phone started shouting YUMMY.

I- Pants.

Suddenly I’m thinking of him in bed at 4 in the morning and my ground zero day sucks a little less. Say what you want, I walked around grinning and inspired on a day I’ve been sick over. It’s not called a smartphone on accident, y’all. It knew I wanted to wake up to him, and today, of all days? I’m an Apple fan for life.

Favorite pants and jacket that just started fitting again…. FREE

First class ticket from a friend…. FREE

Having a full fledged panic attack upon taking my seat on the airplane, and more importantly the courage to nope the fuck out of the whole thing as a result? …. PRICELESS

I phoned it in, and it took a whole lot less from my life. I’m inclined to be disappointed that I didn’t go the extra mile, but I think not going was actually the greatest gift I could give myself. I’m way more inclined to put my needs aside to make a situation easier for everyone else.

I’m really proud that I chose myself this time.