My coworker and I were discussing our favorite grown up vices, yesterday. She’s just fallen head over heels in love with someone in the space of a few weeks and is lit up like an early Christmas tree.
O- I’ve always been attracted to handsome men. Or men with their own money. None of that even matters now. I can’t get enough of him.
J- Preferences change. The older I get, the more I like an aggressive man. I want him to work hard at the things he’s passionate about, and I want to be one of those things. I take care of a lot and I’m in control of everything. I don’t want to be at a certain point.
O- Oh I’ve always been picky about that, and if he doesn’t have his own tools, he’s just not a real man.
J- I hired a real one for the office. You’re going to love him. We can’t talk about sex in front of him. I think he’s hot and I’ll be awkward.
I hired Mr. Mancard and Lord have mercy, the temperature has gone up a dozen degrees in my office and I’m already shaking my head at myself. I took him out to the warehouse on his first day to show him around and help him learn the ropes.
I’ve always admitted to having a weakness for good cologne and my new warehouse manager smells amazing. I’m trying to focus and collect my scattered, distracted thoughts. I dropped a box that needed to be opened and walked away from the masculine fog that hangs around him. Yikers. What was I thinking, stocking my little pond with a shark? I grabbed the box cutter out of the cart and turned around, to see him cutting the box open.
With. His Own. Knife.
I’ll take “Things I didn’t know would light my panties on fire” for $1000, Alex.
We carried everything in to the office and I had to tell them about the knife. Collective swooning commences and my coworker clutches her chest.
O- and he smells SO good.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
What have I done? I’ve got Sally Sexpot to my left, who’s high on new love and consistent, frenzied sex. To my right, I have Mancard. The quintessential perfect single man. I never thought about him wearing cologne because he was married to my best friend and I didn’t smell him. They’re divorced and I sure can now.
I might have to start wearing nose plugs along with my headphones. I’ve obliterated Lady Nation by hiring a lovely hunk of a real man. I looked around the table and realized we’re all wearing makeup and nobody is in pajamas. Fuck, see what happens? One hot guy and the whole world changes.
He’s wonderfully helpful, talented at the job we hired him for and lovely to look at. Luckily, I have a head cold so I can’t smell him… because until you’ve seen a hot guy sew? You don’t even know what hot is. I thought dishes and laundry were unbeatable, but I was dead wrong.