Bad choice of words & pervert of the day- Bonus Points!

If it wasn’t already a fabulous & sun-shiny day?

I have a contender for the worst email EVER in my internet dating adventure.

Go ahead and laugh a little- it’s so bad it’s good.

Can you keep up with me?

Hey hot farm girl, WOW! I’m into health myself. What are you growing to feed me? I’m a bit further than 50 miles but sometimes you just gotta get out of your own solar system to find your steller fire! Are we having fun yet! Let me know what I have to do to fit into your orbit.

Lunar

I’m actually not kidding. No exaggeration- his name is Lunar.

My ex chose to change his name from Brett- to Solar.

The night I met Flintstone at the 219’er my ex came walking in (welcome to MY life). Flintstone laughed and introduced himself as “Lunar”after my sister told him my ex’s name was Solar.

If only this email were a joke from Flintstone… but no… the guys name really is Lunar.

He’s also 47 years old, Hairy Italianย  and 6’7”ย  …um…that’s like dating an NBA player, without the hot black part.

Bummer.

He lives in Montana which, again, is never going to happen purely because they have even more snow than we do. Ugh- I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I want sun- sand- and a reason to be in bikini shape year round. I want gardenias in my flower garden. A pomegranate tree… a giant Meyer Lemon. Desperately- some day.

He’s 47, never been married and doesn’t have kids. See the flashing red lights? Bad, bad news. Any man that makes it as a single man that far in life is either non-committal or your garden-variety nightmare. Ick. Give me a crazy ex-wife any day- nothing is crazier than a guy over 40 who hasn’t been married. No kids? No thanks. Which is completely unfair because my kids loved the guy I dated who didn’t have kids- but then there are exceptions to every rule.

The kiss of death? (as if there needs to be one at this point)

This is what it says on his profile:ย  I read a lot of metaphysical/spiritual stuff along christian biblical lines

Another scary weird overly-confident old man stepping up to the plate.

Thanks…

Somehow 40 sounds a lot less exciting after you’ve seen 20…

Blame Canada…

Internet dating has taught me one thing that has held true the whole time.

They’re hiding a ton of hot men in Canada. In fact- an overwhelming majority of the emails I’ve gotten from beautiful men… have been Canadian.

There have been enough of them lately that I have to prove my theory a little and share. Keep in mind Hot does not equal normal, but if I posted a list of the scary ones, it’d just be mean. ๐Ÿ™‚

1. Meet Jason…

Jason is an international businessman and competitive cyclist. He’s 39 years old, and is a single dad. Speaks 4 languages and owns a tractor (sigh).Nice arms- pretty smile… which gets me every time. My mom will even say to me now “OH! He has nice teeth!”ย  when she’s describing someone to me that she thinks I should meet. I’ve gotten far too easy, lol ๐Ÿ™‚

Ginger,

Who’s responsible for keeping you in that small town? I’m based in Toronto. I own my own business and travel quite often. Spend a lot of time in NYC….I love it out there. Been divorced for 8 years and get along with my EX great. Do you have a passport?

Jason

I love me some Jason- but Canada is freaking cold- has more snow than we do- and so does NYC. I should be man shopping in Hawaii. ๐Ÿ™‚

2. Meet Dreamman (his choosing, not mine)

Dreamy is 42, an electrical engineer and a single dad with 3 boys. Speaks 2 languages, loves to dance & vacation in all the same places I do. And he can cook ๐Ÿ™‚

Hello,

I would love to be in Idaho right now… Dating you would be awesome… You are someone I would get along with and have an awesome time with… Let keep chatting you never know what life may bring us… TOO HOT.. Email me

Again, a hot black man emails me and doesn’t give me his name. Go figure. TOO HOT is a little TOO MUCH but ah well- there’s a serious beautiful black man shortage in my neck of the woods.

3. Meet Henry, who kind of reminds me of Brett Favre… ๐Ÿ™‚

Henry is 45… a single dad of a 5 year old little girl, and a college football coach ๐Ÿ™‚ (I love college football, how fun would that be? lol, sorry, shallow moment) Any dad that takes the time to erase his kid from a picture he puts on his profile, is a cool guy in my book. He loves to surf & golf- two things I want to learn.

Hey there,

Any chance I can talk u into more babies? How’s that for a pickup?ย  Im at least a thousand miles away from you, wanna move? I always wanted to marry a country girl.

Henry/Hank

Yikers- how ’bout give me a minute to say Hi back. Sheesh. “Move here now let’s get PREGNANT!” Um…tempting, but no.

It’ always reminds me of a high desperation meat market. One where you learn FAR too much about your date before you meet them in person.

I don’t know if I can never want to go on another one of these stranger dates…