30 Days of Truth, Day 15

Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

The person in my life who is missing would not appreciate being the topic, so I’m taking the easy street on this one.

I tried living without one boob for about 3 years. I’m not sure what happened, but I was getting in the shower one morning, looked down and realized that I’d ruptured my left breast implant.

Shock, horror, tears… it all happens in that moment… then you get in the shower and move on with life. I couldn’t afford to fix them at the time, and I was serving every night so having one boob wasn’t an option.

Let me define what I mean by having one boob. I had one perfect, saline filled DD, and one very empty, sad B. I became quite skilled at balancing them out in a bra, and honestly didn’t think twice about it at the time because I had SO many other things to deal with.

I didn’t care, if I’m going to be completely honest. They’d breastfed all three of my babies to great success and their purpose had been filled. My vanity had evaporated somewhere in between the Dumpling being born and turning 2. Hours in court fighting over that same baby had given me a sour taste in my mouth towards men. The only reason I’d ever consider touching one again was that I didn’t want my ex to be the last.

and then Mr. Perfection came home to visit… and I very much wanted to unwrap him.

So I did.

Now, vanity is a fickle bitch. Just when you think she’s long gone, she shows back up with a vengeance. It doesn’t help that he’s a decade younger and doesn’t have children. The more clothes I pulled on over my head, the more he unbuttoned and unlaced them.

P- Hey, take these off…

J- All of them?

P- Yes please…  I want you naked.

Well, shit. All the planning in the world couldn’t save me from that. In tossing off my pride and panties, I made a mental note to call my surgeon and schedule an appointment to pick up a new set.

I didn’t need anything fancy…. just two of them. I picked them up in January and that empty boob is now a large, painful one. I’m confident it will heal in a couple more months, but it’s a humbling thing to realize that I traded feeling 100% for vanity.

…………But the next time I’m in that moment and he tells me to take my clothes off, I won’t be hiding in a panic over it.

I’ll be breaking out my shiny new stripper pole to put these bad boys to work. 🙂

vanity

30 Days of Truth, Day 14

hero

Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Me,

Are you fucking kidding me right now? Seriously? All these years of difficult lessons, hard-won freedom and independence, yet you fall in love with the first bad idea, every time.

Still.

You’ve saved yourself from a water leak that threatened to bankrupt you, twice through foreclosure on the house AND delivering a baby in the bathtub. If single motherhood from birth doesn’t qualify you for superhero status, nothing will.

So why the bad taste in boys? Why the self loathing when it comes to love? What the hell?

You grow an acre of vegetables and work full time as the VP of a successful company. You don’t just work, you SLAVE tirelessly to provide a beautiful life for the babies and yourself. You deserve a break. More than a break.

You deserve magic, too.

You miss making breakfast in your panties, admit it. You miss packing lunch for the lucky man you kept up all night. I miss that part of you too.

It’s ok to be soft and vulnerable, but for the love of God, stop with the horrible men you decide to trust. They’re terrible for you, they have nothing to offer AND you only end up feeling bad about yourself when you forget those things.

Get your damn cape on and get your shit together. Be a hero in your own life too… dig out those cookbooks and order some cute new panties.

You have a bad man to walk away from and breakfast to make.

xoxo J